April 28, 2005

The Onion: Report: U.S. Foreign Policy Hurting American Students' Chances Of Getting Laid Abroad

As Atrios would say, "Heh-Indeedy."

Posted by Eric at 10:36 PM | Comments (0)

Worst Episode of The O.C. Ever

Watching the Bush press conference now ...

... Think Progress doing live debunking.

"Legislating from the Bench" -- Matthew Yglesias.

Posted by Eric at 08:06 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2005

Walmart Tries to Shut Down Parody Site

Call Floyd Abrams and file under stupid corporations:

A junior at Carnegie Mellon University had his Web site satire of Wal-Mart shut down after the $285 billion retailing behemoth sent a letter to his Internet service provider to close access to the site.
"We have to protect our company name, and that's what those copyrights hold for us," Kevin Thornton, a spokesman for the company in Bentonville, Ark., said Tuesday. "When you pretend to be someone that you're not, that could lead to a problem."

Daniel Papasian, 20, of West Hartford, Conn., launched the Web site on April 16 for an arts class he is taking on using the media for social and political commentary.

"I chose Wal-Mart because, as the world's largest retailer, there are countless labor, environmental and discrimination issues throughout Wal-Mart," the political science major said.

The parody site is http://walmart-foundation.org.

Happy ending? The irony that follows when corporations try to squash free speech protected comedy (e.g. Franken v. Fox):

Papasian said he received only 300 to 400 hits on his site in the first three or four days before it was shut down. In the two days since he relaunched it, the site has gotten 700 or 800 visitors.
Thousands now.

Posted by Eric at 09:07 AM | Comments (0)

April 21, 2005

Frank Luntz Explains Bush Town Hall

Crooks and Liars with the Daily Show clip featuring the GOP's top words man.

Posted by Eric at 08:59 PM | Comments (0)

April 18, 2005

Comedy Monday

"It was reported that House Majority Leader Tom DeLay took several ethically questionable golf trips paid for by foreign lobbyists, and that his wife and daughter were paid $500,000 from his own political action committee. DeLay referred to the allegations as 'just another seedy attempt by the liberal media to embarrass me with my own actions, words and illegal doings.'" Tina Fey

"Friends say that each day President Bush spends two hours playing video games. Now let's think about this -- there's a war in Iraq, gas prices have never been higher and what is he working on? Getting Spiderman to the third level. ...Yeah George loves video games. His favorite? Grand Theft Election." David Letterman

"They claim now that President Bush spends two hours a day playing video games. Here's the good news -- that's two hours less than he spends being president." David Letterman

"Down in Washington D.C. the feds jumped a guy who was behaving suspiciously and carrying two large suitcases. Turns out it kind of had a funny ending: he's not a terrorist and the suitcases were full of cash for Tom Delay." David Letterman

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld warned Iraq's new leaders against hiring their friends and family members for government jobs, and then Majority Leader Tom Delay gave the rebuttal." Jay Leno

"Forty members of Congress also went to the funeral. They said it was great to be out of Washington and to get a break from all that prayer and Bible quoting." Bill Maher

"The folks in Washington are very excited to have a baseball team. Even ex-junky mayor Marion Barry said 'buy me some peanuts and crack.'" Craig Ferguson


Click down comics

Posted by Eric at 02:57 AM | Comments (0)

April 16, 2005

Buy Me This

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

I need a new Pac Man hat.

So does this guy;

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Posted by Eric at 01:30 PM | Comments (1)

April 04, 2005

Comedy Monday

RIP Mitch Hedberg. Quotes:

"I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitor's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzaria... This week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."

"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable."

"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up."

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know this lady who'd be really mad if she heard me say that."

"Rice is good if you're hungry and you want to eat 2000 of something."

"I tried to throw away a yo-yo. It was fucking impossible."

"This jacket is dry clean only. Which means ... it's dirty."

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus ... one of those two doesn't sound right."


"I gotta mention this – 56 percent of women say they are more affectionate with their pets than they are with their partners. Which explains why Paris Hilton's dog has to get so many shots." Conan O'Brien

"Terri Schiavo has passed away and they are still fighting about it. The husband wants her cremated, the parents want her buried, and President Bush wants to appoint her to the Supreme Court." Bill Maher

"One in four returning Iraqi veterans have been diagnosed with a mental disorder. I know that sounds high, but it does include everybody who says, 'Am I crazy, or were we sent there under false pretenses?'" Bill Maher

"Congressman Tom DeLay pulled the plug on his own father 16 years ago, even though the House majority leader has been calling Michael Schiavo a 'murderer' for trying to do the same thing. DeLay insists he wanted to spare his dad the excruciating pain of seeing him become the nation's foremost hypocrite." Jake Novak


The Onion: America Still Searching For Funniest Home Video
According to Di Bona, staying focused on the quest for the ultimate funny home video has put a lot of pressure on the show's hosts.

"[Original host] Bob Saget was a man obsessed," Di Bona said. "After working on Full House, Bob was really excited to do a show with a purpose. But the 80-hour weeks started to wear him down. One late night during season six, Bob flipped. He started cursing, throwing things, and screaming that we were no closer to finding America's funniest home video than we were when we started. In 1997, when he heard the news that Germany had found their nation's funniest video, he quit. He couldn't take the pressure anymore."

Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 06:15 PM | Comments (1)

March 30, 2005

Truth in Comedy: "Bush Launches Preemptive Attack on Social Security"

From - where else - The Onion: In the months leading up to Bush's declaration, he attempted to contain the Social Security program through a calculated long-range attack on its general fund.

"Up until several days ago, we attempted to negotiate with Social Security, by proposing a plan under which wage-earners would invest their withheld income in the stock market," Bush said. "These personal savings accounts would have pumped a great deal of wealth into our deflated economy, but this is not about temporarily inflating a beleaguered market. It is a battle for freedom, and it is time to take decisive action. America, we must strike Social Security."

Posted by Eric at 01:06 PM | Comments (0)

March 29, 2005

Funny Picture / Caption

If only because it brings back memories of my password protection days as a kid. Honolulu StarBulletin: Scott Belford, director of the Hawaii Open Source Education Foundation, looks away as Nicole Nartates, 11, types her password into the new computer she acquired through her work with the foundation. Nicole attends Holomua Elementary School in Ewa Beach.

Posted by Eric at 11:21 PM | Comments (1)

March 28, 2005

Comedy Monday, Part 2

From the Fox News-reliable Weekly World News: Veep Barely Worked His Way Through College ... CHANEY WAS A NUDE MODEL ... FOR ART STUDENTS. And he's not the only one: "According to reliable inside sources, California Senator Barbara Boxer earned extra cash jumping out of cakes at bachelor parties. Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy worked one summer as a male escort, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was the cover girl three times for Black Booty magazine, and First Lady Laura Bush worked briefly as a "fluffer," -- a woman whose job it is to keep male adult film stars in a continual state of arousal."

Posted by Eric at 09:49 PM | Comments (0)

Return of Comedy Monday

"It appears the parents of Terri Schiavo have run out of options. The Supreme Court declined to intervene, thus representing the 10th legal judgment in favor of Mrs. Schiavo's husband and guardian, Michael -- meaning the Schiavo feeding tube will soon be removed from the cable news networks." Jon Stewart

"President Bush met with Mexican President Vicente Fox at his ranch in Texas. There was an awkward moment when Bush asked the Mexican president 'So how did you sneak in here.'" Conan O'Brien

"The average price of gas is now $2.11 a gallon, and here in California, it’s $2.30 a gallon. Here in L.A., it is literally cheaper to buy a new car than to fill your gas tank. Literally. Oprah tried to give away a car to someone in her studio audience today, and the woman spit in her face." Jimmy Kimmel

"There is a 24-hour surveillance team monitoring Martha Stewart's whereabouts. Nothing yet on al Qaeda." David Letterman

"Senate Republicans are so committed to keeping this women alive that as a last ditch tactic today they subpoenaed her because it is a federal crime to harm someone who is called to testify before Congress. They said they didn't think she'd be a great witness but she had to be better then Mark McGwire." Bill Maher

"Congress has reached a compromise agreement in the Terri Schiavo case. They will continue to do whatever they can to provide for her health care and feeding, and in return do nothing for every other American's health care and feeding." Jake Novak

"The Bush administration is planning to hold its traditional event, as aides plant eggs filled with fake news stories in the White House press room." Alan Ray


Sarah Silverman. Jesus is Magic trailer

whitehouse.org. SAVING TERRI SCHIAVO: PRESENTING INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF THAT EVERY LIFE HAS WORTH, PRESIDENT BUSH ANNOUNCES "66 USES FOR PERSISTENT VEGETARDS"

DU. The Top 10 Conservative Idiots

The Onion. Colin Powell's Tell-All Book: Steroid Use Rampant In White House

The Onion. Child Walks Out On Toy Non-Proliferation Talks

Click down for comics.


Posted by Eric at 12:47 PM | Comments (2)

March 26, 2005

Idiotic

From the Washington Times:

The Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, president of the Los Angeles-based Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny, noted the absence of black Christians in the debate.

"Nearly all the people fighting and protesting to keep Terri alive are white. Where are the prominent black ministers?" he asked.

"We don't see them because they're looking at this as a race issue, rather than as a moral one. Blacks, especially Christians, should stop looking at this issue through the prism of race. The battle is between people who are for life versus those who favor death."

Posted by Eric at 02:28 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2005

Bush Followed Everywhere By Line Of Baby Ducks

From the Onion: Ha.

Posted by Eric at 10:25 PM | Comments (1)

January 03, 2005

Comedy Monday

"Here in New York, thousands of people partied in funny hats and popped balloons in Times Square. Those who were there said it was just like the Republican Convention, but with black people." Conan O'Brien

"Today's USA Today features an editorial by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld defending the war in Iraq. You can tell it was written by Rumsfeld because the opening line of the editorial is 'shut your pie hole and listen.'" Conan O'Brien

"Osama bin Laden has released yet another audiotape saying that any Iraqi who votes in the January election is an infidel and will be punished by God. And he also urged people not to waste their vote on Ralph Nader." Jay Leno

"Things are not looking good for Donald Rumsfeld. First Sen. John McCain said he had no confidence in him. Now Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf said he's angry at Rumsfeld for not providing soldiers in Iraq with the proper armor. In fact, Rumsfeld has screwed up so badly, President Bush might have to give him one of those Medal of Freedom awards." Jay Leno

"Yesterday, I received a Christmas card from Donald Rumsfeld in the mail. Would have been nice if he had actually signed it." David Letterman


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 11:59 PM | Comments (4)

December 29, 2004

Donate to the Red Cross

In their relief efforts. Amazon.com one click link here or directly on the Red Cross page.

Edit: Other possible group/ngos here.

Posted by Eric at 06:47 AM | Comments (21)

December 24, 2004

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays! Have a safe and merry one.

I'll return on the 26.

Posted by Eric at 01:59 PM | Comments (9)

December 20, 2004

Comedy Monday

“President Bush's daughter, Jenna, announced plans to teach at a public school in Washington, DC. As a result, the teacher's lounge is adding a happy hour.” Conan O'Brien

"The stores are crowded this year. Retail experts say that if you go shopping expect to wait 30 minutes in lines; or to avoid crowds go see [the movie] "Alexander." Conan O'Brien

In the same speech President Bush said, "This nation must never settle for mediocrity." Then he said, "...so Dick Cheney will now be giving the rest of the speech." Jay Leno

"Bad news: America’s trade deficit swelled to an all-time high of $55.5 billion in October. You know what our biggest export is now? National Guard troops." Jay Leno

"President Bush has his annual physical. He's in great physical shape ... no word on the mental part." David Letterman

"Even though Kerik has some troubles, he’s still in the holiday spirit. Today he went Caroling ... then Michelling and later he’s going Racheling." David Letterman

"Lots of changes in baseball are being made right now in the off-season. The latest news is that Pedro Martinez will leave the Red Sox for the Mets. When asked why Pedro was going to the Mets, he said, "I’d like to get out of professional baseball." Conan O'Brien


Click down for toons.

Posted by Eric at 02:20 PM | Comments (4)

December 06, 2004

Comedy Monday

The special 'Eric doesn't want to study for finals and is procrastinating by reading jokes' edition.

"Earlier tonight they had the national lighting of the Christmas tree. They threw the switch and the tree came to life. And apparently it worked so well they are going to try the same thing with Dick Cheney." David Letterman

"Last night over at NBC our good friend Tom Brokaw stepped down. Out of habit President Bush accepted his resignation." David Letterman

"Earlier today the president has called on all Americans to do volunteer work. For example: National Guard service" David Letterman

"Tom Ridge told friends he wants to go to the private sector, where he can make some more money. Finally — a Republican acting like a Republican. Never mind that crap about spending more time with his family. He’s sick of the colors red and blue, he wants to see some green." Jay Leno

"NAACP President Kweisi Mfume announced that he is stepping down as the head of the NAACP. President Bush issued a statement. He said, "That just shows how great our country is, when a black man can become head of the NAACP." And you can tell the Republicans have taken over — his replacement is Trent Lott." Jay Leno

"Elsewhere overseas, the invasion of and continued presence in Iraq still evokes passionate response. Witness this demonstration Tuesday, an angry mob shouting anti-U.S. slogans and toppling a statue of President Bush in a public square in the rouge nation of -- Canada. ... The angriest thing to come out of Canada in the last 20 years was Bare Naked Ladies." Jon Stewart


In the Year 2000 ... Al Franken Edition, from Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

"After being convicted, Michael Jackson escapes from prison disguised as a black man who likes grownups."

"Parents will no longer let their kids watch SpongeBob SquarePants, when it's revealed that SpongeBob once worked as a female contraceptive."

"Major-league baseball will finally crack down on steroids, Barry Bonds will again lead the Majors in homeruns with 3."

"After being criticized for killing hundreds of semi-domesticated pheasants on their last hunting trip, Dick Chaney and Antonin Scalia will take up fishing. Their first grenade kills 300 fish. æ"

Clay Aiken will clear up all the uncertainty about his sexual preference when he releases his next album, 'I'm Aiken for Men.'"

In an effort to appear more youthful and smooth faced, John Kerry will announce his running mate - Clint Eastwood.

"President Bush will throw out the first pitch at the St. Louis Cardinals opening game. Bush will then pitch the rest of the game, when he insists that replacing him now would send the wrong message to our enemies."

"Police will accuse Woody Allen of being a mass murderer, and adding insult to injury, they will tell him they prefer his earlier, funnier, murderers. "

"A law will be passed allowing women to kill one ex-boyfriend with no consequences. Longhaired base-players named Steve will be wiped off the face of the earth."

"A mad scientist will switch the brains of Bill O'Reilly and Al Franken. As a result, Bill O'Reilly will support liberal causes and Al Franken will masturbate to old John Wayne movies."


Mr. T edition.

"Yassar Arafat is forced back into his compound. This time because he won't stop singing Pink's Get This Party Started."

"In an effort to be more appealing the flu will change it's name to 'THe Flumeister'."

"Tired of the rumors that he's gay, Liza Minnelli's husband publicly has sex with one hundred women. One hundred large bald women with handlebar mustaches."

" Huey Lewis and the News will form a Huey Lewis and the News tribute band, just to prove that someone might actually do that."

"Tony Danza will refuse to play any more characters named 'Tony.' The first role he gets after making this announcement: a bartender named 'Doug Danza.'"

"I, Mr. T, will reveal that I do not have a mohawk haircut, I just went bald on both sides of my head."

"Oral sex will be available in pill form. Unfortunately, it will be a suppository."

"Animal experts will discover that the reason mountain goats live in the mountains is that they can get drunk faster."

"Already reeling from the ongoing sex scandal, the Catholic Church will lose millions more followers, when Pope John Paul II appears on his balcony wearing acid-washed jeans."

"The expression 'time will tell' will be proven invalid, when time refuses to tell what happened after it walked Debbie home from that party."

"Mr. T has a son that he names after himself. To avoid confusion the boy is known as Mr. Lowercase T."

"Conan O' Brien will be pitied not be me as a fool, but by fools as a superfool."


Chris Berman nicknames.

The Onion: Iraq Adopts Terror Alert System.

The Onion: In Search Of A Better Life, Teen Moves Downstairs.

whitehouse.org: 2004 FENCE-MENDING TOUR: President's Statement Advising People of Canadia to Lose the Attitude And Make Like a Nice Little 51st State.


click down comics

Posted by Eric at 04:57 AM | Comments (91)

November 25, 2004

Cross-Posts on Franken Blog

Happy Thanksgiving ...

REPORT: BUSH ADMIN LAX ON CIVIL RIGHTS ENFORCEMENT.

HOW MANY WAR INJURED?

Posted by Eric at 02:19 PM | Comments (39)

November 19, 2004

Bill Gates Gets Lots of Spam

Hyuuuk:

The Microsoft Corp. chairman receives 4 million pieces of e-mail per day, most of it junk, said Steve Ballmer, the company's chief executive.

"There are two people who probably are the number one spam recipients in the world," Ballmer said. "Bill Gates (is first) because he is Bill Gates."

Alas, I only get about 400/day.

Posted by Eric at 02:57 PM | Comments (33)

October 28, 2004

Thursday Sports Blogging

Posted by Eric at 12:00 AM | Comments (2)

October 25, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Election offices across Florida opened last Monday to give black voters the option of being turned away early." Tina Fey

"First Lady, Laura Bush, said Tuesday that if her husband is elected to a second term she would like to help juvenile delinquents with substance abuse problems. When asked how she would do that, Mrs. Bush replied, "just as I always have. By marrying them and bearing their children." Amy Poehler

"Yeah, I banged her. They arrested me for beastiality." Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Ann Coulter

"Earlier today, John Kerry went hunting for geese in Ohio, but President Bush says Kerry only did it for the photo op. The weird part is that Bush said this while wearing a flight suit and standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier." Conan O'Brien

"In Florida, voting in the Presidential election started two weeks early. Senior citizens are already reporting problems with the voting machines. Apparently the seniors are confused because when they pull the lever, no quarters come out." Conan O'Brien

"They're doing the early voting in Florida and there are already irregularities in the early Florida voting. You know it's sad when the voting goes smoother in Afghanistan than it does in Florida." David Letterman

"But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'" David Letterman

"On the campaign trail, the president continued what has been a theme throughout the year: John Kerry is a flip-flopper. Oh, and also consistently liberal." Jon Stewart

"Sparks were flying again today. Al Gore accused President Bush of using religion to support his presidency. And George Bush fired back that 'Al Gore's just mad because God made me president.'" Jay Leno

``Yesterday, one of Iran's top leaders announced that he wants President Bush to win the election. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'You know, for an evil doer, he's not such a bad guy.'" Conan O'Brien


A ridiculous moment on SNL, Ashlee Simpson is exposed for her lipsynching ways when a technician plays the wrong track on the speakers. See the video here. And how sad that SNL allows this to happen.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Triumph takes on Spin Alley

homestarrunner. Strong Bad Makes You Cry

Oh No. Mr Bill

Fark. Photoshop Tom Cruise throwing out the first pitch complete with glove in Tokyo

Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund. Monster Slash

whitehouse.org. Diffusing the Flu Vaccine Crisis: President Unveils Patriotic Three Point Virus Survival Plan for America's Disease-Infested Geriatrics

The Onion. U.S. Finishes A 'Strong
Second' In Iraq War

Click down comics:

Posted by Eric at 12:00 AM | Comments (34)

October 21, 2004

How Bout Dem Sox?

Even A-Rod is giving them a high-five

Posted by Eric at 12:17 AM | Comments (50)

October 17, 2004

Sunday Sports Blogging

Posted by Eric at 08:40 PM | Comments (34)

October 11, 2004

Comedy Monday

"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the next debate." Bill Maher

"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and lying directly to people's faces." Bill Maher

"People are saying that George Bush didn't do well. In fact, Kerry even picked up the support of one of the Bush twins." David Letterman
"You know what's happening in Afghanistan? It's their first free election. Now this is a big thing. However they are expecting voter fraud. They're expecting disruption at the polls and intimidation of voters. So I guess the American style of democracy is really catching on over there." David Letterman

"The newest trend among students at Brigham Young University are T-shirts that read, "I Can't. I'm Mormon." Which have been countered with T-shirts reading, "You Will. I'm Kobe"." Tina Fey

"On Thursday, more than 7,000 sites took place across the country in National Depression Screening Day, which screens the public for depression related illnesses. A spokesman for the group said, "I don't know...uh.. turnout was okay, I mean I guess... just wasn't as great as I thought...but, you know... it was a stupid idea anyway...so... I guess I'm just gonna go back to bed...." Amy Poehler

"President Bush and John Kerry will hold their second presidential debate on television. Or as most Americans call it, Game 3 between the Yankees and the Twins." Conan O'Brien

"This is what his handlers have advised him to do after the first debate last week: George W. Bush's challenge now will be to stretch four and a half minutes of meaningless platitudes into an hour and a half. That's his challenge." David Letterman


Some Guy. Random Stephen Wright Joke.

The Onion. Older Brother Accused Of Cushion-Fort Prisoner Abuse.

whitehouse.org. The Vice Presidential Debate: Complete Transcript of Dick Cheney's Indisputably Overwhelming Trouncing of Senator John Edwards

The Onion. American Robot's Job Outsourced To Overseas Robot.

Fark. Photoshop what Bush and Kerry were writing/drawing in their notebooks during the debate

Game. The Political Circus.

Wonkette. SWM ISO

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

Comics, click down

Posted by Eric at 07:59 PM | Comments (34)

October 10, 2004

Sunday Sports Blogging


Win.


Win.

Posted by Eric at 08:05 PM | Comments (30)

October 05, 2004

Comedy Monday, Tuesday Edition

"President Bush and Senator John Kerry's first debate was held last Thursday. While neither candidate delivered a knock-out punch, polls indicate John Kerry was the winner. Though Bush later complained it was because he couldn't get his buzzer to work." Tina Fey

"During the debate there were several tense moments when President Bush and Kerry got into it with each other. Not only that, Ralph Nader got into a heated discussion with the guy at the McDonald's drive-through." Conan O'Brien

"Everyone is talking about the ground rules. Kerry wants his podium to be tall enough so he can rest his hands. And President Bush wants it to be wide enough to hide Dick Cheney." Conan O'Brien

"62 million people tuned into the debate this week. That's almost one viewer for every time President Bush said mixed message." Bill Maher

"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes." Bill Maher

"This is a weird one; the Bush people requested Rule No. 56: What happens in Iraq stays in Iraq." Michael Ian Black


Castparty Productions. Bush Focus Group.

Swift Yacht Vets for Bush.

The Onion: Documents Reveal Gaps in Bush's Service as President.

Fark: Photoshop what Bush and Kerry were writing/drawing in their notebooks during the debate.

"Late Show with David Letterman":

"Top Ten George W. Bush Debate Strategies

10. Ask the question, 'We've never had a horse-faced president so why start now?'

9. Instead of witty retorts, have Secret Service wrestle Sen. Kerry to the ground.

8. Use Kerry's long-winded answers to take much-needed bathroom breaks.

7. Hope one of them hurricanes cancels the debate.

6. Instead of water, fill Kerry's mug with Red Bull and vodka.

5. Find time to work in joke prop — giant waffle.

4. Moving his lips to pretend microphone isn't working.

3. Handle it same way he handled National Guard duty — don't show up.

2. If Kerry makes a good point, distract him with some chaw spit in the eye.

1. Point out Sen. Kerry's mispronunciation of the word 'nucular.'"


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Posted by Eric at 12:56 AM | Comments (162)

September 27, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Bush bragged that more Iraqis say their country is on the right track than American say our country is on the right track. Boy, there’s a campaign slogan for you -- 'America: More F*cked Up Than Fallujah!'" Bill Maher

"Oh, so Iraqis are more optimistic about their country than Americans are about ours? I don't think that helps you." Jon Stewart

"President Bush says he's very excited about Cat Stevens. He says that we are winning the war on singer/song writers." David Letterman

"We begin tonight with a simple, indisputable fact: as a young man, President George W. Bush benefited from family connections to get a place in the Texas Air National Guard, thus avoiding service in Vietnam. As you would guess, this has led to calls for the resignation of Dan Rather." Jon Stewart

"A Bush administration official told Congress yesterday that the war in Iraq could cost 60 billion dollars. Yeah, President Bush said he plans to pay for it with a video series called, 'Prison Guards Gone Wild.'" Conan O'Brien

"President Bush spoke to the United Nations. A little later John Kerry spoke at a live press conference that was seen around the world. And then Ralph Nader spoke to some people who were having lunch next to him at the International House of Pancakes." Jay Leno


ESPN. This is SportsCenter Video Archive.

Victor Littlebear. The Bushiad.

funny.ansme.com. Build a Better Bush.

The Onion. Organizers Fear Terrorist Attacks On Upcoming Al-Qaeda Convention.

whitehouse.org. LETTERS FROM THE FRONT LINES OF IRAQ: Active Duty Soldiers Respond to John Kerry's Shameless Attempts to Undermine Morale Through the Traitorous Articulation of Reality.


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 02:42 AM | Comments (19)

September 26, 2004

Sunday Sports Blogging

Posted by Eric at 08:48 PM | Comments (40)

September 20, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Democrats are saying that President Bush is refusing to take part in a town hall debate with John Kerry because Bush is worried about the questions the audience will ask him. After hearing this, the president said, 'That's ridiculous. I'm not worried about the questions, I'm worried about the answers.'" Conan O'Brien

"A law banning the sale of assault weapons has expired, which means it's now legal to buy Uzis and AK 47s. The NRA said that now its owners can protect their families from up to 200 burglars at once." Conan O'Brien

"In a speech yesterday, President Bush said it is critical that the president speak both clearly and consistently. Then, immediately afterwards, Bush resigned." Conan O'Brien

"In England a man dressed as Batman was arrested for climbing the wall to Buckingham Palace. Sadly the man was Val Kilmer." Conan O'Brien

"Now the candidate are arguing over the exact format these debates will take. Kerry wants to stand behind a podium, Bush wants to stand behind Dick Cheney." Jay Leno

"President Bush addressed a national meeting of the National Guard in Las Vegas this week. Bush told the crowd he's proud of his National Guard service. He said, 'It was the best weekend of my life.'" Jay Leno


The Onion. Cheney Returns To Camp Crystal Lake

The Onion. Female Athletes Making Great Strides In Attractiveness

gwbush04.com. President debuts new telescreen advertisement; TV spot highlights the liberal views of Jesus Christ

whitehouse.org. Assault Weapons Ban Lifted: President Proclaims "Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God Almighty, We're Free to Mince Bambi Into Kibbles 'n Bits With AK-47's at Last!"

democraticunderground. The Top 10 Conservative Idiots

Al Franken. Chapter Operation Ignore

Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 07:14 AM | Comments (49)

September 13, 2004

Comedy Monday

"A record made by a band that John Kerry was in during college has been bought for $2,500. Yeah, meanwhile, the White House said that President Bush was in a college band, but that all the records have been lost." Conan O'Brien

"According to the latest poll, Ralph Nader is down to 1 percent of the popular vote. That's embarrassing, 1 percent! He's even trailing low fat milk; that's 2 percent!" Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney is saying there is great risk if John Kerry wins. Yeah, the risk is that George Bush might not be able to find another job." David Letterman

"Pundits are saying that Kerry's message is garbled. ... You know you're doing badly when you're running against George Bush and you're the one who's garbled!" David Letterman

"Here's good news: Former President Bill Clinton is wide awake and alert. I wish we could say the same for our current president." David Letterman

"Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused." David Letterman
"According to a new book, when President Bush was on National Guard duty he would sometimes sneak off to smoke marijuana and snort cocaine. When he heard this, President Bush said, 'That's ridiculous. I never showed up for National Guard duty.'" Conan O'Brien

"Dick Cheney said that if John Kerry wins, there will be another attack. Then Cheney said, if Bush wins, I'll call it off." Conan O'Brien


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 11:05 PM | Comments (44)

September 11, 2004

Sept 11

John Kerry:

We are one America in our prayers for those who were taken from us on September 11th and for their families. And we are one America in our unbending determination to defend our country – to find and get the terrorists before they get us.

A poet once wrote that those who have left us “…have a silence that speaks for them at night…They say: our deaths are not ours; they are yours; they will mean what you make them…They say: we leave you our deaths. Give them their meaning.”

In the past three years, with countless acts of bravery and kindness – large and small – Americans have given meaning to those lives. That terrible day has renewed our sense of purpose. And in the years ahead we will share its lessons with our children and grandchildren. We will tell them that on September 11th, ordinary men and women became heroes at a moment’s notice – and so can you. We will tell them that we were strong because we took care of each other – and so can you. We will tell them that we came together in tragedy, chose confidence over fear, and that our love for America far outshone the darkness of those who hate us.

Finally, we will tell them that on September 11th and the days that followed, we learned in the hardest way possible that the American spirit endures. It is that spirit which leads us to defy the terrorists and affirm that freedom will win. It is that spirit which sustains the families of September 11th as they rebuild their lives. And it is that spirit which will guide us as we rebuild those towers – stronger, higher, and more beautiful than ever before. Just like America.

Posted by Eric at 03:28 PM | Comments (19)

September 06, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Earlier this week the Republican party held a reception for black Republicans. Apparently the receptions was a big success. They both showed up." Conan O'Brien

"George Bush accepted the nomination and promised that if he's re-elected he promised to start reading memos. Thats a good sign." David Letterman

"Now that Bush has accepted the nomination the next step, of course, is the rigging of the voting machines." David Letterman

"On Monday President Bush said that we can't win the war on terrorism. Yesterday he said that we will win the war on terrorism, but earlier today he predicted a tie." David Letterman

"Many people in Britain are upset because last night at the convention Giuliani compared President Bush to Winston Churchill. Not only that, President Bush is upset because he has no idea who Winston Churchill is." Conan O'Brien

"How ugly did it get? Dick Cheney ... was the good cop. As usual, he was preceded by his wife Lynne, whose very presence proves to voters, "Hey, he's never killed his wife!" Jon Stewart

"Last night at a New York bar, this is true, a group of reporters were told to move out of their seats so President Bush's daughters could sit down and have a drink, not because they're the daughters of the president, but because they're regulars." Conan O'Brien

"If you're planning to go to the convention, even if you're a delegate, you're going to get frisked, you're going to get patted down, you're going to get groped, and that's just by Arnold Schwarzenegger." David Letterman

"The Republican convention goes on all week, but of course the highlight will be toward the end of the week when George Bush will show up for one day, you know, just like he did in the National Guard." David Letterman


Deserters for Truth.

Bushisms on DVD.

The Onion: Small Group Of Dedicated Rich People Change The World.

The Onion:Al-Jazeera Introduces 'Lighter Side Of The News' Segment.

GWBush04: Shrapnel inside Kerry's body responds to veterans flap.

WhiteHouse.org: President's Nomination Acceptance Speech to 2004 Republican Convention Unveiling Highly Detailed Plans for Tons More Good and Way Less Evil.


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:21 PM | Comments (18)

August 16, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam." Jay Leno

"Secretary of State Colin Powell announced that he will not be attending the Republican convention. Uh oh. So I guess they're going to have to find another black guy." Jay Leno

"President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs."' Craig Kilborn

"Plans by Al Qaeda to blow up casions in Las Vegas were stopped last year. Does that make sense though? If you want to destroy a casino - just hire Donald Trump to run it." Conan O'Brien

"An astounding 65% of people in California approve of the way Arnold Schwarzenegger is running the state. The other 35% are girly men." Conan O'Brien


The Onion. U.S. Military Clears A-Team Of Charges.

humorgazette. Bush intelligence decision lacks intelligence .

georgewbush.org. Complete Text of President Bush's Heartfelt Campaign Rally Remarks to Undecided Swing-State Amishese Voters.

weeklyworldnews. RIVER OF BEER DISCOVERED IN GERMANY.

Jim Anchower. Things Are Starting To Turn Around.


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 01:45 AM | Comments (13)

Comedy Monday

"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam." Jay Leno

"Secretary of State Colin Powell announced that he will not be attending the Republican convention. Uh oh. So I guess they're going to have to find another black guy." Jay Leno

"President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs."' Craig Kilborn

"Plans by Al Qaeda to blow up casions in Las Vegas were stopped last year. Does that make sense though? If you want to destroy a casino - just hire Donald Trump to run it." Conan O'Brien

"An astounding 65% of people in California approve of the way Arnold Schwarzenegger is running the state. The other 35% are girly men." Conan O'Brien


The Onion. U.S. Military Clears A-Team Of Charges.

humorgazette. Bush intelligence decision lacks intelligence .

georgewbush.org. Complete Text of President Bush's Heartfelt Campaign Rally Remarks to Undecided Swing-State Amishese Voters.

weeklyworldnews. RIVER OF BEER DISCOVERED IN GERMANY.

Jim Anchower. Things Are Starting To Turn Around.


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 01:45 AM | Comments (8)

Study: Cannabis extract shrinks brain tumours

There's your excuse.

Posted by Eric at 01:25 AM | Comments (34)

Study: Cannabis extract shrinks brain tumours

There's your excuse.

Posted by Eric at 01:25 AM | Comments (0)

August 10, 2004

Comedy Monday

The Tuesday edition.

"The federal government reported that despite much higher expectations U.S. employers only added 32,000 jobs to the payroll this month. Even worse folks, the jobs were all in India." Conan O'Brien

"When they say they served with Kerry in Vietnam, what they really mean is that they were in Vietnam at the same time. Kind of like how Snoopy served with the Red Baron." Jon Stewart on Swift Boat Veterans for Truth

"The Republican Convention is coming to town. It's coming up at the end of the month. Everyone is getting ready for the convention. The crack dealers are switching to Viagra." David Letterman

"A controversial new book claims that John Kerry laughed while burning enemy villages and slaughtering animals. I don't buy it Kerry laughing?" Craig Kilborn

"The Republicans now getting ready for their big convention in New York City. Apparently they have a plan for going into New York, but they don't have a plan for getting out." Jay Leno

``In a huge upset, Ralph Nader has failed to gather enough signatures to get on the ballot in California. How embarrassing is that for Nader? You can't get on the ballot in California? Remember our governor's race? Imagine finding out you're not up to the legal qualifications of porn star Mary Carey or Gary Coleman.'' Jay Leno

``They've been having a lot of trouble over at Illinois finding a Republican candidate to go up against Barack Obama there. People love that guy. Well, they think they've finally found one. He is our old friend, Alan Keyes, the African American firebrand conservative preacher. The only problem is, Keyes lives in Maryland. It's starting to look bad for Republicans. First, they couldn't find Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan, then they couldn't find weapons in Iraq. Now they can't find a black person in Chicago!'' Bill Maher

"But the president's plan differs from that suggested by the 9-11 commission in several key areas. For example, Bush's proposal would not give the new director authority over budgets or the ability to hire or fire. In fact, it would not even be considered a cabinet position. Because, while protecting our nation from a bloody terrorist attack that could cost millions of lives is important, it's not 'agriculture' important." Jon Stewart


This Modern World: Out of touch

The Onion: CIA Asks Bush To Discontinue Blog

The Onion: College Student Does Nothing For Tibet Over Summer

Dubya Chronicles: Main Page

DU: The Top 10 Conservative Idiots

Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 09:44 AM | Comments (7)

Comedy Monday

The Tuesday edition.

"The federal government reported that despite much higher expectations U.S. employers only added 32,000 jobs to the payroll this month. Even worse folks, the jobs were all in India." Conan O'Brien

"When they say they served with Kerry in Vietnam, what they really mean is that they were in Vietnam at the same time. Kind of like how Snoopy served with the Red Baron." Jon Stewart on Swift Boat Veterans for Truth

"The Republican Convention is coming to town. It's coming up at the end of the month. Everyone is getting ready for the convention. The crack dealers are switching to Viagra." David Letterman

"A controversial new book claims that John Kerry laughed while burning enemy villages and slaughtering animals. I don't buy it Kerry laughing?" Craig Kilborn

"The Republicans now getting ready for their big convention in New York City. Apparently they have a plan for going into New York, but they don't have a plan for getting out." Jay Leno

``In a huge upset, Ralph Nader has failed to gather enough signatures to get on the ballot in California. How embarrassing is that for Nader? You can't get on the ballot in California? Remember our governor's race? Imagine finding out you're not up to the legal qualifications of porn star Mary Carey or Gary Coleman.'' Jay Leno

``They've been having a lot of trouble over at Illinois finding a Republican candidate to go up against Barack Obama there. People love that guy. Well, they think they've finally found one. He is our old friend, Alan Keyes, the African American firebrand conservative preacher. The only problem is, Keyes lives in Maryland. It's starting to look bad for Republicans. First, they couldn't find Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan, then they couldn't find weapons in Iraq. Now they can't find a black person in Chicago!'' Bill Maher

"But the president's plan differs from that suggested by the 9-11 commission in several key areas. For example, Bush's proposal would not give the new director authority over budgets or the ability to hire or fire. In fact, it would not even be considered a cabinet position. Because, while protecting our nation from a bloody terrorist attack that could cost millions of lives is important, it's not 'agriculture' important." Jon Stewart


This Modern World: Out of touch

The Onion: CIA Asks Bush To Discontinue Blog

The Onion: College Student Does Nothing For Tibet Over Summer

Dubya Chronicles: Main Page

DU: The Top 10 Conservative Idiots

Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 09:44 AM | Comments (0)

August 03, 2004

Battle of the Ketchup

So, so, so, sososososooso dumb (link via BlogCritics):

W ketchup is being marketed as a condiment alternative for Republicans who dont want to patronize Heinz (as in Teresa Heinz-Kerry), but now the group that heads up W Hotels has sent cease and desist letters to the companies selling the ketchup and other W goodies. Although your product line is an amusing part of the election campaign, reads the letters, we ask that you respect the rights of the existing W trademark and stop selling W products.
FYI, according to the famous Snopes.com
Although Senator Kerry has been critical of the Bush administration for rewarding "Benedict Arnold CEOs" who move "profits and jobs overseas," the above-quoted attempt to link Kerry (through his wife) with the very outsourcing he decries is flawed in two major ways. First off, Teresa Heinz Kerry does not "own the Heinz Corporation" she has no involvement whatsoever with the management or operations of the H.J. Heinz Company, nor does she own anything close to a controlling interest of the company's stock. According to Heinz itself, the Heinz family trust which Mrs. Kerry inherited sold most of its shares of Heinz stock back in 1995 and currently holds less than a 4% interest in the company:

Neither Mrs. Heinz Kerry nor Senator Kerry nor any of the Heinz trusts or endowments either individually or collectively holds a significant percentage of shares of the H.J. Heinz Company. In 1995 the Heinz Endowments and family trusts sold a large percentage of Heinz shares in a secondary share offering to diversify their holdings. As a result, their current holdings are under 4 percent.

There is no connection between any philanthropic programs of the H.J. Heinz Company and its Foundation and the Heinz family interests (including the Howard Heinz Endowment, the Vira Heinz Endowment, and the Heinz Family Philanthropies).

(A 4% stake in a company as large as Heinz still represents a considerable amount of money, but it isn't nearly large enough a share to give the holder any significant control or influence over the company's business decisions.)

Moreover, the Heinz Company's operations are not an example of the type of outsourcing that is currently a hot political issue (i.e., sending out work to offshore companies to provide services which a company might otherwise have employed its own staff to perform). Heinz is a U.S.-based global business which sells its products in dozens of other countries, and like other food companies it has to localize some of its production at factories located in its foreign market areas. (It makes little sense from either an economic or a freshness standpoint to be shipping fruits and vegetables and/or finished food products halfway around the world rather than producing them locally.) One wouldn't expect, for example, every can and bottle of Coca-Cola sold anywhere in the world whether it be Australia, China, or Portugal to be produced by U.S. bottlers.)

Posted by Eric at 06:12 PM | Comments (15)

Battle of the Ketchup

So, so, so, sososososooso dumb (link via BlogCritics):

W ketchup is being marketed as a condiment alternative for Republicans who dont want to patronize Heinz (as in Teresa Heinz-Kerry), but now the group that heads up W Hotels has sent cease and desist letters to the companies selling the ketchup and other W goodies. Although your product line is an amusing part of the election campaign, reads the letters, we ask that you respect the rights of the existing W trademark and stop selling W products.
FYI, according to the famous Snopes.com
Although Senator Kerry has been critical of the Bush administration for rewarding "Benedict Arnold CEOs" who move "profits and jobs overseas," the above-quoted attempt to link Kerry (through his wife) with the very outsourcing he decries is flawed in two major ways. First off, Teresa Heinz Kerry does not "own the Heinz Corporation" she has no involvement whatsoever with the management or operations of the H.J. Heinz Company, nor does she own anything close to a controlling interest of the company's stock. According to Heinz itself, the Heinz family trust which Mrs. Kerry inherited sold most of its shares of Heinz stock back in 1995 and currently holds less than a 4% interest in the company:

Neither Mrs. Heinz Kerry nor Senator Kerry nor any of the Heinz trusts or endowments either individually or collectively holds a significant percentage of shares of the H.J. Heinz Company. In 1995 the Heinz Endowments and family trusts sold a large percentage of Heinz shares in a secondary share offering to diversify their holdings. As a result, their current holdings are under 4 percent.

There is no connection between any philanthropic programs of the H.J. Heinz Company and its Foundation and the Heinz family interests (including the Howard Heinz Endowment, the Vira Heinz Endowment, and the Heinz Family Philanthropies).

(A 4% stake in a company as large as Heinz still represents a considerable amount of money, but it isn't nearly large enough a share to give the holder any significant control or influence over the company's business decisions.)

Moreover, the Heinz Company's operations are not an example of the type of outsourcing that is currently a hot political issue (i.e., sending out work to offshore companies to provide services which a company might otherwise have employed its own staff to perform). Heinz is a U.S.-based global business which sells its products in dozens of other countries, and like other food companies it has to localize some of its production at factories located in its foreign market areas. (It makes little sense from either an economic or a freshness standpoint to be shipping fruits and vegetables and/or finished food products halfway around the world rather than producing them locally.) One wouldn't expect, for example, every can and bottle of Coca-Cola sold anywhere in the world whether it be Australia, China, or Portugal to be produced by U.S. bottlers.)

Posted by Eric at 06:12 PM | Comments (4)

July 14, 2004

New Book: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Former Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi has released a new book: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised : Democracy, the Internet, and the Overthrow of Everything. I'm particularly grateful to Trippi for not only helping popularize blogs, but also for signing a review copy for me! Anyway, the book description:

This is the story of how Trippi's revolutionary use of the Internet and an impassioned, contagious desire to overthrow politics as usual grew into a national grassroots movement and changed the face of politics forever. But it's also more than that.

It's about how to engage Americans in real dialogue, how business leaders, government leaders, and anyone else can make use of the most revolutionary idea to come along since man first learned to light a fire. No ... not the Internet. Or computers. Or telecommunications.

Democracy.

For those who thought the Dean campaign ended with a screaming speech in an Iowa ballroom, this book is a wake-up call. Joe Trippi explains how -- right now -- Internet democracy is trans forming every aspect of American life by evenly distributing power. He reveals innovations that are on the horizon, which companies are poised to become first-movers in this new era, and which are in danger of being left behind.

You can read a book excerpt online. Also, check out Joe's group, Change for America.

Posted by Eric at 04:57 PM | Comments (43)

New Book: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Former Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi has released a new book: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised : Democracy, the Internet, and the Overthrow of Everything. I'm particularly grateful to Trippi for not only helping popularize blogs, but also for signing a review copy for me! Anyway, the book description:

This is the story of how Trippi's revolutionary use of the Internet and an impassioned, contagious desire to overthrow politics as usual grew into a national grassroots movement and changed the face of politics forever. But it's also more than that.

It's about how to engage Americans in real dialogue, how business leaders, government leaders, and anyone else can make use of the most revolutionary idea to come along since man first learned to light a fire. No ... not the Internet. Or computers. Or telecommunications.

Democracy.

For those who thought the Dean campaign ended with a screaming speech in an Iowa ballroom, this book is a wake-up call. Joe Trippi explains how -- right now -- Internet democracy is trans forming every aspect of American life by evenly distributing power. He reveals innovations that are on the horizon, which companies are poised to become first-movers in this new era, and which are in danger of being left behind.

You can read a book excerpt online. Also, check out Joe's group, Change for America.

Posted by Eric at 04:57 PM | Comments (2)

July 12, 2004

Comedy Monday

"It was reported that John Kerry and John Edwards together are worth over half a billion dollars. In fact, they are both worth so much, they've decided to vote for the Republicans." Conan O'Brien

"If anything, Kerry's decision only cements his reputation as a flip-flopper. First he doesn't have a running mate, now he has a running mate. C'mon man, make up your mind." The Daily Show's Rob Corddry

"Dick Cheney was at the ball game last night. During the 7th inning they showed him on the jumbotron at Yankee Stadium and everyone started booing him. You know Dick Cheney has a temper. He went a little crazy and went around the stadium and grabbed everyone that booed him and then he ran them all around naked on a leash." David Letterman

"The New York Post made a major mistake. They said Kerry chose Dick Gephardt. Ladies and gentlemen this is not the only mistake the New York Post has made lately. Take a look at this headline, 'Dick Cheney Wins New York Marathon.'" Conan O'Brien

"Interrogators say that Saddam is arrogant. He's defiant. He thinks he's still popular and that people love him and he thinks he's still president no, wait that's Bush." David Letterman


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 10:28 AM | Comments (21)

Comedy Monday

"It was reported that John Kerry and John Edwards together are worth over half a billion dollars. In fact, they are both worth so much, they've decided to vote for the Republicans." Conan O'Brien

"If anything, Kerry's decision only cements his reputation as a flip-flopper. First he doesn't have a running mate, now he has a running mate. C'mon man, make up your mind." The Daily Show's Rob Corddry

"Dick Cheney was at the ball game last night. During the 7th inning they showed him on the jumbotron at Yankee Stadium and everyone started booing him. You know Dick Cheney has a temper. He went a little crazy and went around the stadium and grabbed everyone that booed him and then he ran them all around naked on a leash." David Letterman

"The New York Post made a major mistake. They said Kerry chose Dick Gephardt. Ladies and gentlemen this is not the only mistake the New York Post has made lately. Take a look at this headline, 'Dick Cheney Wins New York Marathon.'" Conan O'Brien

"Interrogators say that Saddam is arrogant. He's defiant. He thinks he's still popular and that people love him and he thinks he's still president no, wait that's Bush." David Letterman


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 10:28 AM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2004

400 Grand on First Day

Setting a nonfiction record:

Bill Clinton's autobiography, "My Life," sold more than 400,000 copies in the United States on Tuesday in its first day of release, the most ever for a nonfiction book and double the believed previous record holder, wife Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's "Living History."

The former president's publisher, Alfred A. Knopf, announced an additional printing of 725,000 copies, bringing the total to 2.25 million.

"My Life" is Amazon.com's best seller in the United States, England, France and Japan. The audiobook, read by Clinton, sold 35,000 copies in the United States, also a first-day record.

Buy the book online, send The Hamster a few bucks.

Posted by Eric at 06:38 AM | Comments (8)

400 Grand on First Day

Setting a nonfiction record:

Bill Clinton's autobiography, "My Life," sold more than 400,000 copies in the United States on Tuesday in its first day of release, the most ever for a nonfiction book and double the believed previous record holder, wife Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's "Living History."

The former president's publisher, Alfred A. Knopf, announced an additional printing of 725,000 copies, bringing the total to 2.25 million.

"My Life" is Amazon.com's best seller in the United States, England, France and Japan. The audiobook, read by Clinton, sold 35,000 copies in the United States, also a first-day record.

Buy the book online, send The Hamster a few bucks.

Posted by Eric at 06:38 AM | Comments (0)

June 23, 2004

Hooo Boy

No comment.

Posted by Eric at 02:30 AM | Comments (43)

Hooo Boy

No comment.

Posted by Eric at 02:30 AM | Comments (18)

June 17, 2004

"America the Beautiful" Written by Gay Woman

Interesting factoid, considering the song has often been appropriated by red-blooded conservatives for conservative pursuits.

Posted by Eric at 05:09 AM | Comments (7)

"America the Beautiful" Written by Gay Woman

Interesting factoid, considering the song has often been appropriated by red-blooded conservatives for conservative pursuits.

Posted by Eric at 05:09 AM | Comments (0)

New Books: Gag Rule and Politics: Observations and Arguments

cover

Penguin Books sent me two review copies of political interest books. The first, from Lewis Lapham, editor of Harper's, is a book extolling First Amendment freedoms and condemning the Bush administration's use of the Patriot Act, among other things. The cover describes Lapham's book as "an urgent new polemic about the stifling of the American public's capacity for meaningful dissent, the lifeblood of our democracy, at the hands of a government and media increasingly beholden only to the country's wealthy few."

Publishers Weekly says of the book:

Lapham, editor of Harper's, plays the role of a modern-day Tom Paine, propelling stinging criticisms and scathing indictments at the Bush administration and its supporters for what he claims are their bald-faced deceptions about the justifications for the war in Iraq and for establishing policiesespecially the USA Patriot Acthe sees as aimed at silencing dissent about its policies and the war in Iraq. Lapham argues that the muting of dissenting voices has contributed to the erosion of democracy, because policy disagreements form the heart of a democratic republic. Most disturbing, says Lapham, is the complicity of the media in its support of the steady erosion of individual civil liberties in the name of national security. Lapham also levels forceful criticism at our educational system: "An inept and insolent bureaucracy armed with badly written textbooks instills in the class the attitudes of passivity, compliance, and boredom." This, charges Lapham (30 Satires; Theater of War; etc.), results in schools producing citizens who blindly accept the pronouncements of their leaders. The United States, he points out in a strong historical sketch, has a deep history of quashing dissent when politicians have raised alarms over perceived threats to the well-being of the country, most notably with the Sedition Act of 1798, the Espionage Act of 1917 and, he asserts, the Patriot Act. Lapham's compelling book reminds us that "democracy is an uproar, and if we mean to engage the argument about the course of the American future let us hope that it proves to be loud, disorderly, bitter and fierce."

cover

The second, from Hendrik Hertzberg, Jimmy Carter's chief speechwriter, claims to break "down American politics into component parts-campaigns, debates, rhetoric, the media, wars (cultural, countercultural, and real), high crimes and misdemeanors, the right, and more-and draws the choicest, most telling pieces from his body of work to illuminate each, beginning each section with a new piece of writing framing the subject at hand."

The 512 pg book, as Publisher's Weekly notes, has "plenty of direct criticism of George W. Bush and his handling of the war on terror, in the context of Hertzberg's longstanding dissatisfaction with neoconservatives and self-appointed protectors of "Judeo-Christian" values."

Posted by Eric at 05:00 AM | Comments (10)

New Books: Gag Rule and Politics: Observations and Arguments

cover

Penguin Books sent me two review copies of political interest books. The first, from Lewis Lapham, editor of Harper's, is a book extolling First Amendment freedoms and condemning the Bush administration's use of the Patriot Act, among other things. The cover describes Lapham's book as "an urgent new polemic about the stifling of the American public's capacity for meaningful dissent, the lifeblood of our democracy, at the hands of a government and media increasingly beholden only to the country's wealthy few."

Publishers Weekly says of the book:

Lapham, editor of Harper's, plays the role of a modern-day Tom Paine, propelling stinging criticisms and scathing indictments at the Bush administration and its supporters for what he claims are their bald-faced deceptions about the justifications for the war in Iraq and for establishing policiesespecially the USA Patriot Acthe sees as aimed at silencing dissent about its policies and the war in Iraq. Lapham argues that the muting of dissenting voices has contributed to the erosion of democracy, because policy disagreements form the heart of a democratic republic. Most disturbing, says Lapham, is the complicity of the media in its support of the steady erosion of individual civil liberties in the name of national security. Lapham also levels forceful criticism at our educational system: "An inept and insolent bureaucracy armed with badly written textbooks instills in the class the attitudes of passivity, compliance, and boredom." This, charges Lapham (30 Satires; Theater of War; etc.), results in schools producing citizens who blindly accept the pronouncements of their leaders. The United States, he points out in a strong historical sketch, has a deep history of quashing dissent when politicians have raised alarms over perceived threats to the well-being of the country, most notably with the Sedition Act of 1798, the Espionage Act of 1917 and, he asserts, the Patriot Act. Lapham's compelling book reminds us that "democracy is an uproar, and if we mean to engage the argument about the course of the American future let us hope that it proves to be loud, disorderly, bitter and fierce."

cover

The second, from Hendrik Hertzberg, Jimmy Carter's chief speechwriter, claims to break "down American politics into component parts-campaigns, debates, rhetoric, the media, wars (cultural, countercultural, and real), high crimes and misdemeanors, the right, and more-and draws the choicest, most telling pieces from his body of work to illuminate each, beginning each section with a new piece of writing framing the subject at hand."

The 512 pg book, as Publisher's Weekly notes, has "plenty of direct criticism of George W. Bush and his handling of the war on terror, in the context of Hertzberg's longstanding dissatisfaction with neoconservatives and self-appointed protectors of "Judeo-Christian" values."

Posted by Eric at 05:00 AM | Comments (2)

June 14, 2004

Monday Open Thread

Out for the day.

Posted by Eric at 09:43 AM | Comments (4)

Monday Open Thread

Out for the day.

Posted by Eric at 09:43 AM | Comments (3)

June 09, 2004

AlFrankenWeb.com

If for some reason you're wondering, my other site, AlFrankenWeb.com, is down because I let my domain name expire ... ooops. Hopefully it'll be back up soon.

At least I'm in good company.

Posted by Eric at 06:12 AM | Comments (14)

AlFrankenWeb.com

If for some reason you're wondering, my other site, AlFrankenWeb.com, is down because I let my domain name expire ... ooops. Hopefully it'll be back up soon.

At least I'm in good company.

Posted by Eric at 06:12 AM | Comments (1)

June 07, 2004

Daily Show Book in Sept

Call grandma, wake up the kids ...

Posted by Eric at 03:36 AM | Comments (55)

Daily Show Book in Sept

Call grandma, wake up the kids ...

Posted by Eric at 03:36 AM | Comments (5)

Comedy Monday

"There is good news tonight for Ahmed Chalabi. It turns out that all along he was providing accurate, truthful, helpful information. Unfortunately, it was to Iran." Jon Stewart

"President Bush has been campaigning around the country and today the crowd got so pumped up they started chanting, 'Four more wars, four more wars.'" Craig Kilborn

"President Bush is leaving Washington for a long vacation. I'm sorry that's November's joke." Craig Kilborn

"President Bush announced that the Abu Ghraib prison will be closed. Another place Bush put out of business." Jay Leno


Trailer. Will Ferrell in Anchorman

NationalLampoon. A Guide to Sarcasm and Other Verbal Methods. Excerpts from Chapter 6: "Sarcasm for Like Total Geniuses."

TheOnion. Gay Couple Feels Pressured To Marry

TheOnion. Poll: Many Americans Still Unsure Whom To Vote Against

WhiteHouse.org. President Bush's Warm Farewell Telegram Thanking Ahmed Chalabi for Helping Program America to Thirst for Steaming Goblets of Saddam Hussein's Blood

WhiteHouse.org. NOW HIRING: President Bush Seeks New Director of Central Intelligence to Clean Up the Mess Left Behind by the Last of Bill Clinton's Lousy Appointees
Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 01:20 AM | Comments (12)

Comedy Monday

"There is good news tonight for Ahmed Chalabi. It turns out that all along he was providing accurate, truthful, helpful information. Unfortunately, it was to Iran." Jon Stewart

"President Bush has been campaigning around the country and today the crowd got so pumped up they started chanting, 'Four more wars, four more wars.'" Craig Kilborn

"President Bush is leaving Washington for a long vacation. I'm sorry that's November's joke." Craig Kilborn

"President Bush announced that the Abu Ghraib prison will be closed. Another place Bush put out of business." Jay Leno


Trailer. Will Ferrell in Anchorman

NationalLampoon. A Guide to Sarcasm and Other Verbal Methods. Excerpts from Chapter 6: "Sarcasm for Like Total Geniuses."

TheOnion. Gay Couple Feels Pressured To Marry

TheOnion. Poll: Many Americans Still Unsure Whom To Vote Against

WhiteHouse.org. President Bush's Warm Farewell Telegram Thanking Ahmed Chalabi for Helping Program America to Thirst for Steaming Goblets of Saddam Hussein's Blood

WhiteHouse.org. NOW HIRING: President Bush Seeks New Director of Central Intelligence to Clean Up the Mess Left Behind by the Last of Bill Clinton's Lousy Appointees
Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 01:20 AM | Comments (0)

June 03, 2004

The "Open Thread"

Out today. Feel free to post away; let's see if this gets more than 5 comments!

Edit: Thanks to all who commented. Perhaps another open thread soon.

Posted by Eric at 04:51 AM | Comments (237)

The "Open Thread"

Out today. Feel free to post away; let's see if this gets more than 5 comments!

Edit: Thanks to all who commented. Perhaps another open thread soon.

Posted by Eric at 04:51 AM | Comments (26)

June 02, 2004

Sex-Ed Fun

Hilarious:

Pamela Norris says her high school sex-education class consisted of watching Three Stooges movies and coloring.

"It wasn't really based on sex," complained the student at Curie High School on the Southwest Side.

Well, obviously she hasn't seen the good Three Stooges videos.

Posted by Eric at 05:50 AM | Comments (42)

Sex-Ed Fun

Hilarious:

Pamela Norris says her high school sex-education class consisted of watching Three Stooges movies and coloring.

"It wasn't really based on sex," complained the student at Curie High School on the Southwest Side.

Well, obviously she hasn't seen the good Three Stooges videos.

Posted by Eric at 05:50 AM | Comments (5)

May 24, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Nader actually said we have very serious differences with John Kerry. What's with the 'we'? Don't you have to have at least one supporter to be a 'we'?" Jay Leno

"John Kerry speaks French, but he tries to avoid it. So, if a reporter asks him questions in French he'll pretend like he doesn't understand. Bush, on the other hand, has the same problem with English." David Letterman

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader. Wouldn't you have liked to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation? And if you had, you would have been the most charismatic thing in the room." David Letterman

"John Kerry is on the attack and he has called now for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld. As a response, Rumsfeld stripped Kerry naked and ran him around on a leash." David Letterman

"The latest polls find the president at 44 percent, about half of what they were when everybody overcompensated for underestimating him." Michael Feldman


Jon Stewart's commencement address at William and Marry.

Flashback: Conan O'Brien's commencement address at Harvard.

Top 10 Dirtiest Foods Will Make You Sick.

Jon Lovitz is 'stud muffin,' model says.

Jewel Concert: Fan calls it the worst concert ever :

"People were literally walking out of the show," she said. "As soon as she came out, she began to insult us. We thought she was joking at first because it was kind of weird."

Witnesses said Jewel went on a tirade of insults from poking fun at fat people to others with no teeth. At one point, she asked the audience to yell requests and then told them to "shut the hell up."

"I saw her live in Boston and it was the greatest show Ive ever been to," Dion said. "I dont know if she was having a nervous breakdown or what. She told everyone to stop looking at her teeth and look at her breasts."


Faux News. USA Network To Air Series Finale Of Rumsfeld.

DU. The Top Ten Conservative Idiots.

The Onion. Asshole Admits To Being Asshole In Supreme Asshole Move.

The Onion. U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror.

TheOnion.com: White House Slam Dunk Contest Results In No Slam Dunks
WASHINGTON, DCThe annual White House Slam Dunk Contest, a spring ritual since 1977, featured its usual share of cringe-worthy misses and twisted knees Monday, but once again, no slam dunks. "I tell you, this is some sorry stuff I'm seeing," celebrity judge and former San Antonio Spur George "Iceman" Gervin said, holding up a "1" card after press secretary Scott McClellan made an awkward leap in a pair of wingtips. "The three-point contest was bad enough, but this is just depressing." The last White House slam dunk on record occurred in 1983, when a blindfolded Secretary of the Interior James Watt leaped from the foul line to execute an aerial 360-spin into a tomahawk that shattered the backboard.


Drawings.

natalie dee.

exploding dog


Ali G Quotes.

"There has been enough sadness since the terrible events of 7-11"

"You better learn these things from my man Buzz Lightyear"

"Is Disneyland a part of the UN?"

Ali : Do you think women should be on juries?
Pickles : Oh yes, of course.
Ali : What about when they got the painters in?
Pickles : I'm sorry?
Ali : What about when it's rag week? How can they be thinking straight, serious! Serious, my woman, she doesn't know what's going on, guilty *everyone is guilty when it's her time, everyone is guilty, I do something small - GUILTY! You should be chopped, whatever.
Pickles : I don't honestly think you could start asking people intimate questions and say "no, you can't do this."
Ali : Exactly, this is why you should not have women on juries.

Ali G: Is the brain's memory any good?
C. Everett Koop: The brain's memory is perfect.
Ali G: Then how come I can't remember me pin number?
C. Everett Koop: Well...
Ali G: I think it's got like a '4' in it...
C. Everett Koop: I can give you a quick answer and say you're stupid.
Ali G: Well, that's obviously not the real reason.
C. Everett Koop: Well, it's the beginning of truth.

Attribution: IMDB, Shane McDonald


Click down for comics.

Posted by Eric at 03:50 PM | Comments (9)

Comedy Monday

"Nader actually said we have very serious differences with John Kerry. What's with the 'we'? Don't you have to have at least one supporter to be a 'we'?" Jay Leno

"John Kerry speaks French, but he tries to avoid it. So, if a reporter asks him questions in French he'll pretend like he doesn't understand. Bush, on the other hand, has the same problem with English." David Letterman

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader. Wouldn't you have liked to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation? And if you had, you would have been the most charismatic thing in the room." David Letterman

"John Kerry is on the attack and he has called now for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld. As a response, Rumsfeld stripped Kerry naked and ran him around on a leash." David Letterman

"The latest polls find the president at 44 percent, about half of what they were when everybody overcompensated for underestimating him." Michael Feldman


Jon Stewart's commencement address at William and Marry.

Flashback: Conan O'Brien's commencement address at Harvard.

Top 10 Dirtiest Foods Will Make You Sick.

Jon Lovitz is 'stud muffin,' model says.

Jewel Concert: Fan calls it the worst concert ever :

"People were literally walking out of the show," she said. "As soon as she came out, she began to insult us. We thought she was joking at first because it was kind of weird."

Witnesses said Jewel went on a tirade of insults from poking fun at fat people to others with no teeth. At one point, she asked the audience to yell requests and then told them to "shut the hell up."

"I saw her live in Boston and it was the greatest show Ive ever been to," Dion said. "I dont know if she was having a nervous breakdown or what. She told everyone to stop looking at her teeth and look at her breasts."


Faux News. USA Network To Air Series Finale Of Rumsfeld.

DU. The Top Ten Conservative Idiots.

The Onion. Asshole Admits To Being Asshole In Supreme Asshole Move.

The Onion. U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror.

TheOnion.com: White House Slam Dunk Contest Results In No Slam Dunks
WASHINGTON, DCThe annual White House Slam Dunk Contest, a spring ritual since 1977, featured its usual share of cringe-worthy misses and twisted knees Monday, but once again, no slam dunks. "I tell you, this is some sorry stuff I'm seeing," celebrity judge and former San Antonio Spur George "Iceman" Gervin said, holding up a "1" card after press secretary Scott McClellan made an awkward leap in a pair of wingtips. "The three-point contest was bad enough, but this is just depressing." The last White House slam dunk on record occurred in 1983, when a blindfolded Secretary of the Interior James Watt leaped from the foul line to execute an aerial 360-spin into a tomahawk that shattered the backboard.


Drawings.

natalie dee.

exploding dog


Ali G Quotes.

"There has been enough sadness since the terrible events of 7-11"

"You better learn these things from my man Buzz Lightyear"

"Is Disneyland a part of the UN?"

Ali : Do you think women should be on juries?
Pickles : Oh yes, of course.
Ali : What about when they got the painters in?
Pickles : I'm sorry?
Ali : What about when it's rag week? How can they be thinking straight, serious! Serious, my woman, she doesn't know what's going on, guilty *everyone is guilty when it's her time, everyone is guilty, I do something small - GUILTY! You should be chopped, whatever.
Pickles : I don't honestly think you could start asking people intimate questions and say "no, you can't do this."
Ali : Exactly, this is why you should not have women on juries.

Ali G: Is the brain's memory any good?
C. Everett Koop: The brain's memory is perfect.
Ali G: Then how come I can't remember me pin number?
C. Everett Koop: Well...
Ali G: I think it's got like a '4' in it...
C. Everett Koop: I can give you a quick answer and say you're stupid.
Ali G: Well, that's obviously not the real reason.
C. Everett Koop: Well, it's the beginning of truth.

Attribution: IMDB, Shane McDonald


Click down for comics.

Posted by Eric at 03:50 PM | Comments (1)

May 21, 2004

Clark - Drudge Rumor Persists

Columbia's CJR reports on the "The Drudge Report: The Gift That Keeps on Giving":

Back in February, Matt Drudge wrote an undocumented story claiming that one of John Kerry's interns had fled the country at the candidate's request, just as Kerry was fighting off a "media probe of recent alleged infidelity." In the piece, Drudge claimed that Wesley Clark had told a group of reporters that "Kerry will implode over an intern issue" in an off-the-record conversation.

The Kerry intern story turned out to be bogus, as did the claim that Clark had spread the rumor. As Campaign Desk noted at the time (and has written about subsequently as well), The New Republic's Ryan Lizza and reporters we spoke to on background who were present for the comments all confirm that Clark never said anything about an intern during the conversation in question. The retired general did say he believed there was a story coming out that might damage Kerry, but, according to one reporter, he didn't seem to have any idea what it might be.

Thankfully, the rumor about Kerry's infidelity seems to have faded into the ether. But, maddeningly, the claim that Clark spread the rumor has endured. An alert reader emailed us today about a Boston Globe piece by Peter Canellos containing the following paragraph ...

Posted by Eric at 02:52 PM | Comments (23)

Clark - Drudge Rumor Persists

Columbia's CJR reports on the "The Drudge Report: The Gift That Keeps on Giving":

Back in February, Matt Drudge wrote an undocumented story claiming that one of John Kerry's interns had fled the country at the candidate's request, just as Kerry was fighting off a "media probe of recent alleged infidelity." In the piece, Drudge claimed that Wesley Clark had told a group of reporters that "Kerry will implode over an intern issue" in an off-the-record conversation.

The Kerry intern story turned out to be bogus, as did the claim that Clark had spread the rumor. As Campaign Desk noted at the time (and has written about subsequently as well), The New Republic's Ryan Lizza and reporters we spoke to on background who were present for the comments all confirm that Clark never said anything about an intern during the conversation in question. The retired general did say he believed there was a story coming out that might damage Kerry, but, according to one reporter, he didn't seem to have any idea what it might be.

Thankfully, the rumor about Kerry's infidelity seems to have faded into the ether. But, maddeningly, the claim that Clark spread the rumor has endured. An alert reader emailed us today about a Boston Globe piece by Peter Canellos containing the following paragraph ...

Posted by Eric at 02:52 PM | Comments (4)

May 19, 2004

Are the Bush Kiddies Off Fighting the War?

David F. D'Alessandro, chairman and chief executive officer of John Hancock Financial Services in the Boston Globe, on children of the rich and fighting in war:

FOR TWO GUYS about the same age, George W. Bush and I do not have much in common. There are, however, two realities we do share: His daughter Barbara and my son Michael both attend Yale. And neither one is about to join the United States armed forces in Iraq. Why not?

Because they don't have to, they don't want to, and George W. and I won't let them ... That's why the president is able to press on: All he has at risk personally is his presidency, not his children. That's why I am not organizing protests and why the rest of us are not outraged at every turn. This war has no personal consequences for most of us who as '60s peaceniks changed the world. Shame on us, both of us -- all of us.

John Kerry was right when he said it in 1971, and he would be wise to take a stand now and say it again: "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" Mr. President, as this semester ends at Yale, I won't ask Michael to die for a mistake. Are you going to ask that of Barbara?

Posted by Eric at 04:32 PM | Comments (1)

Are the Bush Kiddies Off Fighting the War?

David F. D'Alessandro, chairman and chief executive officer of John Hancock Financial Services in the Boston Globe, on children of the rich and fighting in war:

FOR TWO GUYS about the same age, George W. Bush and I do not have much in common. There are, however, two realities we do share: His daughter Barbara and my son Michael both attend Yale. And neither one is about to join the United States armed forces in Iraq. Why not?

Because they don't have to, they don't want to, and George W. and I won't let them ... That's why the president is able to press on: All he has at risk personally is his presidency, not his children. That's why I am not organizing protests and why the rest of us are not outraged at every turn. This war has no personal consequences for most of us who as '60s peaceniks changed the world. Shame on us, both of us -- all of us.

John Kerry was right when he said it in 1971, and he would be wise to take a stand now and say it again: "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" Mr. President, as this semester ends at Yale, I won't ask Michael to die for a mistake. Are you going to ask that of Barbara?

Posted by Eric at 04:32 PM | Comments (9)

May 17, 2004

Comedy Monday

"A Bush administration official told Congress yesterday that the war in Iraq could cost almost 60 billion dollars. President Bush said he plans to pay for it with a video series called 'Prison Guards Gone Wild." Conan O'Brien

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad this week where he told reporters, 'If anyone thinks I'm here to throw water on a fire, they're wrong.' So, more bad news for Iraqi prisoners who are on fire." Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new study on the best and worst US cities for dating, the best city for dating is Austin, Texas. And the worst city for dating, for the 7th year in a row, DateRapeville, Maine." Jimmy Fallon

"Colorado has passed a law that gives every high school student in the state $2,400 to attend a university. The governor said, "it's my dream that every child has enough money to attend college...for 8 days"." Jimmy Fallon

"Madonna has gone to court in an attempt to stop hikers from walking across her property in England. She should try playing Madonna music, that would keep people away." Tina Fey

"President Bush delivered a commencement speech at a university in Wisconsin. A very inspirational speech. Apparently Bush told the students, 'You can do anything in life if your parents work hard enough.'" Conan O'Brien

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad where he visited Abu Ghraib prison. Apparently, the visit was going well until Rumsfeld took out his camera and said, 'Hey, how about a few pictures?'" Conan O'Brien


Dusty Scott: Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time.

The Onion: Bush Vows To Pay Closer Attention To Needs Of Non-Presidents.

The Onion: Woman At Farscape Convention Has Dangerously Inflated Self-Image.

Humor Gazette: Bush says terrorists are behind Newsweek approval rating poll.

whitehouse.org: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld Briefs America's FREEDOM -Crusaders on Kinder, Gentler New Guidelines for Interrogating Maybe-Terrorist Trash.

whitehouse.org: Decorate Your Room With Vintage Ronald Reagan Health Posters! .

RedefeatBush.com: Bush on Jeopardy

Celebs without Makeup


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 06:56 PM | Comments (3)

Comedy Monday

"A Bush administration official told Congress yesterday that the war in Iraq could cost almost 60 billion dollars. President Bush said he plans to pay for it with a video series called 'Prison Guards Gone Wild." Conan O'Brien

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad this week where he told reporters, 'If anyone thinks I'm here to throw water on a fire, they're wrong.' So, more bad news for Iraqi prisoners who are on fire." Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new study on the best and worst US cities for dating, the best city for dating is Austin, Texas. And the worst city for dating, for the 7th year in a row, DateRapeville, Maine." Jimmy Fallon

"Colorado has passed a law that gives every high school student in the state $2,400 to attend a university. The governor said, "it's my dream that every child has enough money to attend college...for 8 days"." Jimmy Fallon

"Madonna has gone to court in an attempt to stop hikers from walking across her property in England. She should try playing Madonna music, that would keep people away." Tina Fey

"President Bush delivered a commencement speech at a university in Wisconsin. A very inspirational speech. Apparently Bush told the students, 'You can do anything in life if your parents work hard enough.'" Conan O'Brien

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad where he visited Abu Ghraib prison. Apparently, the visit was going well until Rumsfeld took out his camera and said, 'Hey, how about a few pictures?'" Conan O'Brien


Dusty Scott: Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time.

The Onion: Bush Vows To Pay Closer Attention To Needs Of Non-Presidents.

The Onion: Woman At Farscape Convention Has Dangerously Inflated Self-Image.

Humor Gazette: Bush says terrorists are behind Newsweek approval rating poll.

whitehouse.org: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld Briefs America's FREEDOM -Crusaders on Kinder, Gentler New Guidelines for Interrogating Maybe-Terrorist Trash.

whitehouse.org: Decorate Your Room With Vintage Ronald Reagan Health Posters! .

RedefeatBush.com: Bush on Jeopardy

Celebs without Makeup


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 06:56 PM | Comments (1)

The Boss to Take on The Prez?

The NYDN gossip section writes that Bruce Springsteen may try to grab attention from President Bush.

Democratic operatives are buzzing that the Boss has been talking about staging a free concert somewhere on Sept. 2, when President Bush is due to address the Republican National Convention.

Besides getting out the vote, Springsteen hopes to provide "counterprogramming to the message the Republicans will be broadcasting," says a source.

A spokeswoman for Springsteen would only say, "There are no confirmed Bruce shows for 2004."

Posted by Eric at 06:03 PM | Comments (10)

The Boss to Take on The Prez?

The NYDN gossip section writes that Bruce Springsteen may try to grab attention from President Bush.

Democratic operatives are buzzing that the Boss has been talking about staging a free concert somewhere on Sept. 2, when President Bush is due to address the Republican National Convention.

Besides getting out the vote, Springsteen hopes to provide "counterprogramming to the message the Republicans will be broadcasting," says a source.

A spokeswoman for Springsteen would only say, "There are no confirmed Bruce shows for 2004."

Posted by Eric at 06:03 PM | Comments (2)

May 14, 2004

Hillary Clinton Killed Brit Hume's Son

In an interview with David Horowitz's Front Page Magazine, the former editor of Front Page Magazine and NY Post reporter Richard Poe:

Hillary's Secret War tells us that Hillary personally led a secret police force from her office in the White House. Tell us about your proof and evidence.

Poe: The operations of Hillarys secret police have been copiously documented, to the point where the topic can hardly be called controversial any longer.

During the Clinton years, journalists who probed too deeply into Clinton scandals ran terrible risks. Journalists were beaten, wiretapped, framed on criminal charges, fired and blacklisted. They experienced burglaries, IRS audits, smear campaigns and White-House-orchestrated lawsuits.

Some may have paid the ultimate price. In February, 1998, just as the Clinton impeachment was gathering steam, Sandy Hume, the 28-year-old son of Fox News anchorman Brit Hume, suddenly turned up dead of a gunshot to the head. He was covering the U.S. Congress for the magazine The Hill, and was known for his excellent sources among Republican insiders. Sandy Hume supposedly committed suicide, but friends and associates have questioned the official story.

Some of the White House secret police were private detectives, such as Terry Lenzner, Jack Palladino and Anthony Pellicano. Others were Clinton loyalists embedded in federal intelligence and law enforcement agencies such as the FBI, the CIA, the IRS, the NTSB and so on. Many of these people are still in place, and still doing the Clintons dirty work. I call them the Shadow Team.

You can tell that the Clinton intimidation squad worked, since there were no Clinton investigative cover stories, expose books, media-induced scandals, or any sort of uber media hype about the Clinton White House.

Can't make this stuff up.

Posted by Eric at 04:17 AM | Comments (34)

Hillary Clinton Killed Brit Hume's Son

In an interview with David Horowitz's Front Page Magazine, the former editor of Front Page Magazine and NY Post reporter Richard Poe:

Hillary's Secret War tells us that Hillary personally led a secret police force from her office in the White House. Tell us about your proof and evidence.

Poe: The operations of Hillarys secret police have been copiously documented, to the point where the topic can hardly be called controversial any longer.

During the Clinton years, journalists who probed too deeply into Clinton scandals ran terrible risks. Journalists were beaten, wiretapped, framed on criminal charges, fired and blacklisted. They experienced burglaries, IRS audits, smear campaigns and White-House-orchestrated lawsuits.

Some may have paid the ultimate price. In February, 1998, just as the Clinton impeachment was gathering steam, Sandy Hume, the 28-year-old son of Fox News anchorman Brit Hume, suddenly turned up dead of a gunshot to the head. He was covering the U.S. Congress for the magazine The Hill, and was known for his excellent sources among Republican insiders. Sandy Hume supposedly committed suicide, but friends and associates have questioned the official story.

Some of the White House secret police were private detectives, such as Terry Lenzner, Jack Palladino and Anthony Pellicano. Others were Clinton loyalists embedded in federal intelligence and law enforcement agencies such as the FBI, the CIA, the IRS, the NTSB and so on. Many of these people are still in place, and still doing the Clintons dirty work. I call them the Shadow Team.

You can tell that the Clinton intimidation squad worked, since there were no Clinton investigative cover stories, expose books, media-induced scandals, or any sort of uber media hype about the Clinton White House.

Can't make this stuff up.

Posted by Eric at 04:17 AM | Comments (4)

May 13, 2004

Washington Jeopardy

Al Franken plays on Washington Jeopardy today (Thursday). Unfortunately, no O'Reilly.

Posted by Eric at 12:57 AM | Comments (7)

Washington Jeopardy

Al Franken plays on Washington Jeopardy today (Thursday). Unfortunately, no O'Reilly.

Posted by Eric at 12:57 AM | Comments (1)

May 12, 2004

Walid Phares: Liberals Caused Beheading

Phares attempts to connect the Left to the beheadings. No really. "Walid Phares is a Professor of Middle East Studies and Religious Conflict and a Terrorism expert with MSNBC." In Front Page Magazine:

The slaughtering of Nick Berg is one small step for terrorists and a major leap for the Wests encounter with Jihadism. The videotape, posted on the Ansar website, is one of many horrifying acts perpetrated by the followers of Osama bin Laden. It has also become a shameful benchmark in the Wests liberal media reporting. ...

Unfortunately, some among us may have fuelled the blood fiesta that was shown on the website. While Abu Ghraib has now become another way in which terrorists can legitimize killing innocent people, liberal and anti-American voices from this end of the world re-perpetrate this horrid logic, excessively assessing the so-called impact of the Iraqi soldiers abuse by their guards and declaring that the "reactions will be violent and bloody." In other words, they morally legitimized these bloody acts by seeing them as mere responses, not actions that are in line with a culture of death and hatred. So when the slaughter of Berg took place and was posted online, these same voices rushed to establish a moral equality between Abu Ghraib and the savage beheading of an innocent young man. But no such equality exists.

Shame on you, liberals.

Posted by Eric at 03:58 PM | Comments (10)

Walid Phares: Liberals Caused Beheading

Phares attempts to connect the Left to the beheadings. No really. "Walid Phares is a Professor of Middle East Studies and Religious Conflict and a Terrorism expert with MSNBC." In Front Page Magazine:

The slaughtering of Nick Berg is one small step for terrorists and a major leap for the Wests encounter with Jihadism. The videotape, posted on the Ansar website, is one of many horrifying acts perpetrated by the followers of Osama bin Laden. It has also become a shameful benchmark in the Wests liberal media reporting. ...

Unfortunately, some among us may have fuelled the blood fiesta that was shown on the website. While Abu Ghraib has now become another way in which terrorists can legitimize killing innocent people, liberal and anti-American voices from this end of the world re-perpetrate this horrid logic, excessively assessing the so-called impact of the Iraqi soldiers abuse by their guards and declaring that the "reactions will be violent and bloody." In other words, they morally legitimized these bloody acts by seeing them as mere responses, not actions that are in line with a culture of death and hatred. So when the slaughter of Berg took place and was posted online, these same voices rushed to establish a moral equality between Abu Ghraib and the savage beheading of an innocent young man. But no such equality exists.

Shame on you, liberals.

Posted by Eric at 03:58 PM | Comments (8)

May 06, 2004

Blinded by the Right

David Brock's on "The O'Franken Factor" now, which gives me the chance to plug his book once again. One of the better books I've ever read if you want a better understanding of the Right's infrastructure, and the money that funds it. Buy it, borrow it from your library, just read it.

Posted by Eric at 02:14 PM | Comments (13)

Blinded by the Right

David Brock's on "The O'Franken Factor" now, which gives me the chance to plug his book once again. One of the better books I've ever read if you want a better understanding of the Right's infrastructure, and the money that funds it. Buy it, borrow it from your library, just read it.

Posted by Eric at 02:14 PM | Comments (7)

May 03, 2004

Comedy Monday

"GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who as we all know before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis." Jon Stewart

"The issue of Kerry's military service has spawned a number of recent news-like events which have led to Republican charges the decorated war hero has something to hide. Because if there is one thing the Bush administration will not tolerate, it is other people's secrecy." Jon Stewart

"(There's) controversy about Democratic nominee John Kerry throwing away his military medals and ribbons. Not to be outdone, today President Bush threw away his Alabama National Guard spotty attendance ribbon." David Letterman


New Strongbad Email.

Chappelle's Show. Prince and the Revolution take on Charlie Murphy in basketball.

Crank Yankers. Chip reads the comics in a new episode of this crank calling series. Features Fred Armisen.

The Onion. Tom Hanks This Week's Guest President.

MadKane. Alpha Politics.

Redefeat Bush. Tom Hanks This Week's Guest President.


Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

Brian: You are all individuals!
The Crowd: We are all individuals!
Man in crowd: I'm not.

Brian: What will they do to me?
Ben the Prisoner: Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
Brian: CRUCIFIXION?
Ben the Prisoner: Yeah, first offense.

--Life of Brian


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:55 AM | Comments (6)

Comedy Monday

"GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who as we all know before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis." Jon Stewart

"The issue of Kerry's military service has spawned a number of recent news-like events which have led to Republican charges the decorated war hero has something to hide. Because if there is one thing the Bush administration will not tolerate, it is other people's secrecy." Jon Stewart

"(There's) controversy about Democratic nominee John Kerry throwing away his military medals and ribbons. Not to be outdone, today President Bush threw away his Alabama National Guard spotty attendance ribbon." David Letterman


New Strongbad Email.

Chappelle's Show. Prince and the Revolution take on Charlie Murphy in basketball.

Crank Yankers. Chip reads the comics in a new episode of this crank calling series. Features Fred Armisen.

The Onion. Tom Hanks This Week's Guest President.

MadKane. Alpha Politics.

Redefeat Bush. Tom Hanks This Week's Guest President.


Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

Brian: You are all individuals!
The Crowd: We are all individuals!
Man in crowd: I'm not.

Brian: What will they do to me?
Ben the Prisoner: Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
Brian: CRUCIFIXION?
Ben the Prisoner: Yeah, first offense.

--Life of Brian


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:55 AM | Comments (1)

April 29, 2004

When Stupid People Write Stupid Things

E.g. Rene Gonzalez of UMass.

Posted by Eric at 03:51 PM | Comments (31)

When Stupid People Write Stupid Things

E.g. Rene Gonzalez of UMass.

Posted by Eric at 03:51 PM | Comments (5)

April 26, 2004

Clinton's Memoirs to Be Released in June

From the AP:

The book, for which Clinton received a reported $10 million to $12 million, will be called "My Life." Knopf is planning a first printing of 1.5 million, a realistic number given the success of "Living History," the memoirs of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (news - web sites).

Nearly 1.7 million copies of the hardcover of "Living History" are in print and a 525,000 first printing was announced for the paperback, which just came out.

Posted by Eric at 07:14 PM | Comments (15)

Clinton's Memoirs to Be Released in June

From the AP:

The book, for which Clinton received a reported $10 million to $12 million, will be called "My Life." Knopf is planning a first printing of 1.5 million, a realistic number given the success of "Living History," the memoirs of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (news - web sites).

Nearly 1.7 million copies of the hardcover of "Living History" are in print and a 525,000 first printing was announced for the paperback, which just came out.

Posted by Eric at 07:14 PM | Comments (8)

Comedy Monday

"Republican Senator Chuck Hagel says it may be time to reinstate the draft. When President Bush heard about that, he said, 'Uh oh, does that mean I have to go back to Alabama?" Jay Leno

"John Kerry has three Purple Hearts for his war wounds and Dick Cheney has one Purple Heart from deep dish pizza." Jay Leno

"Our old friend independent candidate Ralph Nader says he thinks the draft is coming back. ... But then again, Ralph thinks he's coming back." Jay Leno

"With the situation in Iraq growing ever more dangerous, the 34-member Coalition of The Willing are, one by one, dropping out to join the other coalition known as Most of The Rest of The World." Jon Stewart

"Spain's new Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn." Jon Stewart

"President Bush used an Associated Press luncheon to address a recent poll showing two-thirds of Americans believe another terrorist attack is 'somewhat likely' before the November elections.

Reassure us, Mr. President!

(Bush footage:) 'Our intelligence is good. It's just never perfect, that's the problem. We're disrupting cells here in America. We're chasing people down. But we've got a big country.'

There you have it. Vote Bush in '04. Because if this were Luxembourg, he could keep us safe." Jon Stewart


Sarah Silverman:

"Models are fair game for comics. Why? Because theyre so pretty. Society has no pity for them. But, you know, models scream when you put them in boiling water."

"This is not the first time that Europe has been passive while a Jew-hating tyrant with a weird looking mustache killed the people by giving them gas ... Obviously I'm talking about Chef Boyardee."

"I'm suing my boss for sexual harrassment ... and it's real hard, and a big strain on me ... because he hasn't done anything."

"A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis . . . and I thought, Oh, my God--I'm turning into my mother!"

"I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in and he says [in a clenched, abrupt voice], 'I want pussy!' Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but [rolling her eyes, both embarrassed and proud] he was talking about me. It offended me, obviously, but more than offending me, it made me feel sorry for him. It made me sad. Because it was so obvious to me that this was a person who grew up and who was a child whose mother and father never gave him any pussy."

"Quite frankly, I think it's a good law. I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion.... And it turns out I was just thirsty." on 24-hour abortion waiting periods.


Blender Magazine. Run for Your Life! Its the 50 Worst Songs Ever!

NY Times. Tina Fey: The New Queen of Mean

USAT. Tina Fey: The New Queen of Mean

The Onion. Fey gets her skewers out

Weekly World News. Europe to Become Giant Theme Parka>

Blender Magazine. Remembering the Gun Victims of Columbine: Vice President Cheney's Moving Address to the National Rifle Association's Annual Convention

Bob Odenkirk. HORNSWAGGLED!!! How the Me of Now was Tricked by the Me of Yesterday into Going to War by President George W. Bush


Hamster sellout: Miller Beer: President of Beers ads. Starring Bob Odenkirk of Mr. Show.
Click down for comics.

Posted by Eric at 12:11 AM | Comments (25)

Comedy Monday

"Republican Senator Chuck Hagel says it may be time to reinstate the draft. When President Bush heard about that, he said, 'Uh oh, does that mean I have to go back to Alabama?" Jay Leno

"John Kerry has three Purple Hearts for his war wounds and Dick Cheney has one Purple Heart from deep dish pizza." Jay Leno

"Our old friend independent candidate Ralph Nader says he thinks the draft is coming back. ... But then again, Ralph thinks he's coming back." Jay Leno

"With the situation in Iraq growing ever more dangerous, the 34-member Coalition of The Willing are, one by one, dropping out to join the other coalition known as Most of The Rest of The World." Jon Stewart

"Spain's new Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn." Jon Stewart

"President Bush used an Associated Press luncheon to address a recent poll showing two-thirds of Americans believe another terrorist attack is 'somewhat likely' before the November elections.

Reassure us, Mr. President!

(Bush footage:) 'Our intelligence is good. It's just never perfect, that's the problem. We're disrupting cells here in America. We're chasing people down. But we've got a big country.'

There you have it. Vote Bush in '04. Because if this were Luxembourg, he could keep us safe." Jon Stewart


Sarah Silverman:

"Models are fair game for comics. Why? Because theyre so pretty. Society has no pity for them. But, you know, models scream when you put them in boiling water."

"This is not the first time that Europe has been passive while a Jew-hating tyrant with a weird looking mustache killed the people by giving them gas ... Obviously I'm talking about Chef Boyardee."

"I'm suing my boss for sexual harrassment ... and it's real hard, and a big strain on me ... because he hasn't done anything."

"A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis . . . and I thought, Oh, my God--I'm turning into my mother!"

"I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in and he says [in a clenched, abrupt voice], 'I want pussy!' Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but [rolling her eyes, both embarrassed and proud] he was talking about me. It offended me, obviously, but more than offending me, it made me feel sorry for him. It made me sad. Because it was so obvious to me that this was a person who grew up and who was a child whose mother and father never gave him any pussy."

"Quite frankly, I think it's a good law. I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion.... And it turns out I was just thirsty." on 24-hour abortion waiting periods.


Blender Magazine. Run for Your Life! Its the 50 Worst Songs Ever!

NY Times. Tina Fey: The New Queen of Mean

USAT. Tina Fey: The New Queen of Mean

The Onion. Fey gets her skewers out

Weekly World News. Europe to Become Giant Theme Parka>

Blender Magazine. Remembering the Gun Victims of Columbine: Vice President Cheney's Moving Address to the National Rifle Association's Annual Convention

Bob Odenkirk. HORNSWAGGLED!!! How the Me of Now was Tricked by the Me of Yesterday into Going to War by President George W. Bush


Hamster sellout: Miller Beer: President of Beers ads. Starring Bob Odenkirk of Mr. Show.
Click down for comics.

Posted by Eric at 12:11 AM | Comments (7)

April 19, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Two big announcements coming out of Washington DC. The tour of duty for 20,000 troops in Iraq may be extended. That's too bad. And the other announcement, the tour of duty for President Bush may not be extended." David Letterman

"CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk." David Letterman

"Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night." David Letterman

"Every Monday after Easter, they have the big Easter Egg hunt at the White House. This is interesting, the kids out there found strong evidence of Easter Eggs, but no actual eggs." David Letterman

"President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year." Jay Leno

"This week, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released their tax returns. Cheney made more money than the president. When asked about it, the president said, 'That's true, but he also made more decisions.'" Conan O'Brien


Borowitz Report: MAN AT KUCINICH RALLY JUST LOOKING FOR BATHROOM

Humor Gazette: Critics: President may have evaded Boy Scout service

WhiteHouse.org: President Bush Wholeheartedly Endorses Ariel Sharon's Latest Diplomatic Strategy for the Global Enragement of Muslamian Vermin

The Onion: Bishop Sick Of Local Church Scene

The Onion: Rumsfeld Looking Forward To Secretary's Day


Apprentice: Fire Bush.
Hollywood Reporter. Money talks in 'Chappelles Show' universe; Comedian, Comedy Central in negotiations for third season.

Filter. David Cross to Release New Record.

MTV. William Hung's Sales Figures Are Nothing To Laugh At.

AP. 'Never Scared,' Chris Rock stars in an HBO comedy special.

Click down for toons:

Posted by Eric at 06:56 PM | Comments (21)

Comedy Monday

"Two big announcements coming out of Washington DC. The tour of duty for 20,000 troops in Iraq may be extended. That's too bad. And the other announcement, the tour of duty for President Bush may not be extended." David Letterman

"CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk." David Letterman

"Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night." David Letterman

"Every Monday after Easter, they have the big Easter Egg hunt at the White House. This is interesting, the kids out there found strong evidence of Easter Eggs, but no actual eggs." David Letterman

"President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year." Jay Leno

"This week, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released their tax returns. Cheney made more money than the president. When asked about it, the president said, 'That's true, but he also made more decisions.'" Conan O'Brien


Borowitz Report: MAN AT KUCINICH RALLY JUST LOOKING FOR BATHROOM

Humor Gazette: Critics: President may have evaded Boy Scout service

WhiteHouse.org: President Bush Wholeheartedly Endorses Ariel Sharon's Latest Diplomatic Strategy for the Global Enragement of Muslamian Vermin

The Onion: Bishop Sick Of Local Church Scene

The Onion: Rumsfeld Looking Forward To Secretary's Day


Apprentice: Fire Bush.
Hollywood Reporter. Money talks in 'Chappelles Show' universe; Comedian, Comedy Central in negotiations for third season.

Filter. David Cross to Release New Record.

MTV. William Hung's Sales Figures Are Nothing To Laugh At.

AP. 'Never Scared,' Chris Rock stars in an HBO comedy special.

Click down for toons:

Posted by Eric at 06:56 PM | Comments (4)

Say Hi

To new Hamster supporter, Dr. Miles Nelson, candidate in the Democratic primary in New Mexico's 1st Congressional District against retired DEA agent Eli Chavez and Senate President Pro Tem Rich Romero. The Republican is incumbent Heather Wilson, who has a nice record and has been making a scream about Janet Jackson's peaks of interest:

Viacom was already seen as a repeat offender, with MTV, Comedy Central, Howard Stern and The Opie and Anthony Show on its payroll. So when Karmazin declared that indecency standards needed to be clarified, Rep. Heather Wilson, R-N.M., could hardly control her anger. "You knew what you were doing," she said of the Super Bowl, with tears in her eyes. "You wanted us to be all abuzz. It lines your pockets."

Wilson, like Upton and many social conservatives in Congress, admits a lack of knowledge about MTV. "I don't have cable," she told Rolling Stone in an interview after the hearing.

Posted by Eric at 06:22 PM | Comments (18)

Say Hi

To new Hamster supporter, Dr. Miles Nelson, candidate in the Democratic primary in New Mexico's 1st Congressional District against retired DEA agent Eli Chavez and Senate President Pro Tem Rich Romero. The Republican is incumbent Heather Wilson, who has a nice record and has been making a scream about Janet Jackson's peaks of interest:

Viacom was already seen as a repeat offender, with MTV, Comedy Central, Howard Stern and The Opie and Anthony Show on its payroll. So when Karmazin declared that indecency standards needed to be clarified, Rep. Heather Wilson, R-N.M., could hardly control her anger. "You knew what you were doing," she said of the Super Bowl, with tears in her eyes. "You wanted us to be all abuzz. It lines your pockets."

Wilson, like Upton and many social conservatives in Congress, admits a lack of knowledge about MTV. "I don't have cable," she told Rolling Stone in an interview after the hearing.

Posted by Eric at 06:22 PM | Comments (9)

April 13, 2004

Lies and the Lying Liars

From the DNC:

9/14/03: Cheney: "And since I left Halliburton to become George Bush's vice president, I've severed all my ties with the company, gotten rid of all my financial interests. I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven't had now for over three years." [Vice President Dick Cheney, NBC's Meet the Press]

4/13/04: "In addition, the [Cheney's] tax return reports the payment of deferred compensation from Halliburton Company, in the amount of $178,437." [White House press release]

Indeed.

Posted by Eric at 06:49 PM | Comments (24)

Lies and the Lying Liars

From the DNC:

9/14/03: Cheney: "And since I left Halliburton to become George Bush's vice president, I've severed all my ties with the company, gotten rid of all my financial interests. I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven't had now for over three years." [Vice President Dick Cheney, NBC's Meet the Press]

4/13/04: "In addition, the [Cheney's] tax return reports the payment of deferred compensation from Halliburton Company, in the amount of $178,437." [White House press release]

Indeed.

Posted by Eric at 06:49 PM | Comments (15)

April 08, 2004

Scalia Orders Reporters Erase Tapes of His Talk

With "deputy federal marshal" enforcing his ban on recording of his speech at a high school. Geez! AP:

Two reporters were ordered Wednesday to erase their tape recordings of a speech by U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia at a Mississippi high school.

Scalia has long barred television cameras from his speeches, but does not always forbid newspaper photographers and tape recorders. On Wednesday, he did not warn the audience at the high school that recording devices would be forbidden.

During the speech, a woman identifying herself as a deputy federal marshal demanded that a reporter for Associated Press erase a tape recording of the justice's comments. She said the justice had asked that his appearance not be recorded.

The reporter initially resisted, but later showed the deputy how to erase the digital recording after the officer took the device from her hands. The exchange occurred in the front row of the auditorium while Scalia delivered his speech about the Constitution.

Posted by Eric at 08:39 PM | Comments (24)

Scalia Orders Reporters Erase Tapes of His Talk

With "deputy federal marshal" enforcing his ban on recording of his speech at a high school. Geez! AP:

Two reporters were ordered Wednesday to erase their tape recordings of a speech by U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia at a Mississippi high school.

Scalia has long barred television cameras from his speeches, but does not always forbid newspaper photographers and tape recorders. On Wednesday, he did not warn the audience at the high school that recording devices would be forbidden.

During the speech, a woman identifying herself as a deputy federal marshal demanded that a reporter for Associated Press erase a tape recording of the justice's comments. She said the justice had asked that his appearance not be recorded.

The reporter initially resisted, but later showed the deputy how to erase the digital recording after the officer took the device from her hands. The exchange occurred in the front row of the auditorium while Scalia delivered his speech about the Constitution.

Posted by Eric at 08:39 PM | Comments (5)

April 05, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Last night, President Bush raised $1.5 million in Washington, DC, at a fundraiser. It's all part of his new program, No Cash Left Behind." David Letterman

"Earlier today, President Bush and Senator John Kerry released new political ads that don't attack each other and discuss the issues in an intelligent and accurate manner. ... April Fools!" Conan O'Brien

"Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced this week that after he got elected, he took a voluntary course on sexual harassment. Arnold says the sexual harassment course was a waste of time because quote 'I already know how to do it.'" Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday in California, John Kerry made a speech announcing a plan to control gas prices. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'That's crazy, only Dick Cheney can control gas prices.'" Conan O'Brien

"They say that Saddam is stonewalling, he's refusing to talk, he's not giving out any information. No, wait a minute, that's Condoleezza Rice." David Letterman


Conan's Late Start - Does He Want 11:30? NYTimes:
The most obvious next step is to be host of a show earlier in the evening in the coveted 11:30 period, made famous by Jack Paar and Johnny Carson. At NBC, that job is currently held by Jay Leno, who consistently trounces all competition. Until recently, it was possible for Mr. O'Brien and his team to imagine a time in the not-too-distant future when Jay might step down from his throne, and Conan might step up. But last week, NBC announced it was extending Mr. Leno's contract to the end of the decade. The decision has inescapable implications for Mr. O'Brien's career, as everyone around him knows.

Gavin Polone, Mr. O'Brien's manager and long-time friend, puts it in the plainest terms. "There's just no question that he's going to be on earlier than 12:30," he says. "He's going to 11:30. It's going to happen."

There it is: the late-night star at 12:30 is pondering a move to 11:30 (it's really 12:35 and 11:35, rounded off for convenience). If it sounds at all familiar, it's because we've been here before same time, and yes, same channel. David Letterman starred in the original; after more than a decade as host of the later show, he was blocked from advancing to the main room, the 11:35 show, the franchise, NBC's "Tonight" Show, because NBC decided to give Johnny Carson's chair to a guy its executives believed was a more mainstream and cooperative star.

Now Conan O'Brien is getting set for the remake. And Jay Leno is being cast yet again as the man in possession of the prize. Mr. O'Brien has a little over a year and half left on his NBC deal, which means in only a matter of months he's likely to find himself in the precise position that David Letterman did in 1993: choosing between staying in his comfortable 12:35 home on NBC and chasing that hour-earlier dream on other networks.


I Love March Birthdays. Don't ask me to explain this one.

Crank Yankers: "Hadassah's having a baby in a new episode of this crank calling series. Features Sarah Silverman"

Crank Yankers:"Elmer Calls a Brothel"

Crank Yankers:"Gladys' Slime with Wanda Sykes.


From the Late Show:

Top Ten Questions You're Afraid To Ask Condoleezza Rice


10. "Did Bush ever hurt himself trying to pronounce your name?"

9. "At cabinet meetings, who besides you and Cheney wear lipstick?"

8. "Do you know Leeza Gibbons?"

7. "Do you own a condo?"

6. "Did you ever try the 'Condoleezza Rice' at Chi-Chi's?"

5. "As a souvenir, did you keep any of Saddam's beard lice?"

4. "Hey, where'd you get that cool Halliburton sweatshirt?"

3. "Who told CNN that Letterman faked the footage of the bored kid next to Bush?"

2. "About those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction -- did you check Baghdad Mini-Storage?"

1. "What kind of job will you and Bush be looking for in January 2005?"


http://www.saveroe.com/whitehouse/
Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.
--Rushmore
Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 04:53 AM | Comments (5)

Comedy Monday

"Last night, President Bush raised $1.5 million in Washington, DC, at a fundraiser. It's all part of his new program, No Cash Left Behind." David Letterman

"Earlier today, President Bush and Senator John Kerry released new political ads that don't attack each other and discuss the issues in an intelligent and accurate manner. ... April Fools!" Conan O'Brien

"Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced this week that after he got elected, he took a voluntary course on sexual harassment. Arnold says the sexual harassment course was a waste of time because quote 'I already know how to do it.'" Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday in California, John Kerry made a speech announcing a plan to control gas prices. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'That's crazy, only Dick Cheney can control gas prices.'" Conan O'Brien

"They say that Saddam is stonewalling, he's refusing to talk, he's not giving out any information. No, wait a minute, that's Condoleezza Rice." David Letterman


Conan's Late Start - Does He Want 11:30? NYTimes:
The most obvious next step is to be host of a show earlier in the evening in the coveted 11:30 period, made famous by Jack Paar and Johnny Carson. At NBC, that job is currently held by Jay Leno, who consistently trounces all competition. Until recently, it was possible for Mr. O'Brien and his team to imagine a time in the not-too-distant future when Jay might step down from his throne, and Conan might step up. But last week, NBC announced it was extending Mr. Leno's contract to the end of the decade. The decision has inescapable implications for Mr. O'Brien's career, as everyone around him knows.

Gavin Polone, Mr. O'Brien's manager and long-time friend, puts it in the plainest terms. "There's just no question that he's going to be on earlier than 12:30," he says. "He's going to 11:30. It's going to happen."

There it is: the late-night star at 12:30 is pondering a move to 11:30 (it's really 12:35 and 11:35, rounded off for convenience). If it sounds at all familiar, it's because we've been here before same time, and yes, same channel. David Letterman starred in the original; after more than a decade as host of the later show, he was blocked from advancing to the main room, the 11:35 show, the franchise, NBC's "Tonight" Show, because NBC decided to give Johnny Carson's chair to a guy its executives believed was a more mainstream and cooperative star.

Now Conan O'Brien is getting set for the remake. And Jay Leno is being cast yet again as the man in possession of the prize. Mr. O'Brien has a little over a year and half left on his NBC deal, which means in only a matter of months he's likely to find himself in the precise position that David Letterman did in 1993: choosing between staying in his comfortable 12:35 home on NBC and chasing that hour-earlier dream on other networks.


I Love March Birthdays. Don't ask me to explain this one.

Crank Yankers: "Hadassah's having a baby in a new episode of this crank calling series. Features Sarah Silverman"

Crank Yankers:"Elmer Calls a Brothel"

Crank Yankers:"Gladys' Slime with Wanda Sykes.


From the Late Show:

Top Ten Questions You're Afraid To Ask Condoleezza Rice


10. "Did Bush ever hurt himself trying to pronounce your name?"

9. "At cabinet meetings, who besides you and Cheney wear lipstick?"

8. "Do you know Leeza Gibbons?"

7. "Do you own a condo?"

6. "Did you ever try the 'Condoleezza Rice' at Chi-Chi's?"

5. "As a souvenir, did you keep any of Saddam's beard lice?"

4. "Hey, where'd you get that cool Halliburton sweatshirt?"

3. "Who told CNN that Letterman faked the footage of the bored kid next to Bush?"

2. "About those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction -- did you check Baghdad Mini-Storage?"

1. "What kind of job will you and Bush be looking for in January 2005?"


http://www.saveroe.com/whitehouse/
Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.
--Rushmore
Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 04:53 AM | Comments (3)

March 29, 2004

Comedy Monday

"At a speech yesterday at the Reagan Library, Dick Cheney says John Kerry doesn't have the judgment to be president. And Cheney's seen firsthand what can happen when a guy doesn't have the judgment to be president." Jay Leno

"Richard Clarke says the White House ignored warnings about al- Qaida before 9/11 and rushed to war in Iraq. In response, the Bush administration revealed to the news media that Clarke's wife works for the CIA." Jake Novak

"Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said there was no conflict of interest in going hunting with his friend Dick Cheney. Some people find this hard to believe. How could Dick Cheney have a friend?" Rob Bates

"Three different women on the show have done that to me now. Flashed me. First there was Drew Barrymore. Of course, Courtney Love. And historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, oddly enough." David Letterman

"The White House announced that it's sending a company of troops to Kosovo. So far we have sent American troops to Afghanistan, Haiti, Iraq and now Kosovo. President Bush says the goal is to send as many soldiers overseas as we have jobs." Jay Leno


Feel the magic of the Virtual Stapler!

Strongbad Email - Flashback!

Fark: Photoshop Bill O'Reilly doing something unlikely


TheOnion.com: Bush Urges Iraqis To Pass Amendment Banning Gay Marriage
BAGHDADIn a private meeting with Mohammed Bahr al-Ulloum, President Bush urged the Iraqi Governing Council president to amend the recently ratified Iraqi constitution to protect the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. "The Iraqi constitution, signed just a few short weeks ago, will usher in a new era of democratic freedom in Iraq," Bush said. "But there are some unlawful and unholy acts that the constitution's original drafters could not have possibly intended to protect." Bush then told al-Ulloum he must act quickly and decisively to preserve his country's most sacred tradition.
Chappelle's Show

Fun at Kneehigh Park! Hey Kids! Welcome to Kneehigh Park! Life's tough when you live in a garbage can and have a syringe lodged in your head.

Don't Ride Your Bike!


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 05:57 AM | Comments (6)

Comedy Monday

"At a speech yesterday at the Reagan Library, Dick Cheney says John Kerry doesn't have the judgment to be president. And Cheney's seen firsthand what can happen when a guy doesn't have the judgment to be president." Jay Leno

"Richard Clarke says the White House ignored warnings about al- Qaida before 9/11 and rushed to war in Iraq. In response, the Bush administration revealed to the news media that Clarke's wife works for the CIA." Jake Novak

"Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said there was no conflict of interest in going hunting with his friend Dick Cheney. Some people find this hard to believe. How could Dick Cheney have a friend?" Rob Bates

"Three different women on the show have done that to me now. Flashed me. First there was Drew Barrymore. Of course, Courtney Love. And historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, oddly enough." David Letterman

"The White House announced that it's sending a company of troops to Kosovo. So far we have sent American troops to Afghanistan, Haiti, Iraq and now Kosovo. President Bush says the goal is to send as many soldiers overseas as we have jobs." Jay Leno


Feel the magic of the Virtual Stapler!

Strongbad Email - Flashback!

Fark: Photoshop Bill O'Reilly doing something unlikely


TheOnion.com: Bush Urges Iraqis To Pass Amendment Banning Gay Marriage
BAGHDADIn a private meeting with Mohammed Bahr al-Ulloum, President Bush urged the Iraqi Governing Council president to amend the recently ratified Iraqi constitution to protect the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. "The Iraqi constitution, signed just a few short weeks ago, will usher in a new era of democratic freedom in Iraq," Bush said. "But there are some unlawful and unholy acts that the constitution's original drafters could not have possibly intended to protect." Bush then told al-Ulloum he must act quickly and decisively to preserve his country's most sacred tradition.
Chappelle's Show

Fun at Kneehigh Park! Hey Kids! Welcome to Kneehigh Park! Life's tough when you live in a garbage can and have a syringe lodged in your head.

Don't Ride Your Bike!


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 05:57 AM | Comments (5)

March 23, 2004

Fox News.com Poll

Gotta love them:

Former Bush counter-terrorism adviser Richard Clarke has written a book critical of the Bush White House's handling of Al Qaeda. What's your reaction?

a. I will not read the book. It does not interest me. (24%)
21,564

b. I reserve judgment on Clarke's criticism until I have read his book. (4%)
3,352

c. I think Clarke is disloyal to the president and a disgrace. (59%)
52,466

d. I think Clarke is a patriot for speaking out. (9%)
7,935

e. None of the above (4%)
3,742

89,059 total votes

Posted by Eric at 07:57 PM | Comments (22)

Fox News.com Poll

Gotta love them:

Former Bush counter-terrorism adviser Richard Clarke has written a book critical of the Bush White House's handling of Al Qaeda. What's your reaction?

a. I will not read the book. It does not interest me. (24%)
21,564

b. I reserve judgment on Clarke's criticism until I have read his book. (4%)
3,352

c. I think Clarke is disloyal to the president and a disgrace. (59%)
52,466

d. I think Clarke is a patriot for speaking out. (9%)
7,935

e. None of the above (4%)
3,742

89,059 total votes

Posted by Eric at 07:57 PM | Comments (11)

March 22, 2004

Smear the Messenger

If you don't like the message, shoot the messenger. That's how politics works, and that's exactly what Jesse Berney over at the DNC blog predicted:

And as we saw with Joseph Wilson and Paul O'Neill, the administration has only one response to truth: smear the messenger. By this time tomorrow, Clarke will be buried under an avalanche of right-wing attacks as the GOP looks to change the story from Bush's credibility to Clarke's.

But the facts remain: this administration ignored the threat of terrorism despite dire warnings before September 11, and then exploited the attacks to pursue an agenda that has not made us or the rest of the world any safer.

And guess what, it's coming true.

Posted by Eric at 04:12 PM | Comments (17)

Smear the Messenger

If you don't like the message, shoot the messenger. That's how politics works, and that's exactly what Jesse Berney over at the DNC blog predicted:

And as we saw with Joseph Wilson and Paul O'Neill, the administration has only one response to truth: smear the messenger. By this time tomorrow, Clarke will be buried under an avalanche of right-wing attacks as the GOP looks to change the story from Bush's credibility to Clarke's.

But the facts remain: this administration ignored the threat of terrorism despite dire warnings before September 11, and then exploited the attacks to pursue an agenda that has not made us or the rest of the world any safer.

And guess what, it's coming true.

Posted by Eric at 04:12 PM | Comments (2)

Comedy Monday

"Have you seen any of President Bush's ads? They are really starting to get vicious. We've finally found an American job Bush is willing to fight for: his own." Jay Leno

"The St. Patrick's Day Parade was held on Fifth Avenue and once again gay groups were not allowed to march. Conservatives said, 'We're sorry, but painting your face green and vomiting on Fifth Avenue is a sacred institution.'" Conan O'Brien

"President Bush has unveiled a new campaign slogan: 'Safer, Stronger, Tested.' I'm confused, are we talking about a re-election or a condom?" Craig Kilborn

"Do you like the March Madness? Here's how it works: First you start out with 65, and then one by one, people are sent home until there's only one left, no, I'm sorry, that's our coalition in Iraq." Jay Leno


The Onion: Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress.

Ask Lynne Cheney


Who's Funnier: The Left or the Right?
The Senator Prank: Joke Letters Sent to US Government.

Some prankster, posing as a ten year old boy, sent requests for jokes to US Senators to find the funniest joke from US Senators. The results:

The results are in, and it's a landslide: America's Funniest Senator is Olympia Snowe!

With an astounding 23% of the vote, the 57-year-old Republican Senator from Maine overwhelmingly defeated the runners-up, Senator John Kerry (D-MA) and Senator Jon Corzine (D-NJ).

Winning the vote for America's Unfunniest Senator was none other than Hillary Clinton (D-NY). While Senator Clinton may have once been the First Lady, Senator Snowe is now the First Lady of Funny, a much higher honor that will also get her 10% off waffles at participating Perkins restaurants.

The Snowe joke.

And John Kerry's joke:

Office of Senator John Kerry
Joke : "We have a new Chaplain in the Senate and a tour came through the other day. They asked him a lot of questions about being Chaplain and one person turned to him and asked: "When you open the Senate with prayer each morning, do you look out at the Senators and pray for them?" The Chaplain didnt lose a beat he said "No, actually I look out at all those Senators and I pray for the country."
And Corzine's joke ...

What did the number 0 say to the number 8? click down for answer and comics ...

Answer: NICE BELT!

Posted by Eric at 05:58 AM | Comments (39)

Comedy Monday

"Have you seen any of President Bush's ads? They are really starting to get vicious. We've finally found an American job Bush is willing to fight for: his own." Jay Leno

"The St. Patrick's Day Parade was held on Fifth Avenue and once again gay groups were not allowed to march. Conservatives said, 'We're sorry, but painting your face green and vomiting on Fifth Avenue is a sacred institution.'" Conan O'Brien

"President Bush has unveiled a new campaign slogan: 'Safer, Stronger, Tested.' I'm confused, are we talking about a re-election or a condom?" Craig Kilborn

"Do you like the March Madness? Here's how it works: First you start out with 65, and then one by one, people are sent home until there's only one left, no, I'm sorry, that's our coalition in Iraq." Jay Leno


The Onion: Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress.

Ask Lynne Cheney


Who's Funnier: The Left or the Right?
The Senator Prank: Joke Letters Sent to US Government.

Some prankster, posing as a ten year old boy, sent requests for jokes to US Senators to find the funniest joke from US Senators. The results:

The results are in, and it's a landslide: America's Funniest Senator is Olympia Snowe!

With an astounding 23% of the vote, the 57-year-old Republican Senator from Maine overwhelmingly defeated the runners-up, Senator John Kerry (D-MA) and Senator Jon Corzine (D-NJ).

Winning the vote for America's Unfunniest Senator was none other than Hillary Clinton (D-NY). While Senator Clinton may have once been the First Lady, Senator Snowe is now the First Lady of Funny, a much higher honor that will also get her 10% off waffles at participating Perkins restaurants.

The Snowe joke.

And John Kerry's joke:

Office of Senator John Kerry
Joke : "We have a new Chaplain in the Senate and a tour came through the other day. They asked him a lot of questions about being Chaplain and one person turned to him and asked: "When you open the Senate with prayer each morning, do you look out at the Senators and pray for them?" The Chaplain didnt lose a beat he said "No, actually I look out at all those Senators and I pray for the country."
And Corzine's joke ...

What did the number 0 say to the number 8? click down for answer and comics ...

Answer: NICE BELT!

Posted by Eric at 05:58 AM | Comments (4)

March 18, 2004

Video Killed the Rummy Star

See Rummy make an ass of himself.

Posted by Eric at 03:24 AM | Comments (48)

Video Killed the Rummy Star

See Rummy make an ass of himself.

Posted by Eric at 03:24 AM | Comments (34)

March 17, 2004

Hamster Picks

Yes sir, you can bet the farm on these good ol' office pool picks:

Click down if you care.

Second round pick:

Kentucky
Washington
Providence
Kansas
Boston College
Georgia Tech
Michigan St.
Gonzaga

St. Joseph's
Charlotte
Manhattan
VCU
Wisconsin
Pittsburgh
Memphis
Oklahoma St.*

Duke
Seton Hall
Illinois
Cincinnati
North Carolina
Texas
Xavier
Mississippi St.

Stanford*
S. Illinois
BYU
Maryland
W. Michigan
NC State
Dayton
Vermont

REGIONALS

Kentucky
Kansas
Boston College
Gonzaga
St. Joseph's
VCU
Wisconsin
Oklahoma St

Duke
Cincinnati
North Carolina
Xavier
Stanford
Maryland
W. Michigan
Dayton

REGIONALS 2

Kentucky
Gonzaga
St. Joseph's
Oklahoma St.

Duke
North Carolina
Stanford
Dayton

SEMIs

Kentucky
St. Joseph's
Duke
Stanford

St. Joseph's 74
Stanford 69

Posted by Eric at 02:36 AM | Comments (14)

Hamster Picks

Yes sir, you can bet the farm on these good ol' office pool picks:

Click down if you care.

Second round pick:

Kentucky
Washington
Providence
Kansas
Boston College
Georgia Tech
Michigan St.
Gonzaga

St. Joseph's
Charlotte
Manhattan
VCU
Wisconsin
Pittsburgh
Memphis
Oklahoma St.*

Duke
Seton Hall
Illinois
Cincinnati
North Carolina
Texas
Xavier
Mississippi St.

Stanford*
S. Illinois
BYU
Maryland
W. Michigan
NC State
Dayton
Vermont

REGIONALS

Kentucky
Kansas
Boston College
Gonzaga
St. Joseph's
VCU
Wisconsin
Oklahoma St

Duke
Cincinnati
North Carolina
Xavier
Stanford
Maryland
W. Michigan
Dayton

REGIONALS 2

Kentucky
Gonzaga
St. Joseph's
Oklahoma St.

Duke
North Carolina
Stanford
Dayton

SEMIs

Kentucky
St. Joseph's
Duke
Stanford

St. Joseph's 74
Stanford 69

Posted by Eric at 02:36 AM | Comments (2)

March 16, 2004

Bush Wants Kerry to Identify Supporters So He Can Invade Them

That's the ticket.

Posted by Eric at 09:49 PM | Comments (223)

Bush Wants Kerry to Identify Supporters So He Can Invade Them

That's the ticket.

Posted by Eric at 09:49 PM | Comments (4)

March Madness Costs Firms 1.5 Billion in Lost Productivity

According to study in article from USA Today:

Filling out a bracket can take hours of studying stats and scouting information. The impact of that pursuit on the workplace is the subject of yearly analysis. A recent study by a job placement consulting firm suggests that while interest in the tournament might cost more than $1.5 billion in lost productivity, an organized office pool might ease that financial blow.

Challenger, Gray & Christmas of Chicago estimated that workers spending 10 minutes a day talking about the tournament during its two-week run cost employers $1,525,500,000. That figure is based on an employee pool of more than 39 million earning an average of $15.56 an hour.

Wonder how much lost productivity Atrios or Daily Kos causes. Or this site.

But yes, I am picking Hawaii to go all the way ... oh wait. :(

Posted by Eric at 07:15 PM | Comments (37)

March Madness Costs Firms 1.5 Billion in Lost Productivity

According to study in article from USA Today:

Filling out a bracket can take hours of studying stats and scouting information. The impact of that pursuit on the workplace is the subject of yearly analysis. A recent study by a job placement consulting firm suggests that while interest in the tournament might cost more than $1.5 billion in lost productivity, an organized office pool might ease that financial blow.

Challenger, Gray & Christmas of Chicago estimated that workers spending 10 minutes a day talking about the tournament during its two-week run cost employers $1,525,500,000. That figure is based on an employee pool of more than 39 million earning an average of $15.56 an hour.

Wonder how much lost productivity Atrios or Daily Kos causes. Or this site.

But yes, I am picking Hawaii to go all the way ... oh wait. :(

Posted by Eric at 07:15 PM | Comments (12)

March 15, 2004

GeorgeWBush.com Takes Down Web Tool

Apparently, it was the subject of too many web pranks:

The tool originally let users generate a full-size campaign poster in PDF format, customized with a short slogan of their choice. But Bush critics began using the site to place their own snarky political messages above a Bush-Cheney '04 logo and a disclaimer stating that the poster was paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc.

The campaign changed the tool Thursday so that users could no longer enter their own messages, but only select from a pull-down list of states and coalition groups. The campaign didn't respond to requests for comment.

Examples of what people could make:
At Cox's request, close to 200 Wonkette readers sent in slogans which they had slipped through the system. Among them: "Run for your lives," "They sure smell like old people," and the Orwellian, "A boot stomping on a human face forever."

Cox also published lists of words the tool was allowing and, perhaps more tellingly, those it was not. Not surprisingly, it rejected the usual four-letter words and sexual lingo, but it also banned more innocuous terms like "stupid," "evil," "terrorists" and "Iraq."

Sahmore slogans here.

Posted by Eric at 06:25 AM | Comments (29)

GeorgeWBush.com Takes Down Web Tool

Apparently, it was the subject of too many web pranks:

The tool originally let users generate a full-size campaign poster in PDF format, customized with a short slogan of their choice. But Bush critics began using the site to place their own snarky political messages above a Bush-Cheney '04 logo and a disclaimer stating that the poster was paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc.

The campaign changed the tool Thursday so that users could no longer enter their own messages, but only select from a pull-down list of states and coalition groups. The campaign didn't respond to requests for comment.

Examples of what people could make:
At Cox's request, close to 200 Wonkette readers sent in slogans which they had slipped through the system. Among them: "Run for your lives," "They sure smell like old people," and the Orwellian, "A boot stomping on a human face forever."

Cox also published lists of words the tool was allowing and, perhaps more tellingly, those it was not. Not surprisingly, it rejected the usual four-letter words and sexual lingo, but it also banned more innocuous terms like "stupid," "evil," "terrorists" and "Iraq."

Sahmore slogans here.

Posted by Eric at 06:25 AM | Comments (1)

Comedy Monday

"DirecTV has filed suit against O.J. Simpson in accusing him of pirating its satellite television signal. In an unrelated story, DirecTV has been stabbed to death." Tina Fey

"Right wing Attorney General John Ashcroft had surgery yesterday to remove his gal bladder. Doctors say the surgery was tough because he refused to take his clothes off." Conan O'Brien

"Bush went on to attack the Democrats' policies. (Bush says) 'Their agenda is to increase federal taxes, to build a wall around this country and to isolate America from the rest of the world.' Hmm. So you're concerned the Democrats might do something that would damage America's standing in the world. Interesting ... that you would think that's still possible." Jon Stewart

"This week, the CIA announced that they've asked 'Alias' star Jennifer Garner to tape a CIA recruitment video, which is fine but they also asked Jerry Orbach to look for Osama bin Laden." Conan O'Brien

"In his latest campaign commercial, President Bush talks about 'times of change.' If he thinks these times are changing, wait till November." Jay Leno


Peter: I'd sell my soul to be famous.
[cut to hell]
Satan: We've got a live one. Peter Griffin.
Assistant: No good, sir. It seems he already sold his soul once in 1977 for Bee Gees tickets and then again in 1983 for half a mallomar.

"Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change." Peter Griffin

"Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man." Peter Griffin

Peter: Wow, is that really the blood of Christ?
Preacher: Yes, it is.
Peter: Holy crap, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day.

--Family Guy


Urban Planner Stuck In Traffic Of Own Design

The Committee to Re-Elect Bush/Cheney in 2004 Proudly Releases First Television Commercial Scripts of the General Presidential Campaign Season.

Down With GOP: Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry cozies up with some snuggly Republicans


TheOnion.com - Republicans Retain Majority In Household
OMAHA, NEIn spite of a vocal Democratic following among the 16-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter demographics, Republicans managed to retain a slim majority in the Sanderson family, front-door exit polls revealed Monday. "Fortunately, strong Republican support among 48-year-old fathers and 46-year-old mothers won over the key swing vote among 6-year-olds named Timmy," speaker of the household Donald Sanderson said. "This, combined with the traditional Republican stronghold among visiting, over-60 grandparents, allowed Republicans to maintain control." The GOP has held the majority in the Sandersons' last 37 Sunday dinners.

Click down for cartoons

Posted by Eric at 12:03 AM | Comments (62)

Comedy Monday

"DirecTV has filed suit against O.J. Simpson in accusing him of pirating its satellite television signal. In an unrelated story, DirecTV has been stabbed to death." Tina Fey

"Right wing Attorney General John Ashcroft had surgery yesterday to remove his gal bladder. Doctors say the surgery was tough because he refused to take his clothes off." Conan O'Brien

"Bush went on to attack the Democrats' policies. (Bush says) 'Their agenda is to increase federal taxes, to build a wall around this country and to isolate America from the rest of the world.' Hmm. So you're concerned the Democrats might do something that would damage America's standing in the world. Interesting ... that you would think that's still possible." Jon Stewart

"This week, the CIA announced that they've asked 'Alias' star Jennifer Garner to tape a CIA recruitment video, which is fine but they also asked Jerry Orbach to look for Osama bin Laden." Conan O'Brien

"In his latest campaign commercial, President Bush talks about 'times of change.' If he thinks these times are changing, wait till November." Jay Leno


Peter: I'd sell my soul to be famous.
[cut to hell]
Satan: We've got a live one. Peter Griffin.
Assistant: No good, sir. It seems he already sold his soul once in 1977 for Bee Gees tickets and then again in 1983 for half a mallomar.

"Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change." Peter Griffin

"Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man." Peter Griffin

Peter: Wow, is that really the blood of Christ?
Preacher: Yes, it is.
Peter: Holy crap, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day.

--Family Guy


Urban Planner Stuck In Traffic Of Own Design

The Committee to Re-Elect Bush/Cheney in 2004 Proudly Releases First Television Commercial Scripts of the General Presidential Campaign Season.

Down With GOP: Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry cozies up with some snuggly Republicans


TheOnion.com - Republicans Retain Majority In Household
OMAHA, NEIn spite of a vocal Democratic following among the 16-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter demographics, Republicans managed to retain a slim majority in the Sanderson family, front-door exit polls revealed Monday. "Fortunately, strong Republican support among 48-year-old fathers and 46-year-old mothers won over the key swing vote among 6-year-olds named Timmy," speaker of the household Donald Sanderson said. "This, combined with the traditional Republican stronghold among visiting, over-60 grandparents, allowed Republicans to maintain control." The GOP has held the majority in the Sandersons' last 37 Sunday dinners.

Click down for cartoons

Posted by Eric at 12:03 AM | Comments (2)

March 14, 2004

Mafia Outsourcing Jobs

AP: Hard-Hit U.S. Mafia Hiring Sicilians

Posted by Eric at 05:51 PM | Comments (42)

Mafia Outsourcing Jobs

AP: Hard-Hit U.S. Mafia Hiring Sicilians

Posted by Eric at 05:51 PM | Comments (2)

March 13, 2004

Say Hi

To new Hamster supporters:

Take Back the Senate: Start a liberal diary and communicate with Sen Dem officials.

Frustration Relief! Get out your political frustration.

SHIFTING BASELINES: Learn more about the important issue of ocean decline and things you can do to help prevent the problem for future generations.

John Barrow: John Barrow is a Democrat running for the Democratic nomination in Georgia's 12th District. Doug Haines is also running for that same Democratic seat.

EDIT: Blogads like the ones on this site were mentioned in this AJC article:

Surf over to Talking Points, Daily KOS, Eschaton or one of the other big Democratic blogs, and you might spot ads inviting you to send money to John Barrow or Doug Haines, rivals in the 12th District primary race to see who gets a shot at Republican Rep. Max Burns ... Barrow said his campaign has made money from the ads, which have been up about a month, but nothing like the amounts raised by Chandler, who was running in a race that had been targeted by both national parties.

Martin Matheny, Haines' communications director, said that their campaign has invested less than $1,000 in blogs and gotten "a significant return" for its effort.

But it's important, Matheny said, to treat those who respond as more than just a check.

"We've gone the extra step," he said, "and actually invited people to join a discussion with us on our campaign blog."

Posted by Eric at 04:34 PM | Comments (30)

Say Hi

To new Hamster supporters:

Take Back the Senate: Start a liberal diary and communicate with Sen Dem officials.

Frustration Relief! Get out your political frustration.

SHIFTING BASELINES: Learn more about the important issue of ocean decline and things you can do to help prevent the problem for future generations.

John Barrow: John Barrow is a Democrat running for the Democratic nomination in Georgia's 12th District. Doug Haines is also running for that same Democratic seat.

EDIT: Blogads like the ones on this site were mentioned in this AJC article:

Surf over to Talking Points, Daily KOS, Eschaton or one of the other big Democratic blogs, and you might spot ads inviting you to send money to John Barrow or Doug Haines, rivals in the 12th District primary race to see who gets a shot at Republican Rep. Max Burns ... Barrow said his campaign has made money from the ads, which have been up about a month, but nothing like the amounts raised by Chandler, who was running in a race that had been targeted by both national parties.

Martin Matheny, Haines' communications director, said that their campaign has invested less than $1,000 in blogs and gotten "a significant return" for its effort.

But it's important, Matheny said, to treat those who respond as more than just a check.

"We've gone the extra step," he said, "and actually invited people to join a discussion with us on our campaign blog."

Posted by Eric at 04:34 PM | Comments (8)

Your Work Computer is Dirtier Than Your Toilet

Not only are you dirrrty, but so is your computer at work, researchers at University of Arizona have concluded:

KEYBOARDS, computer mice and telephone dials are more infested with microbes than toilet seats, according to a University of Arizona study. The study recommends that office workstations be regularly disinfected since they can on average contain 400 times as many germs as a toilet seat, said Charles Gerba, a University of Arizona microbiologist.

According to the study, telephones harboured up to 25,127 germs per square inch, keyboards 3295 and computer mice 1676. The average office contains 20,961 germs per square inch.

"Desks are really bacteria cafeterias," Mr Gerba said in a press release. "They are breakfast bars, lunch tables and everything else, as we spend more hours at the office.

Posted by Eric at 12:01 AM | Comments (35)

Your Work Computer is Dirtier Than Your Toilet

Not only are you dirrrty, but so is your computer at work, researchers at University of Arizona have concluded:

KEYBOARDS, computer mice and telephone dials are more infested with microbes than toilet seats, according to a University of Arizona study. The study recommends that office workstations be regularly disinfected since they can on average contain 400 times as many germs as a toilet seat, said Charles Gerba, a University of Arizona microbiologist.

According to the study, telephones harboured up to 25,127 germs per square inch, keyboards 3295 and computer mice 1676. The average office contains 20,961 germs per square inch.

"Desks are really bacteria cafeterias," Mr Gerba said in a press release. "They are breakfast bars, lunch tables and everything else, as we spend more hours at the office.

Posted by Eric at 12:01 AM | Comments (5)

March 08, 2004

Franken in Iraq

The article in Mother Jones.

Posted by Eric at 12:30 PM | Comments (28)

Franken in Iraq

The article in Mother Jones.

Posted by Eric at 12:30 PM | Comments (5)

Comedy Monday

"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News." Craig Kilborn

"After all the voting on Tuesday, President Bush called John Kerry to congratulate him. I'm not sure what they talked about, but I think we can rule out swapping war stories." Jay Leno

"The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds kind of like his stint in the National Guard." David Letterman

"President Bush recently watched a private screening of "The Passion of the Christ. He was so inspired that he said he will include subtitles in his next speech." Craig Kilborn


The Onion. Bush To Make Up Missed National Guard Service This Weekend.

The Onion. Jesus Demands Creative Control Over Next Movie.

scrappleface. Stewart Dumps Stock Just Before Guilty Verdicts.

National Lampoon. Jesus Christ, Substandard Employee.

WhiteHouse.org. Transcript of President Bush's Phone Call Offering Super Tuesday Congratulations to Presumptive Democratic Nominee Senator Lurch Dukakis.


King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
---Monty Python

The Three Little Pigs Buy the White House. From the publishers:

In the fine tradition of scorched earth, take no prisoners political satire, The Three Little Pigs Buy the White House pokes fun at a certain trio of Republican politicians who are living high on the hog.

Watch out: these little pigs have no problem replacing brick with straw when it comes to your nation's security.

And don't be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, that is, if . . . uh . . . we can find him.

Written and illustrated by celebrated Bizarro cartoonist, Dan Piraro, The Three Little Pigs Buy the White House is the perfect mockery of politics as grimy as bacon grease.


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:01 AM | Comments (6)

Comedy Monday

"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News." Craig Kilborn

"After all the voting on Tuesday, President Bush called John Kerry to congratulate him. I'm not sure what they talked about, but I think we can rule out swapping war stories." Jay Leno

"The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds kind of like his stint in the National Guard." David Letterman

"President Bush recently watched a private screening of "The Passion of the Christ. He was so inspired that he said he will include subtitles in his next speech." Craig Kilborn


The Onion. Bush To Make Up Missed National Guard Service This Weekend.

The Onion. Jesus Demands Creative Control Over Next Movie.

scrappleface. Stewart Dumps Stock Just Before Guilty Verdicts.

National Lampoon. Jesus Christ, Substandard Employee.

WhiteHouse.org. Transcript of President Bush's Phone Call Offering Super Tuesday Congratulations to Presumptive Democratic Nominee Senator Lurch Dukakis.


King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
---Monty Python

The Three Little Pigs Buy the White House. From the publishers:

In the fine tradition of scorched earth, take no prisoners political satire, The Three Little Pigs Buy the White House pokes fun at a certain trio of Republican politicians who are living high on the hog.

Watch out: these little pigs have no problem replacing brick with straw when it comes to your nation's security.

And don't be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, that is, if . . . uh . . . we can find him.

Written and illustrated by celebrated Bizarro cartoonist, Dan Piraro, The Three Little Pigs Buy the White House is the perfect mockery of politics as grimy as bacon grease.


Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:01 AM | Comments (3)

March 05, 2004

Bill Gates: Buy Stamps for Emails?

Sounds pretty silly, but the idea from the guy who owns both Park Place and Boardwalk is this:

Many Internet analysts worry, though, that turning e-mail into an economic commodity would undermine its value in democratizing communication. But let's start with the math: At perhaps a penny or less per item, e-mail postage wouldn't significantly dent the pocketbooks of people who send only a few messages a day. Not so for spammers who mail millions at a time.

Though postage proposals have been in limited discussion for years -- a team at Microsoft Research has been at it since 2001 -- Gates gave the idea a lift in January at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. Details came last week as part of Microsoft's anti-spam strategy. Instead of paying a penny, the sender would "buy" postage by devoting maybe 10 seconds of computing time to solving a math puzzle. The exercise would merely serve as proof of the sender's good faith.

Time is money, and spammers would presumably have to buy many more machines to solve enough puzzles. The open-source software Hashcash, available since about 1997, takes a similar approach and has been incorporated into other spam-fighting tools including Camram and Spam Assassin.

People are also suggesting that the 'importance' of the recipient set the stamp price of the email, e.g.: "A college student might accept e-mail with a one-cent stamp; a busy chief executive might demand a dollar."

Still, one wonders how much Microsoft would stand to benefit from any such proposal .

Posted by Eric at 03:06 PM | Comments (54)

Bill Gates: Buy Stamps for Emails?

Sounds pretty silly, but the idea from the guy who owns both Park Place and Boardwalk is this:

Many Internet analysts worry, though, that turning e-mail into an economic commodity would undermine its value in democratizing communication. But let's start with the math: At perhaps a penny or less per item, e-mail postage wouldn't significantly dent the pocketbooks of people who send only a few messages a day. Not so for spammers who mail millions at a time.

Though postage proposals have been in limited discussion for years -- a team at Microsoft Research has been at it since 2001 -- Gates gave the idea a lift in January at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. Details came last week as part of Microsoft's anti-spam strategy. Instead of paying a penny, the sender would "buy" postage by devoting maybe 10 seconds of computing time to solving a math puzzle. The exercise would merely serve as proof of the sender's good faith.

Time is money, and spammers would presumably have to buy many more machines to solve enough puzzles. The open-source software Hashcash, available since about 1997, takes a similar approach and has been incorporated into other spam-fighting tools including Camram and Spam Assassin.

People are also suggesting that the 'importance' of the recipient set the stamp price of the email, e.g.: "A college student might accept e-mail with a one-cent stamp; a busy chief executive might demand a dollar."

Still, one wonders how much Microsoft would stand to benefit from any such proposal .

Posted by Eric at 03:06 PM | Comments (7)

March 03, 2004

Elton John To Wed

Says Bush decision helped push his marriage to partner David Furnish, reports the NY Daily News. He said he will do it in England under a possible civil unions law:

"I was on the fence about it for a while," the Rocket Man said. "I've been married before [he wed Renate Blauel in Australia in 1984]. I thought, why would I want to get married again?"

That more traditional marriage ended when the pop legend divorced her in '88.

Elton added that it was President Bush's proposed constitutional amendment outlawing gay marriage that was the final push down the aisle he needed.

"I'm totally for it," Elton told us. "In this day and age, if people who want to make a life commitment can't have protection, then we live in a pretty sick world."

Since he's a British citizen, Elton says, he and the Canadian-born Furnish want to get married in England. They are waiting for a current Parliamentary measure on civil unions to come into law.

"We're definitely going to do it when it gets passed," he says. "I would like to commit myself to David. I already have in my mind anyway."

EDIT: Apparently Elton does NOT have plans to wed. From the AP:
Don't start shopping for a wedding gift for Elton John just yet. The singer said that while he supports same-sex marriage, reports are untrue that he plans to wed his longtime partner, David Furnish.

"David and I are in favor of gay marriage but have no plans to get married," John said in a statement Wednesday.

His comments come less than a week after Rosie O'Donnell and her longtime girlfriend, Kelli Carpenter, became the most high-profile gay couple to marry in San Francisco. They're among the thousands of same-sex couples who've tied the knot there in the past month.

Posted by Eric at 08:29 AM | Comments (10)

Elton John To Wed

Says Bush decision helped push his marriage to partner David Furnish, reports the NY Daily News. He said he will do it in England under a possible civil unions law:

"I was on the fence about it for a while," the Rocket Man said. "I've been married before [he wed Renate Blauel in Australia in 1984]. I thought, why would I want to get married again?"

That more traditional marriage ended when the pop legend divorced her in '88.

Elton added that it was President Bush's proposed constitutional amendment outlawing gay marriage that was the final push down the aisle he needed.

"I'm totally for it," Elton told us. "In this day and age, if people who want to make a life commitment can't have protection, then we live in a pretty sick world."

Since he's a British citizen, Elton says, he and the Canadian-born Furnish want to get married in England. They are waiting for a current Parliamentary measure on civil unions to come into law.

"We're definitely going to do it when it gets passed," he says. "I would like to commit myself to David. I already have in my mind anyway."

EDIT: Apparently Elton does NOT have plans to wed. From the AP:
Don't start shopping for a wedding gift for Elton John just yet. The singer said that while he supports same-sex marriage, reports are untrue that he plans to wed his longtime partner, David Furnish.

"David and I are in favor of gay marriage but have no plans to get married," John said in a statement Wednesday.

His comments come less than a week after Rosie O'Donnell and her longtime girlfriend, Kelli Carpenter, became the most high-profile gay couple to marry in San Francisco. They're among the thousands of same-sex couples who've tied the knot there in the past month.

Posted by Eric at 08:29 AM | Comments (1)

March 01, 2004

Comedy Monday

"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully sincePresident Bush." David Letterman

"Some see the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others see it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President Dick Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding." Jon Stewart

"Consumer activist Ralph Nader announced he would run for president. When he heard about it, Dennis Kucinich was furious and said, He's going to steal my voter away." Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's longtime dog, Spot, died. Yeah, it's a shame. It's really sad because Spot won't live to see a second Bush term, but then, who will?" David Letterman

"President Bush's dog Spot passed away, so they took Spot back to the ranch in Texas, and buried him next to, I believe, 10,000 Al Gore ballots." David Letterman

"Things were so different then. You know how different it was? Bush was president, the economy was tanking and we'd just finished a war with Iraq." Billy Crystal, recalling his first hosting stint 13 years ago.


WANDERING BEAR: There's an old Indian saying: "What goes around comes around."

DAVID: That's Indian? Really? I always thought that was, you know, American.

WANDERING BEAR: Could be. Maybe it's German. --Curb Your Enthusiasm


Watch Conan's apology to Canada.

Watch Chappelle's Show clips.


"The Daily Show's" Stephen Colbert always gets the hard assignments (opens external player).

See Jon Stewart's interview with Howard Dean (opens external player).


The Onion. Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry.

The Onion. Bush To Cut Deficit From Federal Budget.

Kerry Extern by Daniel Oppenheimer

WhiteHouse.org. Clarence Thomas, United States Supreme Court Justice, Answers Your Questions on "Ask the White House" .


Alternate Endings for 'The Passion of Christ'
Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:03 AM | Comments (146)

Comedy Monday

"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully sincePresident Bush." David Letterman

"Some see the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others see it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President Dick Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding." Jon Stewart

"Consumer activist Ralph Nader announced he would run for president. When he heard about it, Dennis Kucinich was furious and said, He's going to steal my voter away." Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's longtime dog, Spot, died. Yeah, it's a shame. It's really sad because Spot won't live to see a second Bush term, but then, who will?" David Letterman

"President Bush's dog Spot passed away, so they took Spot back to the ranch in Texas, and buried him next to, I believe, 10,000 Al Gore ballots." David Letterman

"Things were so different then. You know how different it was? Bush was president, the economy was tanking and we'd just finished a war with Iraq." Billy Crystal, recalling his first hosting stint 13 years ago.


WANDERING BEAR: There's an old Indian saying: "What goes around comes around."

DAVID: That's Indian? Really? I always thought that was, you know, American.

WANDERING BEAR: Could be. Maybe it's German. --Curb Your Enthusiasm


Watch Conan's apology to Canada.

Watch Chappelle's Show clips.


"The Daily Show's" Stephen Colbert always gets the hard assignments (opens external player).

See Jon Stewart's interview with Howard Dean (opens external player).


The Onion. Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry.

The Onion. Bush To Cut Deficit From Federal Budget.

Kerry Extern by Daniel Oppenheimer

WhiteHouse.org. Clarence Thomas, United States Supreme Court Justice, Answers Your Questions on "Ask the White House" .


Alternate Endings for 'The Passion of Christ'
Click down for comics

Posted by Eric at 12:03 AM | Comments (11)

February 27, 2004

New Book Friday

Perhaps one of the better, and more recent anti-Bush books out there is "Fraud: The Strategy Behind the Bush Lies and Why the Media Didn't Tell You."

cover

From Publisher's Weekly

Building on tenets laid out in The Press Effect, which he coauthored with Kathleen Hall Jamieson, Waldman deconstructs Bush's image as plainspoken, compassionate Dubya and accuses the media of failing to properly scrutinize the values of his presidency. Bush's inarticulateness misleads a gullible public into perceiving the president as a "real," ordinary American, Waldman argues, contending that Bush's administration actually serves a business elite rather than the average American. Meticulously combing through footnoted sources, Waldman carves an alternative portrait of a privileged and ruthless Bush who was gleeful over executions as Texas's governor, guilty of Enron-style business practices and contemptuous of the protective role of government. American journalists, in Waldman's view, are either muzzled or lack the policy expertise and research strengths to expose Bush effectively; as a result, the public is woefully confused. Waldman goes on to demythologize the so-called liberal bias of the media, comparing journalists' past persecution of Clinton with the relative mildness of present-day critiques of Bush. In his breakdown of Bush's tax policies and of the Republican Party's dominance by ultraconservative Southerners, Waldman is particularly strident. An assembly of sources and facts and a useful guide to right-wing rhetoric makes this handbook of anti-Bush ammunition-complete with an appendix that provides a "Guide to Key Lies and Misdirections-useful to partisans along with other Bush critiques by David Corn, Eric Alterman and Mark Green.
While there have been many anti-Bush books, "The President of Good and Evil" takes a look at Bush from an 'ethicist' point of view. The New Yorker says of Peter Singer: "May be the most controversial philosopher alive; he is certainly the most influential." The book description:
From provocative ethicist and author Peter Singer, whose books have sold more than 700,000 copies: a chilling expos of George W. Bushs moral failure on dozens of hot-button issues.

More than any president in recent memory, George W. Bush invokes the language of good versus evil and right versus wrong. Controversial professor of ethics Peter Singer has put his spotlight on President Bushs moral claims. The results are required reading.

Examining public pronouncements that have rarely been subjected to ethical analysis, on topics from stem-cell research and tax cuts to Iraq and the drive for American preeminence, The President of Good and Evil reveals the presidents pattern of ethical confusion and self-contradiction. Delivering his charges in accessible, logical, and lively chapters, Singer asks whether Bush has lived up to the values so often touted in current presidential prose.

The President of Good and Evil follows in the bestselling traditions of Stupid White Men and Lies . Singer has never shied away from controversy, and now enters the most visible arena of his life, with powerful arguments that throw new light on America under Bush.

Greg Palast says of the book, "Peter Singer has ripped the sanctimonious, preachy bark off George W. Bush and exposed it for what it is: greed posing as 'ethics,' duplicity posing as morality, and confused bellicosity as a 'war against evil.' Bravo for Singer."

cover

The President of Good and Evil: The Ethics of George W. Bush

Posted by Eric at 03:42 AM | Comments (38)

New Book Friday

Perhaps one of the better, and more recent anti-Bush books out there is "Fraud: The Strategy Behind the Bush Lies and Why the Media Didn't Tell You."

cover

From Publisher's Weekly

Building on tenets laid out in The Press Effect, which he coauthored with Kathleen Hall Jamieson, Waldman deconstructs Bush's image as plainspoken, compassionate Dubya and accuses the media of failing to properly scrutinize the values of his presidency. Bush's inarticulateness misleads a gullible public into perceiving the president as a "real," ordinary American, Waldman argues, contending that Bush's administration actually serves a business elite rather than the average American. Meticulously combing through footnoted sources, Waldman carves an alternative portrait of a privileged and ruthless Bush who was gleeful over executions as Texas's governor, guilty of Enron-style business practices and contemptuous of the protective role of government. American journalists, in Waldman's view, are either muzzled or lack the policy expertise and research strengths to expose Bush effectively; as a result, the public is woefully confused. Waldman goes on to demythologize the so-called liberal bias of the media, comparing journalists' past persecution of Clinton with the relative mildness of present-day critiques of Bush. In his breakdown of Bush's tax policies and of the Republican Party's dominance by ultraconservative Southerners, Waldman is particularly strident. An assembly of sources and facts and a useful guide to right-wing rhetoric makes this handbook of anti-Bush ammunition-complete with an appendix that provides a "Guide to Key Lies and Misdirections-useful to partisans along with other Bush critiques by David Corn, Eric Alterman and Mark Green.
While there have been many anti-Bush books, "The President of Good and Evil" takes a look at Bush from an 'ethicist' point of view. The New Yorker says of Peter Singer: "May be the most controversial philosopher alive; he is certainly the most influential." The book description:
From provocative ethicist and author Peter Singer, whose books have sold more than 700,000 copies: a chilling expos of George W. Bushs moral failure on dozens of hot-button issues.

More than any president in recent memory, George W. Bush invokes the language of good versus evil and right versus wrong. Controversial professor of ethics Peter Singer has put his spotlight on President Bushs moral claims. The results are required reading.

Examining public pronouncements that have rarely been subjected to ethical analysis, on topics from stem-cell research and tax cuts to Iraq and the drive for American preeminence, The President of Good and Evil reveals the presidents pattern of ethical confusion and self-contradiction. Delivering his charges in accessible, logical, and lively chapters, Singer asks whether Bush has lived up to the values so often touted in current presidential prose.

The President of Good and Evil follows in the bestselling traditions of Stupid White Men and Lies . Singer has never shied away from controversy, and now enters the most visible arena of his life, with powerful arguments that throw new light on America under Bush.

Greg Palast says of the book, "Peter Singer has ripped the sanctimonious, preachy bark off George W. Bush and exposed it for what it is: greed posing as 'ethics,' duplicity posing as morality, and confused bellicosity as a 'war against evil.' Bravo for Singer."

cover

The President of Good and Evil: The Ethics of George W. Bush

Posted by Eric at 03:42 AM | Comments (30)

Church Displays 'Jews Killed Lord Jesus' Sign

From TheDenverChannel.com,

The Colorado Council of Churches also tried to get Pastor Maurice Gordon to change the sign but he refused and wouldn't even answer the phone or answer the door, 7NEWS reported.

Rev. Jim Ryan, a spokesman for the council, was quick to point out that it is a small minority who feel this way about Jews and that most Christians don't share that sentiment. Although the "Jews Killed the Lord Jesus" line comes from First Thessalonians, second chapter, verses 14 and 15, many Christian scholars interpret that passage to mean that when Paul refers to the Jews, he is referring to certain Jews who opposed Jesus' teachings and does not mean all Jews.

"It is ironic that a church named 'Lovingway' would advance such an attitude of hurtfulness," Ryan said. "Christ gave his life for all people. To blame a particular group of people, then or now, is a misuse of the Gospel of love and grace. The Colorado Council of Churches wishes to make it clear that this one congregation does not speak for the vast majority of the Christian community. In fact, we stand in direct opposition to the message on this sign and its implications."

"We also call upon the leaders of other Christian groups in Denver to reaffirm the statements they have made: that all of mankind shares responsibility for Jesus' death, and that blame should not be placed collectively on the Jews of the time or the Jews of today," DeBoskey said. "We fervently hope that Jews and Christians can use this time as an opportunity for dialogue and learning, not blame and divisiveness."

Posted by Eric at 02:28 AM | Comments (13)

Church Displays 'Jews Killed Lord Jesus' Sign

From TheDenverChannel.com,

The Colorado Council of Churches also tried to get Pastor Maurice Gordon to change the sign but he refused and wouldn't even answer the phone or answer the door, 7NEWS reported.

Rev. Jim Ryan, a spokesman for the council, was quick to point out that it is a small minority who feel this way about Jews and that most Christians don't share that sentiment. Although the "Jews Killed the Lord Jesus" line comes from First Thessalonians, second chapter, verses 14 and 15, many Christian scholars interpret that passage to mean that when Paul refers to the Jews, he is referring to certain Jews who opposed Jesus' teachings and does not mean all Jews.

"It is ironic that a church named 'Lovingway' would advance such an attitude of hurtfulness," Ryan said. "Christ gave his life for all people. To blame a particular group of people, then or now, is a misuse of the Gospel of love and grace. The Colorado Council of Churches wishes to make it clear that this one congregation does not speak for the vast majority of the Christian community. In fact, we stand in direct opposition to the message on this sign and its implications."

"We also call upon the leaders of other Christian groups in Denver to reaffirm the statements they have made: that all of mankind shares responsibility for Jesus' death, and that blame should not be placed collectively on the Jews of the time or the Jews of today," DeBoskey said. "We fervently hope that Jews and Christians can use this time as an opportunity for dialogue and learning, not blame and divisiveness."

Posted by Eric at 02:28 AM | Comments (4)

February 26, 2004

Allegations at Interior

Who knew life at the Interior Department could be so interesting. Reliable Sources:

The Interior Department's inspector general, recently in the news for exposing security lapses at the Washington Monument, is investigating allegations that construction workers and private security guards engaged in sex while on the job at the agency's downtown headquarters, officials tell us. "It's contract security folks who were allegedly offering some form of services to the construction workers," a department source said yesterday, confirming that two unidentified guards were fired recently. Another government official, who would not be named, said Interior IG Earl Devaney is investigating a federal employee who allegedly served as a "pimp."

Kelly Grems, spokeswoman for Omniplex World Services, which provides more than 100 security guards at Interior, where renovations are underway, said the two were sacked after a "thorough investigation" by the company found "neglect of duty" and "violation of company policy, attendance related." She added: "There was no investigation for anything related to prostitution." Said Mark Pfeifle, an Interior spokesman: "We've just become aware that the inspector general is looking into the allegations," and referred us to Devaney, who would neither confirm nor deny the probe.

But he did say: "If I ever write a book about my experiences at Interior, no one would believe it was nonfiction."

Posted by Eric at 08:53 AM | Comments (2)

Allegations at Interior

Who knew life at the Interior Department could be so interesting. Reliable Sources:

The Interior Department's inspector general, recently in the news for exposing security lapses at the Washington Monument, is investigating allegations that construction workers and private security guards engaged in sex while on the job at the agency's downtown headquarters, officials tell us. "It's contract security folks who were allegedly offering some form of services to the construction workers," a department source said yesterday, confirming that two unidentified guards were fired recently. Another government official, who would not be named, said Interior IG Earl Devaney is investigating a federal employee who allegedly served as a "pimp."

Kelly Grems, spokeswoman for Omniplex World Services, which provides more than 100 security guards at Interior, where renovations are underway, said the two were sacked after a "thorough investigation" by the company found "neglect of duty" and "violation of company policy, attendance related." She added: "There was no investigation for anything related to prostitution." Said Mark Pfeifle, an Interior spokesman: "We've just become aware that the inspector general is looking into the allegations," and referred us to Devaney, who would neither confirm nor deny the probe.

But he did say: "If I ever write a book about my experiences at Interior, no one would believe it was nonfiction."

Posted by Eric at 08:53 AM | Comments (2)

Urban Outfitters Criticized for New Old Shirts

Hip clothing store Urban Outfitters, an emo alty clothing outlet for young whipper snappers, is receiving criticism for this shirt:

Russell Simmons:

"Voting Is for Old People," reads the long-sleeved T-shirt.

Simmons, the music and Phat Farm clothing mogul who founded the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, retorted:

"Maybe Phat Farm should make a T-shirt that reads, 'Shopping at Urban Outfitters Is for Old People.'

"When you think about the fact that young people are at risk to fight the wars, that young people are shortchanged by education, yet no politician is responsive to them because they think that young people are less likely to vote, you realize how important it is that they should," Simmons said.

In the past few months, the Hip-Hop Summit, whose concerns include public education, voter education and economic development, registered 25,000 students to vote in Texas during the Super Bowl, 60,000 in Los Angeles, and 80,000 in Philadelphia - headquarters of Urban Outfitters.

"Every major hip-hop artist has supported our initiative," Simmons told us from the MAGIC fashion retailers' convention in Las Vegas. "Beyonc, Jay-Z, Alicia Keyes, Puffy, Eminem, Will Smith, LL Cool J, Erykah Badu. We've got 30 volunteers registering people outside this convention center right now," he added, crediting the African-American Voter Registration Project, the NAACP and the Urban League "for getting the work done on the ground."

Posted by Eric at 08:41 AM | Comments (10)

Urban Outfitters Criticized for New Old Shirts

Hip clothing store Urban Outfitters, an emo alty clothing outlet for young whipper snappers, is receiving criticism for this shirt:

Russell Simmons:

"Voting Is for Old People," reads the long-sleeved T-shirt.

Simmons, the music and Phat Farm clothing mogul who founded the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, retorted:

"Maybe Phat Farm should make a T-shirt that reads, 'Shopping at Urban Outfitters Is for Old People.'

"When you think about the fact that young people are at risk to fight the wars, that young people are shortchanged by education, yet no politician is responsive to them because they think that young people are less likely to vote, you realize how important it is that they should," Simmons said.

In the past few months, the Hip-Hop Summit, whose concerns include public education, voter education and economic development, registered 25,000 students to vote in Texas during the Super Bowl, 60,000 in Los Angeles, and 80,000 in Philadelphia - headquarters of Urban Outfitters.

"Every major hip-hop artist has supported our initiative," Simmons told us from the MAGIC fashion retailers' convention in Las Vegas. "Beyonc, Jay-Z, Alicia Keyes, Puffy, Eminem, Will Smith, LL Cool J, Erykah Badu. We've got 30 volunteers registering people outside this convention center right now," he added, crediting the African-American Voter Registration Project, the NAACP and the Urban League "for getting the work done on the ground."

Posted by Eric at 08:41 AM | Comments (1)

February 23, 2004

Comedy Monday

"There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office." David Letterman

"President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs." Jay Leno

"This week, Georgia's board of education approved the plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'Evolution' when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses'." Jimmy Fallon

"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there." Craig Kilborn

"Over the weekend, President Bush attended the Daytona 500, how many folks enjoyed watching the Daytona 500? But President Bush left before the race was over, you know, like his National Guard duty." David Letterman

"It's a great night, and I'll tell you why the entire balcony here in the Ed Sullivan theater is full of guys who swear they were in the National Guard with George Bush." David Letterman


Howard Dean, My Pen Pal. From NationalLampoon.com

Osama Bin Finally Found! From the Onion

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced Tuesday that Osama bin Laden, prime suspect in the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, has "at long last been found."

"For more than two years, we combed the Middle East looking for bin Laden," Rumsfeld said. "Frankly, it was starting to be an embarrassment. You can imagine our surprise when we finally found him hiding deep inside the darkest recesses of each and every one of our souls."

Since toppling the Taliban regime in 2001, U.S. forces in Afghanistan had searched for bin Laden primarily along the rugged Afghan-Pakistani border, but overlooked that place inside every one of us that has ever raised his voice in anger or turned away from someone in need.

"We were so busy tracking the remaining members of the Taliban regime and freezing al-Qaeda assets that we missed what was right in front of us all along," Rumsfeld said. "Osama bin Laden wasn't hidden in a cave in the mountainous Pakistani province of Waziristan or huddled in the back of a Chitral meat-market stall. He was lurking in the blackness within us all, right there with the laziness and the jealousy."

"It just goes to show that sometimes it's easier to look for the man in the FBI dossier than it is to look at the man in the mirror," Rumsfeld added.

Dishonest Dubya Lying Action Figure.

Bush Says Economic Program Will Create 2.6 Jobs, Not 2.6 Million


Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY RODENTS.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
-Caddyshack
Going to Kenya?


Click down for cartoons

Posted by Eric at 12:06 AM | Comments (50)

Comedy Monday

"There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office." David Letterman

"President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs." Jay Leno

"This week, Georgia's board of education approved the plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'Evolution' when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses'." Jimmy Fallon

"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there." Craig Kilborn

"Over the weekend, President Bush attended the Daytona 500, how many folks enjoyed watching the Daytona 500? But President Bush left before the race was over, you know, like his National Guard duty." David Letterman

"It's a great night, and I'll tell you why the entire balcony here in the Ed Sullivan theater is full of guys who swear they were in the National Guard with George Bush." David Letterman


Howard Dean, My Pen Pal. From NationalLampoon.com

Osama Bin Finally Found! From the Onion

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced Tuesday that Osama bin Laden, prime suspect in the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, has "at long last been found."

"For more than two years, we combed the Middle East looking for bin Laden," Rumsfeld said. "Frankly, it was starting to be an embarrassment. You can imagine our surprise when we finally found him hiding deep inside the darkest recesses of each and every one of our souls."

Since toppling the Taliban regime in 2001, U.S. forces in Afghanistan had searched for bin Laden primarily along the rugged Afghan-Pakistani border, but overlooked that place inside every one of us that has ever raised his voice in anger or turned away from someone in need.

"We were so busy tracking the remaining members of the Taliban regime and freezing al-Qaeda assets that we missed what was right in front of us all along," Rumsfeld said. "Osama bin Laden wasn't hidden in a cave in the mountainous Pakistani province of Waziristan or huddled in the back of a Chitral meat-market stall. He was lurking in the blackness within us all, right there with the laziness and the jealousy."

"It just goes to show that sometimes it's easier to look for the man in the FBI dossier than it is to look at the man in the mirror," Rumsfeld added.

Dishonest Dubya Lying Action Figure.

Bush Says Economic Program Will Create 2.6 Jobs, Not 2.6 Million


Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY RODENTS.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
-Caddyshack
Going to Kenya?


Click down for cartoons

Posted by Eric at 12:06 AM | Comments (20)

February 16, 2004

Comedy Monday

"Something's wrong when the only person fired because of terrorism is me." Bill Maher on the lack of a White House apology about WMD.

"Cartoon character Cathy finally got engaged to her boyfriend in todays Valentine edition of her strip. Meanwhile, Marcie and Peppermint Patty are moving to Massachusetts." Tina Fey

"I was watching TV last night. I saw an interesting documentary on the Ninja, the Japanese soldier. According to legend the Ninjas were warriors who could make themselves invisible whenever there was a war. Kind of like Bush and the National Guard." Jay Leno

"The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None." Jon Stewart

"The congressional hearings began today into the Janet Jackson's half-time Super Bowl scandal. It's interesting to me, they won't look into Iraq, they're not looking into Enron. But by god, Janet Jackson's bra, they're looking into that." David Letterman

"On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?'" Jay Leno


Some Dork Brought In To Address Civics Class. From TheOnion:
GILLETTE, WYAccording to Westwood High School sources, some dork from city hall or the mayor's office or something came in to address Richard Prugh's fifth- and seventh-hour civics classes Monday.

"Mr. Prugh told us some city-council guy was going to be coming in to talk to us about government-type garbage," junior Jon Kriesel said. "The guy was a complete and total dork. I knew it the minute I saw him."

The dork, who introduced himself as Mr. Kepler and wrote his name on the board in girlish cursive letters, spent 25 minutes droning on about the revitalization of downtown Gillette.

"I thought for a second it might be cool, like maybe the city was going to build a mall, and he could tell us what stores would be in it," Tiffany Haus said. "But instead, he talked the whole time about a theater for plays and modern dance and stuff. Awesome. The only thing dorkier than theater is dance."

Kepler paired totally dorky behavior with an even dorkier appearance.


The Crank Yankers game.
William Hung: De Facto American Idol

Maybe not, but the nice guy rejected from Fox's "American Idol" is sorta finishing on top. Maybe.

The Berkeley junior has become as big as the gold backpack he hauls to his civil engineering classes. When he's not studying, the 21-year-old signs autographs, fields online love queries and grapples with whether he is a performer or a clown.

Hung -- who is ambitious, sincere and achingly naive -- doesn't want to be a clown. He wants to be a pop star.

"I see this as a learning experience of how to succeed if I was to become an American pop star someday," Hung, pausing to choose his words carefully, said over coffee this week in San Francisco's Japantown, where he was returning a rented CD.

Hung said he knows he has a lot of work to do as a vocalist. His spirited, Chinese-accented rendition of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" was aired Jan. 27 by producers who clearly coveted Hung's entertainment value -- not his pipes ... Meanwhile, Hung said he has been invited to perform at events from a Philadelphia 76ers basketball game to the MTV Asia Awards in Singapore, and he has appeared on several television shows.

On Monday night, Hung performed at an open mike at the Clark Kerr dormitories where he used to live and work in the dining commons. This time he was greeted by more than 400 students armed with cameras and camcorders.

"It's the pop-culture fad right now. And its Berkeley's own," said sophomore Alex Bollfrass in explaining his attendance.

"You have to respect his genuineness," said fifth-year student Whitney Brechwald. "He tries so hard."

However ...
But freshman Mike Lieberman was uncomfortable with the energy in the crowd. "He's out there performing, but everybody else sees him as a comedy act. He doesn't know that. It seems wrong."
Still, Hung will sing on.
Unbowed by Cowell's criticism, Hung -- who lives alone in a residential hotel in downtown Berkeley -- has only become more serious about his singing career. He is reading Cowell's book, "I Don't Mean to Be Rude, But ..." as well as "Singing for Dummies," and has joined a singing class and a Chinese choir.

"I hope I've shown everyone in the world that regardless of success or failure, just keep trying. Never give up," Hung said. "Because only then can you say to yourself that you tried your best and had no regrets."

Sing well Hung! Also see http://www.williamhung.net/. I'll be voting for the Hawaiian American Idols.
Defusing AWOLgate: Ten Ethically Spotless Witnesses Corroborate Details of President Bush's Story of How Honorably He Evaded Vietnam.
An Insolent Puppet Roils Canadian Politics.
But the seemingly harmless if crass remarks of a puppet created a blaze of protests on the floor of the House of Commons and became fodder for national politicians seeking to win Qubcois votes. Canada is in the midst of the biggest political scandal in more than a generation, but the foul-mouthed puppet was still front-page news and heavily covered on national television.

Eli: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me. --Royal Tenenbaums
Click down for comics.

Posted by Eric at 12:39 AM | Comments (15)

Comedy Monday

"Something's wrong when the only person fired because of terrorism is me." Bill Maher on the lack of a White House apology about WMD.

"Cartoon character Cathy finally got engaged to her boyfriend in todays Valentine edition of her strip. Meanwhile, Marcie and Peppermint Patty are moving to Massachusetts." Tina Fey

"I was watching TV last night. I saw an interesting documentary on the Ninja, the Japanese soldier. According to legend the Ninjas were warriors who could make themselves invisible whenever there was a war. Kind of like Bush and the National Guard." Jay Leno

"The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None." Jon Stewart

"The congressional hearings began today into the Janet Jackson's half-time Super Bowl scandal. It's interesting to me, they won't look into Iraq, they're not looking into Enron. But by god, Janet Jackson's bra, they're looking into that." David Letterman

"On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?'" Jay Leno


Some Dork Brought In To Address Civics Class. From TheOnion:
GILLETTE, WYAccording to Westwood High School sources, some dork from city hall or the mayor's office or something came in to address Richard Prugh's fifth- and seventh-hour civics classes Monday.

"Mr. Prugh told us some city-council guy was going to be coming in to talk to us about government-type garbage," junior Jon Kriesel said. "The guy was a complete and total dork. I knew it the minute I saw him."

The dork, who introduced himself as Mr. Kepler and wrote his name on the board in girlish cursive letters, spent 25 minutes droning on about the revitalization of downtown Gillette.

"I thought for a second it might be cool, like maybe the city was going to build a mall, and he could tell us what stores would be in it," Tiffany Haus said. "But instead, he talked the whole time about a theater for plays and modern dance and stuff. Awesome. The only thing dorkier than theater is dance."

Kepler paired totally dorky behavior with an even dorkier appearance.


The Crank Yankers game.
William Hung: De Facto American Idol

Maybe not, but the nice guy rejected from Fox's "American Idol" is sorta finishing on top. Maybe.

The Berkeley junior has become as big as the gold backpack he hauls to his civil engineering classes. When he's not studying, the 21-year-old signs autographs, fields online love queries and grapples with whether he is a performer or a clown.

Hung -- who is ambitious, sincere and achingly naive -- doesn't want to be a clown. He wants to be a pop star.

"I see this as a learning experience of how to succeed if I was to become an American pop star someday," Hung, pausing to choose his words carefully, said over coffee this week in San Francisco's Japantown, where he was returning a rented CD.

Hung said he knows he has a lot of work to do as a vocalist. His spirited, Chinese-accented rendition of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" was aired Jan. 27 by producers who clearly coveted Hung's entertainment value -- not his pipes ... Meanwhile, Hung said he has been invited to perform at events from a Philadelphia 76ers basketball game to the MTV Asia Awards in Singapore, and he has appeared on several television shows.

On Monday night, Hung performed at an open mike at the Clark Kerr dormitories where he used to live and work in the dining commons. This time he was greeted by more than 400 students armed with cameras and camcorders.

"It's the pop-culture fad right now. And its Berkeley's own," said sophomore Alex Bollfrass in explaining his attendance.

"You have to respect his genuineness," said fifth-year student Whitney Brechwald. "He tries so hard."

However ...
But freshman Mike Lieberman was uncomfortable with the energy in the crowd. "He's out there performing, but everybody else sees him as a comedy act. He doesn't know that. It seems wrong."
Still, Hung will sing on.
Unbowed by Cowell's criticism, Hung -- who lives alone in a residential hotel in downtown Berkeley -- has only become more serious about his singing career. He is reading Cowell's book, "I Don't Mean to Be Rude, But ..." as well as "Singing for Dummies," and has joined a singing class and a Chinese choir.

"I hope I've shown everyone in the world that regardless of success or failure, just keep trying. Never give up," Hung said. "Because only then can you say to yourself that you tried your best and had no regrets."

Sing well Hung! Also see http://www.williamhung.net/. I'll be voting for the Hawaiian American Idols.
Defusing AWOLgate: Ten Ethically Spotless Witnesses Corroborate Details of President Bush's Story of How Honorably He Evaded Vietnam.
An Insolent Puppet Roils Canadian Politics.
But the seemingly harmless if crass remarks of a puppet created a blaze of protests on the floor of the House of Commons and became fodder for national politicians seeking to win Qubcois votes. Canada is in the midst of the biggest political scandal in more than a generation, but the foul-mouthed puppet was still front-page news and heavily covered on national television.

Eli: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me. --Royal Tenenbaums
Click down for comics.

Posted by Eric at 12:39 AM | Comments (8)

February 09, 2004

Comedy Monday

Singing Hamsters ... I think.


Real story, and something to make unpublished college professors weep even more in their small offices: Paris Hilton has been signed for a Simon & Schuster book contract.
"Never drink Diet Coke," she counsels. "Diet Coke is for fat people."

"Only sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets with a 400 to 600 thread count."

"Always pack more than you need three times as much - then don't wear any of it and buy all new stuff."

"Don't be too easy. Too easy and a guy knows he has you."

But really, how can you go wrong with this?
"Sometimes I'll request vegetarian meals on planes and they won't be there. That is so annoying," she writes.

"John Kerry won 5 of the 7 contests a number of political analysts say the nomination is Kerry's to lose and today Dean said 'I'll show you how to do it.'" Jay Leno

"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him." Conan O'Brien

"The toxic chemical ricin was discovered in the U.S. Capitol this week. Even more bad news it's beating Dennis Kucinich in the polls." Craig Kilborn

"Because of poor results at the primaries last night, Senator Joe Lieberman will be dropping out of the race. Earlier today, he broke the news to his supporter." David Letterman

"Yesterday on MSNBC, televangelist Pat Robertson said the reason Democrats are still competitive in national elections, is that, and this is his quote, "African Americans don't cotton to the idea of voting for Republicans. Maybe thats because Republicans like Pat Robertson keep using 'cotton' as a verb!" Jay Leno

"Monday was Groundhog Day. Janet Jacksons breast popped out of its hole, saw its shadow, and now well have six more weeks of overreaction." Jimmy Fallon

"Justin Timberlake is reportedly upset with Janet Jackson over the Superbowl Half-Time incident, saying that he was told her breast would never be in full view. But is it really so shocking that a member of the Jackson family member took advantage of a nave young boy?" Jimmy Fallon

"It was a disappointing primary season for [Joe] Lieberman, but on the plus side, his campaign was long, quiet, and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday." Tina Fey

"FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing It Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay and some are straight. The show was originally called, The Tina Fey College Experience."

Also see FallonFey.com.


From Maddox: Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina
This guy is the epitome of narcissism, and coming from a guy whose website is titled "The Best Page in the Universe," that's saying a lot. If I had to describe Bill O'Reilly in a phrase, it would be "sock-sniffer." You know the kind of guy who comes home from a long day of work, his feet have been sweating all day, his socks are ripe with the pungent aroma of stale milk and wet leather, and after he finally sits down and takes his socks off, but just before he throws them in the hamper, he takes a quick sniff to sample his odors.

O'Reilly wouldn't be such a bad guy if he would quit crying for a few minutes, step back, re-evaluate his life, and realize that he's a giant blubbering vagina. In June of 2003, O'Reilly attacked the only form of media he was powerless in: the Internet. In his "Talking Points Memo" segment, he whined that "nearly everyday, there's something written on the Internet about me that's flat out untrue," continuing with his theory that "the reason these net people get away with all kinds of stuff is that they work for no one. They put stuff up with no restraints. This, of course, is dangerous..." Yeah, real dangerous Bill. Next thing you know, people will get the crazy idea that they have the right to express their opinions as they see fit. Who knows? Maybe this idea will catch on and they'll add it to the Constitution of the United States, giving it a catchy title like "freedom of speech." What do you think of that you sock-sniffing bog trotter?


Sad ... Democrats Somehow Lose Primaries
"While it's true that the Democratic Party has been struggling to find a strong voice, you can imagine our surprise when results indicated that John Kerry, Howard Dean, Wesley Clark, Joe Lieberman, and John Edwards all failed to carry a single primary," American Research Group political analyst Dick Bennett said late Tuesday. "Oh, and Al Sharpton and Dennis Kucinich, too."

Primaries were held in Delaware, Missouri, Arizona, Oklahoma, and South Carolina, with no single Democratic candidate coming in higher than second place.

Experts are still unsure exactly how Kerry, whom many considered the frontrunner after strong showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, lost to, and along with, every other Democratic candidate.

"Given our standing going into Tuesday, we were surprised not to take at least one state," Kerry campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill said. "But, in all honesty, we were a hell of a lot more baffled that none of the other Democratic candidates won, either."

Aggregate results from the five states, with all districts reporting, show Kerry leading the other candidates, but at a distant second.


Join the school of Famous Pundits School in Westport, Conn

Talk Show Notes:

Bill Maher, Kilborn, Wed, 2/11
John Edwards, Jay Leno, Friday, 2/13
Bill O'Reilly, Leno, Wed, 2/18
Walter Cronkite, Conan, Friday, 2/20



Click down for comics ...

Posted by Eric at 01:49 AM | Comments (139)

Comedy Monday

Singing Hamsters ... I think.


Real story, and something to make unpublished college professors weep even more in their small offices: Paris Hilton has been signed for a Simon & Schuster book contract.
"Never drink Diet Coke," she counsels. "Diet Coke is for fat people."

"Only sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets with a 400 to 600 thread count."

"Always pack more than you need three times as much - then don't wear any of it and buy all new stuff."

"Don't be too easy. Too easy and a guy knows he has you."

But really, how can you go wrong with this?
"Sometimes I'll request vegetarian meals on planes and they won't be there. That is so annoying," she writes.

"John Kerry won 5 of the 7 contests a number of political analysts say the nomination is Kerry's to lose and today Dean said 'I'll show you how to do it.'" Jay Leno

"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him." Conan O'Brien

"The toxic chemical ricin was discovered in the U.S. Capitol this week. Even more bad news it's beating Dennis Kucinich in the polls." Craig Kilborn

"Because of poor results at the primaries last night, Senator Joe Lieberman will be dropping out of the race. Earlier today, he broke the news to his supporter." David Letterman

"Yesterday on MSNBC, televangelist Pat Robertson said the reason Democrats are still competitive in national elections, is that, and this is his quote, "African Americans don't cotton to the idea of voting for Republicans. Maybe thats because Republicans like Pat Robertson keep using 'cotton' as a verb!" Jay Leno

"Monday was Groundhog Day. Janet Jacksons breast popped out of its hole, saw its shadow, and now well have six more weeks of overreaction." Jimmy Fallon

"Justin Timberlake is reportedly upset with Janet Jackson over the Superbowl Half-Time incident, saying that he was told her breast would never be in full view. But is it really so shocking that a member of the Jackson family member took advantage of a nave young boy?" Jimmy Fallon

"It was a disappointing primary season for [Joe] Lieberman, but on the plus side, his campaign was long, quiet, and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday." Tina Fey

"FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing It Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay and some are straight. The show was originally called, The Tina Fey College Experience."

Also see FallonFey.com.


From Maddox: Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina
This guy is the epitome of narcissism, and coming from a guy whose website is titled "The Best Page in the Universe," that's saying a lot. If I had to describe Bill O'Reilly in a phrase, it would be "sock-sniffer." You know the kind of guy who comes home from a long day of work, his feet have been sweating all day, his socks are ripe with the pungent aroma of stale milk and wet leather, and after he finally sits down and takes his socks off, but just before he throws them in the hamper, he takes a quick sniff to sample his odors.

O'Reilly wouldn't be such a bad guy if he would quit crying for a few minutes, step back, re-evaluate his life, and realize that he's a giant blubbering vagina. In June of 2003, O'Reilly attacked the only form of media he was powerless in: the Internet. In his "Talking Points Memo" segment, he whined that "nearly everyday, there's something written on the Internet about me that's flat out untrue," continuing with his theory that "the reason these net people get away with all kinds of stuff is that they work for no one. They put stuff up with no restraints. This, of course, is dangerous..." Yeah, real dangerous Bill. Next thing you know, people will get the crazy idea that they have the right to express their opinions as they see fit. Who knows? Maybe this idea will catch on and they'll add it to the Constitution of the United States, giving it a catchy title like "freedom of speech." What do you think of that you sock-sniffing bog trotter?


Sad ... Democrats Somehow Lose Primaries
"While it's true that the Democratic Party has been struggling to find a strong voice, you can imagine our surprise when results indicated that John Kerry, Howard Dean, Wesley Clark, Joe Lieberman, and John Edwards all failed to carry a single primary," American Research Group political analyst Dick Bennett said late Tuesday. "Oh, and Al Sharpton and Dennis Kucinich, too."

Primaries were held in Delaware, Missouri, Arizona, Oklahoma, and South Carolina, with no single Democratic candidate coming in higher than second place.

Experts are still unsure exactly how Kerry, whom many considered the frontrunner after strong showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, lost to, and along with, every other Democratic candidate.

"Given our standing going into Tuesday, we were surprised not to take at least one state," Kerry campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill said. "But, in all honesty, we were a hell of a lot more baffled that none of the other Democratic candidates won, either."

Aggregate results from the five states, with all districts reporting, show Kerry leading the other candidates, but at a distant second.


Join the school of Famous Pundits School in Westport, Conn

Talk Show Notes:

Bill Maher, Kilborn, Wed, 2/11
John Edwards, Jay Leno, Friday, 2/13
Bill O'Reilly, Leno, Wed, 2/18
Walter Cronkite, Conan, Friday, 2/20



Click down for comics ...

Posted by Eric at 01:49 AM | Comments (2)

February 02, 2004

A Sad Hamster Xmas

How come no one bought me this for Xmas?

Posted by Eric at 08:05 PM | Comments (5)

A Sad Hamster Xmas

How come no one bought me this for Xmas?

Posted by Eric at 08:05 PM | Comments (1)

Comedy Monday

"Elsewhere in New Hampshire, Senator Joe Lieberman withered today and remained optimistic till the end. ... He then snapped, 'Shut up Hadassah, you're ruining my Joe-mentum.'" Jon Stewart

"According to a poll on Playboy.com, 46 percent of men surveyed think Al Sharpton is the most well-endowed candidate, while 24 percent feel John Edwards is. Let me tell you something right here, if you're a guy and you're on the Playboy website and all you're thinking about is how well endowed the candidates are, you're on the wrong website." Jay Leno

"Actress Demi Moore turned 40 on Tuesday, but she feels like a 25-year-old inside." Tina Fey

"In a Veteran's Day speech this Tuesday, President Bush vowed, "we will finish the mission we have begun, period." Afterwards he was advised in the future he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks." Jimmy Fallon


View the worst of American Idol.
Well, the conservatives had fun with their Clinton jokes during the 8 years Clinton ran the White House, so why not have fun with the creators of WhiteHouse.org and the Bush White House?

From the book:

Presidential Nicnkames of Note:

Laura Bush: "Pickles"
Jeb Bush: "Gator"
Dick Cheney: "Mr. Cheney, sir"
Wesley Clark: "General Leslie Skidmark"
Bill Clinton: "Fat Chick Fucker"
Hillary Clinton: "Senator Carpetbaggermuncher"
Tom Daschle: "Asshole"
Howard Dean: "Jughead"
Tom DeLay: "Roach Motel"
Barney Frank: "Fruit Loop"
John Kerry: "Lurch"
Ralph Nader: "Jackpot"



Bush 2004 Campaign
Pledges To Restore Honor And Dignity To White House
Mad Kane interviews Dick Cheney.

Continue down for comics ...

Posted by Eric at 12:04 AM | Comments (133)

Comedy Monday

"Elsewhere in New Hampshire, Senator Joe Lieberman withered today and remained optimistic till the end. ... He then snapped, 'Shut up Hadassah, you're ruining my Joe-mentum.'" Jon Stewart

"According to a poll on Playboy.com, 46 percent of men surveyed think Al Sharpton is the most well-endowed candidate, while 24 percent feel John Edwards is. Let me tell you something right here, if you're a guy and you're on the Playboy website and all you're thinking about is how well endowed the candidates are, you're on the wrong website." Jay Leno

"Actress Demi Moore turned 40 on Tuesday, but she feels like a 25-year-old inside." Tina Fey

"In a Veteran's Day speech this Tuesday, President Bush vowed, "we will finish the mission we have begun, period." Afterwards he was advised in the future he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks." Jimmy Fallon


View the worst of American Idol.
Well, the conservatives had fun with their Clinton jokes during the 8 years Clinton ran the White House, so why not have fun with the creators of WhiteHouse.org and the Bush White House?

From the book:

Presidential Nicnkames of Note:

Laura Bush: "Pickles"
Jeb Bush: "Gator"
Dick Cheney: "Mr. Cheney, sir"
Wesley Clark: "General Leslie Skidmark"
Bill Clinton: "Fat Chick Fucker"
Hillary Clinton: "Senator Carpetbaggermuncher"
Tom Daschle: "Asshole"
Howard Dean: "Jughead"
Tom DeLay: "Roach Motel"
Barney Frank: "Fruit Loop"
John Kerry: "Lurch"
Ralph Nader: "Jackpot"



Bush 2004 Campaign
Pledges To Restore Honor And Dignity To White House
Mad Kane interviews Dick Cheney.

Continue down for comics ...

Posted by Eric at 12:04 AM | Comments (0)

February 01, 2004

Stupid Moments in Business, 2003

101 reasons to say, 'Oh, the silliness in the business world.' ...


19 He was never a big fan of business class.
As American Airlines teeters on the brink of bankruptcy in April, CEO Donald Carty goes to the unions, hat in hand, begging $1.8 billion in wage concessions from its 110,000 workers. Yet even as he's preaching his stirring, we're-all-in-this-together line, the company quietly files an SEC report outlining a luscious, salary-tripling bonus scheme and a bankruptcy-proof, $41 million pension plan for its top 45 executives. "It's the equivalent of an obscene gesture from management," says union leader John Ward. Salvaging the labor deal and likely staving off Chapter 11 in the process, AA's board kills the bonuses, and Carty resigns in disgrace.

24 Larry Ellison really wanted the job, but in the end the choice was obvious.
In August, McDonald's promotes mascot Ronald McDonald to the post of "chief happiness officer."

40 That's OK. We hear the computer science department sucks anyway.
In February, Cornell University sends out an e-mail to incoming freshmen that begins, "Greetings from Cornell, your future alma mater!" The message is sent to all 1,700 students who applied for early decision, including the 550 who've been rejected.

Posted by Eric at 03:58 PM | Comments (8)

Stupid Moments in Business, 2003

101 reasons to say, 'Oh, the silliness in the business world.' ...


19 He was never a big fan of business class.
As American Airlines teeters on the brink of bankruptcy in April, CEO Donald Carty goes to the unions, hat in hand, begging $1.8 billion in wage concessions from its 110,000 workers. Yet even as he's preaching his stirring, we're-all-in-this-together line, the company quietly files an SEC report outlining a luscious, salary-tripling bonus scheme and a bankruptcy-proof, $41 million pension plan for its top 45 executives. "It's the equivalent of an obscene gesture from management," says union leader John Ward. Salvaging the labor deal and likely staving off Chapter 11 in the process, AA's board kills the bonuses, and Carty resigns in disgrace.

24 Larry Ellison really wanted the job, but in the end the choice was obvious.
In August, McDonald's promotes mascot Ronald McDonald to the post of "chief happiness officer."

40 That's OK. We hear the computer science department sucks anyway.
In February, Cornell University sends out an e-mail to incoming freshmen that begins, "Greetings from Cornell, your future alma mater!" The message is sent to all 1,700 students who applied for early decision, including the 550 who've been rejected.

Posted by Eric at 03:58 PM | Comments (1)

February 00, 2004

Comedy Monday

"John Kerry won 5 of the 7 contests a number of political analysts say the nomination is Kerry's to lose and today Dean said 'I'll show you how to do it.'" Jay Leno

"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him." Conan O'Brien

"During his trip, Wolfowitz took a positive view of the peril he put the troops in, noting 'The more successful we are, the more we can expect them to go after those things that represent success.' Does this guy know how to motivate the troops or what? Apparently the best way to measure our accomplishments is to witness the destruction of our accomplishments." Jon Stewart, on Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz's recent trip to Iraq

"The toxic chemical ricin was discovered in the U.S. Capitol this week. Even more bad news it's beating Dennis Kucinich in the polls." Craig Kilborn

"Because of poor results at the primaries last night, Senator Joe Lieberman will be dropping out of the race. Earlier today, he broke the news to his supporter." David Letterman

"Monday was Groundhog Day. Janet Jacksons breast popped out of its hole, saw its shadow, and now well have six more weeks of overreaction." Tina Fey

"Justin Timberlake is reportedly upset with Janet Jackson over the Superbowl Half-Time incident, saying that he was told her breast would never be in full view. But is it really so shocking that a member of the Jackson family member took advantage of a nave young boy?" Jimmy Fallon

"It was a disappointing primary season for [Joe] Lieberman, but on the plus side, his campaign was long, quiet, and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday." Tina Fey

"FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing It Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay and some are straight. The show was originally called, The Tina Fey College Experience." Tina Fey

Aslo see: FallonFey.com


Want a Job in Punditry?

From the Hartford Courant:

Here at the Famous Pundits School in Westport, Conn., we offer a comprehensive program leading to an advanced degree - doctor of mundane letters - in political punditry.

Listen to what some of our graduates have to say:

"Before enrolling at the Famous Pundits School, I had no outlet for the hate and venom that consumed me. Now I am able to spew to a national audience." Ann Coulter.


From Maddox: "Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina"
This guy is the epitome of narcissism, and coming from a guy whose website is titled "The Best Page in the Universe," that's saying a lot. If I had to describe Bill O'Reilly in a phrase, it would be "sock-sniffer." You know the kind of guy who comes home from a long day of work, his feet have been sweating all day, his socks are ripe with the pungent aroma of stale milk and wet leather, and after he finally sits down and takes his socks off, but just before he throws them in the hamper, he takes a quick sniff to sample his odors.

O'Reilly wouldn't be such a bad guy if he would quit crying for a few minutes, step back, re-evaluate his life, and realize that he's a giant blubbering vagina. In June of 2003, O'Reilly attacked the only form of media he was powerless in: the Internet. In his "Talking Points Memo" segment, he whined that "nearly everyday, there's something written on the Internet about me that's flat out untrue," continuing with his theory that "the reason these net people get away with all kinds of stuff is that they work for no one. They put stuff up with no restraints. This, of course, is dangerous..." Yeah, real dangerous Bill. Next thing you know, people will get the crazy idea that they have the right to express their opinions as they see fit. Who knows? Maybe this idea will catch on and they'll add it to the Constitution of the United States, giving it a catchy title like "freedom of speech." What do you think of that you sock-sniffing bog trotter?


Sad ... Democrats Somehow Lose Primaries

In a surprising last-minute upset, all seven Democratic presidential hopefuls somehow lost the Democratic primaries Tuesday.

"While it's true that the Democratic Party has been struggling to find a strong voice, you can imagine our surprise when results indicated that John Kerry, Howard Dean, Wesley Clark, Joe Lieberman, and John Edwards all failed to carry a single primary," American Research Group political analyst Dick Bennett said late Tuesday. "Oh, and Al Sharpton and Dennis Kucinich, too."

Primaries were held in Delaware, Missouri, Arizona, Oklahoma, and South Carolina, with no single Democratic candidate coming in higher than second place.

Experts are still unsure exactly how Kerry, whom many considered the frontrunner after strong showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, lost to, and along with, every other Democratic candidate.

"Given our standing going into Tuesday, we were surprised not to take at least one state," Kerry campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill said. "But, in all honesty, we were a hell of a lot more baffled that none of the other Democratic candidates won, either."

Click down for comics...

Posted by Eric at 12:07 AM | Comments (277)

Comedy Monday

"John Kerry won 5 of the 7 contests a number of political analysts say the nomination is Kerry's to lose and today Dean said 'I'll show you how to do it.'" Jay Leno

"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him." Conan O'Brien

"During his trip, Wolfowitz took a positive view of the peril he put the troops in, noting 'The more successful we are, the more we can expect them to go after those things that represent success.' Does this guy know how to motivate the troops or what? Apparently the best way to measure our accomplishments is to witness the destruction of our accomplishments." Jon Stewart, on Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz's recent trip to Iraq

"The toxic chemical ricin was discovered in the U.S. Capitol this week. Even more bad news it's beating Dennis Kucinich in the polls." Craig Kilborn

"Because of poor results at the primaries last night, Senator Joe Lieberman will be dropping out of the race. Earlier today, he broke the news to his supporter." David Letterman

"Monday was Groundhog Day. Janet Jacksons breast popped out of its hole, saw its shadow, and now well have six more weeks of overreaction." Tina Fey

"Justin Timberlake is reportedly upset with Janet Jackson over the Superbowl Half-Time incident, saying that he was told her breast would never be in full view. But is it really so shocking that a member of the Jackson family member took advantage of a nave young boy?" Jimmy Fallon

"It was a disappointing primary season for [Joe] Lieberman, but on the plus side, his campaign was long, quiet, and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday." Tina Fey

"FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing It Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay and some are straight. The show was originally called, The Tina Fey College Experience." Tina Fey

Aslo see: FallonFey.com


Want a Job in Punditry?

From the Hartford Courant:

Here at the Famous Pundits School in Westport, Conn., we offer a comprehensive program leading to an advanced degree - doctor of mundane letters - in political punditry.

Listen to what some of our graduates have to say:

"Before enrolling at the Famous Pundits School, I had no outlet for the hate and venom that consumed me. Now I am able to spew to a national audience." Ann Coulter.


From Maddox: "Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina"
This guy is the epitome of narcissism, and coming from a guy whose website is titled "The Best Page in the Universe," that's saying a lot. If I had to describe Bill O'Reilly in a phrase, it would be "sock-sniffer." You know the kind of guy who comes home from a long day of work, his feet have been sweating all day, his socks are ripe with the pungent aroma of stale milk and wet leather, and after he finally sits down and takes his socks off, but just before he throws them in the hamper, he takes a quick sniff to sample his odors.

O'Reilly wouldn't be such a bad guy if he would quit crying for a few minutes, step back, re-evaluate his life, and realize that he's a giant blubbering vagina. In June of 2003, O'Reilly attacked the only form of media he was powerless in: the Internet. In his "Talking Points Memo" segment, he whined that "nearly everyday, there's something written on the Internet about me that's flat out untrue," continuing with his theory that "the reason these net people get away with all kinds of stuff is that they work for no one. They put stuff up with no restraints. This, of course, is dangerous..." Yeah, real dangerous Bill. Next thing you know, people will get the crazy idea that they have the right to express their opinions as they see fit. Who knows? Maybe this idea will catch on and they'll add it to the Constitution of the United States, giving it a catchy title like "freedom of speech." What do you think of that you sock-sniffing bog trotter?


Sad ... Democrats Somehow Lose Primaries

In a surprising last-minute upset, all seven Democratic presidential hopefuls somehow lost the Democratic primaries Tuesday.

"While it's true that the Democratic Party has been struggling to find a strong voice, you can imagine our surprise when results indicated that John Kerry, Howard Dean, Wesley Clark, Joe Lieberman, and John Edwards all failed to carry a single primary," American Research Group political analyst Dick Bennett said late Tuesday. "Oh, and Al Sharpton and Dennis Kucinich, too."

Primaries were held in Delaware, Missouri, Arizona, Oklahoma, and South Carolina, with no single Democratic candidate coming in higher than second place.

Experts are still unsure exactly how Kerry, whom many considered the frontrunner after strong showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, lost to, and along with, every other Democratic candidate.

"Given our standing going into Tuesday, we were surprised not to take at least one state," Kerry campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill said. "But, in all honesty, we were a hell of a lot more baffled that none of the other Democratic candidates won, either."

Click down for comics...

Posted by Eric at 12:07 AM | Comments (5)

January 31, 2004

NY Times Bestseller

For week of Feb 8, 2004.

1) Price of Loyalty.
2) American Dynasty.
3) Prison without Bars, Pete Rose.
4) Dude, Where's My Country.
5) Lies ... Franken.
7) Enemy Within, Michael Savage

12) Bill O'Reilly
14) Had Enough? Carville
16) Tour of Duty, John Kerry book, Douglas Brinkley

Also selling, Zell Miller (17), Robert E. Rubin and Jacob Weisberg (20), David Frum and Richard Perle (23), Albright (25), and Molly Ivins (34).

Posted by Eric at 01:13 PM | Comments (7)

NY Times Bestseller

For week of Feb 8, 2004.

1) Price of Loyalty.
2) American Dynasty.
3) Prison without Bars, Pete Rose.
4) Dude, Where's My Country.
5) Lies ... Franken.
7) Enemy Within, Michael Savage

12) Bill O'Reilly
14) Had Enough? Carville
16) Tour of Duty, John Kerry book, Douglas Brinkley

Also selling, Zell Miller (17), Robert E. Rubin and Jacob Weisberg (20), David Frum and Richard Perle (23), Albright (25), and Molly Ivins (34).

Posted by Eric at 01:13 PM | Comments (2)

January 28, 2004

Franken Assaulting People?

If you've been reading what's been written in the conservative press lately, you may have been hearing a lot about Al Franken and an incident with a Lyndon LaRouche supporter. However, there is more to the story than what the NY Post and Newsmax.com have been selectively reporting. This is what I wrote on AlFrankenWeb.com.

Jan 27. Smear. The Fox-owned NY Post and conservative magazines have launched a smear campaign against Al Franken by taking one incident out of context. Here, we are given the image of an unstable Al Franken attacking a poor man without warrant. In the NY Post, no description of the heckler is mentioned except that he was "shouting accusations." Newsmax portrays the heckler as the victim. Sounds bad, doesn't it? Al Franken just attacking innocent hecklers. Indeed, the way the story is framed in the conservative papers makes Franken sound bad. However, both of the conservative papers took the incident completely out of context. Indeed, they failed to mention some important parts of the story:

Point #1: The Heckler First Attacked People. According to Palace Theatre's manager, the heckler attacked the security guards and the theater manager:

Two members of Dean's security team immediately moved in on the man, who shoved and elbowed them, Ramsey said.


"He was screaming. He was out of control," Ramsey said.


Ramsey said he went over to help calm the situation and also got elbowed and pushed.

Point #2: Out of Control Attacker Then Presented Danger to Dean and Crowd. So what else did the heckler do that the conservative media did not report? He posed a potential danger to Howard Dean who, since he is a presidential candidate, is always subject to risk.
The protester had clambered over two or three people and had perched himself on the balcony railing.


"I thought he was going to jump. He was screaming at Dean. I was scared for a minute that he was going to jump on the stage and attack Dean," Ramsey said.


One New Hampshire voter sitting in the balcony said the heckler "kind of barreled through like a Patriots fullback."


"The way he moved, I thought he was going to jump or something," Wendy Branch of Northwood said. "Even if he didn't intend to jump, he was setting himself up for a fall. It was a little alarming."

Point #3: Franken Subdued the Attacker Only After He was Attacked. Al Franken was with the security guards trying to help get the heckler out of the room. However, it was only after the heckler physically attacked Franken and broke his glasses that Franken resorted to a wrestling move intended to subdue the attacker:

Ramsey said a news photographer later told him Franken reacted to being elbowed by the protester, who knocked his glasses off.
Indeed, while the Post used loaded language - "'body-slammed" - the reality is Franken subdued a man who had already assaulted two security guards. Indeed, this is why the theater manager said:
I never met Al Franken before. He is now my new hero
Summary: Why did such a potentially scandalous story have so few details in the NY Post and Newsmax? Why were the New York Post and Newsmax.com slim on details of the protestor and his actions? The answer is that presenting the full and real story would detract from the ambiguous and negative picture presented of Franken, as you saw in points 1-3 ...


The conservative media will continue to spin this in the way they see fit: Nut-case Franken assaulted an innocent man without warrant. Put Franken in jail! However, as a complete account from people there showed, the conservative media left out crucial details of an affair in which Al helped security guards stop an angry assaulter who attacked others and further presented a danger to the people around him.


EDIT: Also posted, an interview with the theater manager, who said "Franken reacted to being struck pretty violently."

Posted by Eric at 08:36 AM | Comments (123)

Franken Assaulting People?

If you've been reading what's been written in the conservative press lately, you may have been hearing a lot about Al Franken and an incident with a Lyndon LaRouche supporter. However, there is more to the story than what the NY Post and Newsmax.com have been selectively reporting. This is what I wrote on AlFrankenWeb.com.

Jan 27. Smear. The Fox-owned NY Post and conservative magazines have launched a smear campaign against Al Franken by taking one incident out of context. Here, we are given the image of an unstable Al Franken attacking a poor man without warrant. In the NY Post, no description of the heckler is mentioned except that he was "shouting accusations." Newsmax portrays the heckler as the victim. Sounds bad, doesn't it? Al Franken just attacking innocent hecklers. Indeed, the way the story is framed in the conservative papers makes Franken sound bad. However, both of the conservative papers took the incident completely out of context. Indeed, they failed to mention some important parts of the story:

Point #1: The Heckler First Attacked People. According to Palace Theatre's manager, the heckler attacked the security guards and the theater manager:

Two members of Dean's security team immediately moved in on the man, who shoved and elbowed them, Ramsey said.


"He was screaming. He was out of control," Ramsey said.


Ramsey said he went over to help calm the situation and also got elbowed and pushed.

Point #2: Out of Control Attacker Then Presented Danger to Dean and Crowd. So what else did the heckler do that the conservative media did not report? He posed a potential danger to Howard Dean who, since he is a presidential candidate, is always subject to risk.
The protester had clambered over two or three people and had perched himself on the balcony railing.


"I thought he was going to jump. He was screaming at Dean. I was scared for a minute that he was going to jump on the stage and attack Dean," Ramsey said.


One New Hampshire voter sitting in the balcony said the heckler "kind of barreled through like a Patriots fullback."


"The way he moved, I thought he was going to jump or something," Wendy Branch of Northwood said. "Even if he didn't intend to jump, he was setting himself up for a fall. It was a little alarming."

Point #3: Franken Subdued the Attacker Only After He was Attacked. Al Franken was with the security guards trying to help get the heckler out of the room. However, it was only after the heckler physically attacked Franken and broke his glasses that Franken resorted to a wrestling move intended to subdue the attacker:

Ramsey said a news photographer later told him Franken reacted to being elbowed by the protester, who knocked his glasses off.
Indeed, while the Post used loaded language - "'body-slammed" - the reality is Franken subdued a man who had already assaulted two security guards. Indeed, this is why the theater manager said:
I never met Al Franken before. He is now my new hero
Summary: Why did such a potentially scandalous story have so few details in the NY Post and Newsmax? Why were the New York Post and Newsmax.com slim on details of the protestor and his actions? The answer is that presenting the full and real story would detract from the ambiguous and negative picture presented of Franken, as you saw in points 1-3 ...


The conservative media will continue to spin this in the way they see fit: Nut-case Franken assaulted an innocent man without warrant. Put Franken in jail! However, as a complete account from people there showed, the conservative media left out crucial details of an affair in which Al helped security guards stop an angry assaulter who attacked others and further presented a danger to the people around him.


EDIT: Also posted, an interview with the theater manager, who said "Franken reacted to being struck pretty violently."

Posted by Eric at 08:36 AM | Comments (73)

January 27, 2004

Email Worms

Let me tell you the tale of the time that I woke up and I found 900 new email messages in my account. Oh my, I thought, is Ann Coulter stalking me again? Alas no, there's a new worm spreading.

Posted by Eric at 11:49 AM | Comments (36)

Email Worms

Let me tell you the tale of the time that I woke up and I found 900 new email messages in my account. Oh my, I thought, is Ann Coulter stalking me again? Alas no, there's a new worm spreading.

Posted by Eric at 11:49 AM | Comments (6)

Babes For / Against Bush

Hmm ...

On the "for" side:

And on the 'against' side:

Hmmm ... the choice would seem obvious. But wait! What is this about the 'for' calendar?

George W. Bush has his sexy groupies doing something even Bill Clinton's harem wouldn't: taking it off in public to raise, um, support for their guy. "We thought it would be fun," says BabesForBush.com calendar girl Karen Henry. "It's also to show our serious support for him." But she says her group's tasteful 2004 calendar--it even includes well-dressed men, ugh--isn't just a rip-off of the movie Calendar Girls by middle-aged Bushies. Henry, the smartly dressed Miss July, and conservative radio talk show host Martha Zoller, Miss February, tell us the idea was really sparked by the nearly pornographic BabesAgainstBush.com calendar, which shows mostly nude women with artfully placed American flags, duct tape, and microphones. "It was tasteless and vulgar," says Henry. "Ours is cute," she adds. "Imitation," says an amused BabesAgainst spokesman David Livingstone, "really is the sincerest form of flattery."
The 'for Bush' women have well-dressed men in what's billed as a female calendar? Now that's a buzzkill.

Posted by Eric at 02:41 AM | Comments (43)

Babes For / Against Bush

Hmm ...

On the "for" side:

And on the 'against' side:

Hmmm ... the choice would seem obvious. But wait! What is this about the 'for' calendar?

George W. Bush has his sexy groupies doing something even Bill Clinton's harem wouldn't: taking it off in public to raise, um, support for their guy. "We thought it would be fun," says BabesForBush.com calendar girl Karen Henry. "It's also to show our serious support for him." But she says her group's tasteful 2004 calendar--it even includes well-dressed men, ugh--isn't just a rip-off of the movie Calendar Girls by middle-aged Bushies. Henry, the smartly dressed Miss July, and conservative radio talk show host Martha Zoller, Miss February, tell us the idea was really sparked by the nearly pornographic BabesAgainstBush.com calendar, which shows mostly nude women with artfully placed American flags, duct tape, and microphones. "It was tasteless and vulgar," says Henry. "Ours is cute," she adds. "Imitation," says an amused BabesAgainst spokesman David Livingstone, "really is the sincerest form of flattery."
The 'for Bush' women have well-dressed men in what's billed as a female calendar? Now that's a buzzkill.

Posted by Eric at 02:41 AM | Comments (39)

Spam Gone by 2005?

That's the claim being offered at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland by Bill Gates and a few others. See:

Microsoft Corp . founder Bill Gates predicted the demise of unsolicited commercial e-mail at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland on Friday, according to a company spokesman. His prediction was backed up on Monday by the head of a prominent anti-spam company.

"I believe we'll solve spam by the end of 2005," said Enrique Salem, president and chief executive of privately held Brightmail Inc., which scrubs spam for large Internet service providers like Verizon Communications and BellSouth Corp..

That may seem like wishful thinking to Internet users who have seen no drop in herbal Viagra offers since a new federal anti-spam law went into effect on January 1.

Salem said Brightmail numbers show that the proportion of spam has increased to around 60 percent of all e-mail, from 58 percent in December. That figure should peak around 65 percent later this year and than start to decline as improved filtering techniques take hold and federal agents begin enforcing the new law, he said.

I believe the phrase is "I'll believe it when I see it." The most amusing spam I've received of late is one letting me know I can get my own ATM machine. Something I've always wanted.

Quick, what state consumes the most amount of spam per-capita? Click below for the answer.

It's none other than the local bruddahs in Hawaii. 5.5 cans per year. Represent!

Posted by Eric at 01:27 AM | Comments (33)

Spam Gone by 2005?

That's the claim being offered at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland by Bill Gates and a few others. See:

Microsoft Corp . founder Bill Gates predicted the demise of unsolicited commercial e-mail at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland on Friday, according to a company spokesman. His prediction was backed up on Monday by the head of a prominent anti-spam company.

"I believe we'll solve spam by the end of 2005," said Enrique Salem, president and chief executive of privately held Brightmail Inc., which scrubs spam for large Internet service providers like Verizon Communications and BellSouth Corp..

That may seem like wishful thinking to Internet users who have seen no drop in herbal Viagra offers since a new federal anti-spam law went into effect on January 1.

Salem said Brightmail numbers show that the proportion of spam has increased to around 60 percent of all e-mail, from 58 percent in December. That figure should peak around 65 percent later this year and than start to decline as improved filtering techniques take hold and federal agents begin enforcing the new law, he said.

I believe the phrase is "I'll believe it when I see it." The most amusing spam I've received of late is one letting me know I can get my own ATM machine. Something I've always wanted.

Quick, what state consumes the most amount of spam per-capita? Click below for the answer.

It's none other than the local bruddahs in Hawaii. 5.5 cans per year. Represent!

Posted by Eric at 01:27 AM | Comments (36)

January 24, 2004

Mean Dean Doll

Ha. Just one ha.

Posted by Eric at 05:15 PM | Comments (29)

Mean Dean Doll

Ha. Just one ha.

Posted by Eric at 05:15 PM | Comments (9)

January 23, 2004

New Book: The Buying of the President

It's not news that money influences politics. Still, it's important to be informed about who's funding political campaigns. Openness in the political process doesn't hurt anyone. When oil and energy companies heavily funded the Bush / Cheney political campaign, it was no surprise that the administration of Bush and Cheney favored those contributors. The non-partisan Center for Public Integrity has released a new book, The Buying of the President, which they were kind enough to send me. The book documents the money behind political campaigns. Among some of the interesting tidbits, as mentioned by the press release:

Bush, who has signaled an interest in Social Security privatization, and even appointed a commission that concluded in December 2001 that any reform of the New Deal program should "include a system of voluntary personal accounts," numbers financial firms Merrill Lynch & Co. (his second most generous career patron), Credit Suisse First Boston (fifth), UBS Paine Webber (eighth) and Goldman Sachs Group (ninth) among his top ten patrons. All were members of a group called the Coalition for American Financial Security, which favors privatizationand the millions of individual stock market accounts (and brokerage fees to administer them) that would be created ... The Buying of the President 2004 also provides new information about the "Top 50 Patrons" of the two major political parties, which illuminates the relationships between the presidential candidates and their respective parties. For example, the top "soft money" (large, unlimited contributions) donor to the Republican Party since 1991 has been Philip Morris, contributing $10.3 million. The top "soft money" donor to the Democratic Party since 1991 has been the American Federation of State, County, and Municipal Employees (AFSCME), contributing $16.5 million.

The book includes chapters on the bitter primary battle Bush campaign workers waged against John McCain, and looks closely at the Florida recount of 2000 and how President-elect Bush failed to reveal the names of hundreds of donors on his disclosure forms, including that of White House strategist Karl Rove. The book also profiles the Republican and Democratic parties, and offers an in-depth look at the first years of the Bush administration.

The book has the Top Ten Patrons of the Democratic challengers as well. The Center's website recently released updated figures, which can be found in this pdf file here. To note (through Sept 10,2003) :


BUSH
1) Enron - $602.6k
2) MerillLynch - $505k
3) MBNA Corp - $493,291

CLARK (because of previous political experience and amount of campaigning, little information in this update)
1) Citigroup - $6,250
2) Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher and Flom - $5,950
3) Sullivan and Cromwell - $5,500

DEAN
1) Time Warner - $65,225
2) Microsoft - $25,100
3) IBM - $23,250

EDWARDS
1) Stephen Bing (guy who impregnated Elizabeth Hurley, and Hollywood producer) - $907,000
2) Baron and Budd - $408,250
3) Girardi and Keese - $362,475

KERRY -
1) Mintz, levin, Cohn, Ferris, Glowsky and Popeo - $230,798
2) FleetBoston - $182,387
3) Time Warner - $140,710

LIEBERMAN
1) Citigroup - $110,646
2) Hartford Financial - $83,650
3) Goldman Sachs - $80,250

KUCINICH
1) United Auto Workers - $53,534
2) Machinists and Aerospace Workers Union - $45,000
3) Teamsters - $41,250

SHARPTON
1) Inner City Broadcasting Corp - $27,300
2) Zoe Ministries - $15,400
3) Don King Productions - $15,400

Posted by Eric at 11:43 AM | Comments (10)

New Book: The Buying of the President

It's not news that money influences politics. Still, it's important to be informed about who's funding political campaigns. Openness in the political process doesn't hurt anyone. When oil and energy companies heavily funded the Bush / Cheney political campaign, it was no surprise that the administration of Bush and Cheney favored those contributors. The non-partisan Center for Public Integrity has released a new book, The Buying of the President, which they were kind enough to send me. The book documents the money behind political campaigns. Among some of the interesting tidbits, as mentioned by the press release:

Bush, who has signaled an interest in Social Security privatization, and even appointed a commission that concluded in December 2001 that any reform of the New Deal program should "include a system of voluntary personal accounts," numbers financial firms Merrill Lynch & Co. (his second most generous career patron), Credit Suisse First Boston (fifth), UBS Paine Webber (eighth) and Goldman Sachs Group (ninth) among his top ten patrons. All were members of a group called the Coalition for American Financial Security, which favors privatizationand the millions of individual stock market accounts (and brokerage fees to administer them) that would be created ... The Buying of the President 2004 also provides new information about the "Top 50 Patrons" of the two major political parties, which illuminates the relationships between the presidential candidates and their respective parties. For example, the top "soft money" (large, unlimited contributions) donor to the Republican Party since 1991 has been Philip Morris, contributing $10.3 million. The top "soft money" donor to the Democratic Party since 1991 has been the American Federation of State, County, and Municipal Employees (AFSCME), contributing $16.5 million.

The book includes chapters on the bitter primary battle Bush campaign workers waged against John McCain, and looks closely at the Florida recount of 2000 and how President-elect Bush failed to reveal the names of hundreds of donors on his disclosure forms, including that of White House strategist Karl Rove. The book also profiles the Republican and Democratic parties, and offers an in-depth look at the first years of the Bush administration.

The book has the Top Ten Patrons of the Democratic challengers as well. The Center's website recently released updated figures, which can be found in this pdf file here. To note (through Sept 10,2003) :


BUSH
1) Enron - $602.6k
2) MerillLynch - $505k
3) MBNA Corp - $493,291

CLARK (because of previous political experience and amount of campaigning, little information in this update)
1) Citigroup - $6,250
2) Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher and Flom - $5,950
3) Sullivan and Cromwell - $5,500

DEAN
1) Time Warner - $65,225
2) Microsoft - $25,100
3) IBM - $23,250

EDWARDS
1) Stephen Bing (guy who impregnated Elizabeth Hurley, and Hollywood producer) - $907,000
2) Baron and Budd - $408,250
3) Girardi and Keese - $362,475

KERRY -
1) Mintz, levin, Cohn, Ferris, Glowsky and Popeo - $230,798
2) FleetBoston - $182,387
3) Time Warner - $140,710

LIEBERMAN
1) Citigroup - $110,646
2) Hartford Financial - $83,650
3) Goldman Sachs - $80,250

KUCINICH
1) United Auto Workers - $53,534
2) Machinists and Aerospace Workers Union - $45,000
3) Teamsters - $41,250

SHARPTON
1) Inner City Broadcasting Corp - $27,300
2) Zoe Ministries - $15,400
3) Don King Productions - $15,400

Posted by Eric at 11:43 AM | Comments (1)

Louisiana Senate Secretary Forwards Lawmakers Porn

Forwarding sexual images and jokes can get you in trouble, especially if the email recipients are state lawmakers.

Senate Secretary Mike Baer contends he was trying to delete the items from his e-mail box but accidentally forwarded them on Jan. 16 to legislators, their staff and members of the governor's office.

The mailing contained several attachments Baer received from others, including jokes that contained sexual content. Also attached was a three-minute video that focused entirely on female genitalia.

The message provoked several complaints.

Senate President Don Hines said Thursday he wants to determine whether Baer intended to send the e-mail to certain individuals and instead mistakenly sent the vulgar jokes and video files to several hundred people.

Baer sometimes e-mails jokes to a list of more than five dozen people, including lobbyists, legislators and even reporters ... The incident was the second time in less than three months that Baer was the subject of complaints. In November, Baer apologized for saying during election night television coverage that black voting precincts "don't get their numbers just right." Baer called it a slip of the tongue.

I dunno ... well, it depends on the email program he's using, but when you press the forward button, you usually have to specify who the recipient is. It doesn't just 'send' automatically. Then again, logic would dictate that someone in that position wouldn't be so stupid on purpose.

Posted by Eric at 11:08 AM | Comments (3)

Louisiana Senate Secretary Forwards Lawmakers Porn

Forwarding sexual images and jokes can get you in trouble, especially if the email recipients are state lawmakers.

Senate Secretary Mike Baer contends he was trying to delete the items from his e-mail box but accidentally forwarded them on Jan. 16 to legislators, their staff and members of the governor's office.

The mailing contained several attachments Baer received from others, including jokes that contained sexual content. Also attached was a three-minute video that focused entirely on female genitalia.

The message provoked several complaints.

Senate President Don Hines said Thursday he wants to determine whether Baer intended to send the e-mail to certain individuals and instead mistakenly sent the vulgar jokes and video files to several hundred people.

Baer sometimes e-mails jokes to a list of more than five dozen people, including lobbyists, legislators and even reporters ... The incident was the second time in less than three months that Baer was the subject of complaints. In November, Baer apologized for saying during election night television coverage that black voting precincts "don't get their numbers just right." Baer called it a slip of the tongue.

I dunno ... well, it depends on the email program he's using, but when you press the forward button, you usually have to specify who the recipient is. It doesn't just 'send' automatically. Then again, logic would dictate that someone in that position wouldn't be so stupid on purpose.

Posted by Eric at 11:08 AM | Comments (2)

January 22, 2004

Caption This: Bush and Menu

BUSH: "I hope this Mexican food has an exit strategy."

--Joke paraphrased from a previous Al Franken joke ...

Posted by Eric at 03:21 PM | Comments (46)

Caption This: Bush and Menu

BUSH: "I hope this Mexican food has an exit strategy."

--Joke paraphrased from a previous Al Franken joke ...

Posted by Eric at 03:21 PM | Comments (34)

Laugh a Little with Dennis

Whoooo!! Here we go now:

Comic Dennis Miller was up in the visitors gallery shooting verbal spitballs at lawmakers waiting for Bush to arrive.

Miller - who, we hear, had had a private meeting with Vice President Cheney earlier - couldn't resist remarking on House Speaker Dennis Hastert's waistline.

"Looks like Hastert had his stomach stapled," Miller joked.

ZING!
When he spotted Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) scribbling on a pile of papers, Miller quipped, "He's probably writing to Penthouse Forum ... 'Jed, the stable boy, walked into the room...'"
Tada-tish!
Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D-Calif.) drew a dart for her white-trimmed crimson dress.

"Who's Santa's little helper?" Miller wondered aloud.

ROFLO! You see, because, HAHAHAHAHA, the colors of Loretta's dress, HAHAHAHA ... are RED AND WHITE, AAAH HAHAHA ... AND THOSE, HHAHAHA, are XMAS COLORS! Hence, Santa's little helper!! AAAHAHAHAHA

EDIT: FAIR has an item on Dennis. Conflict of interest?

Posted by Eric at 11:20 AM | Comments (49)

Laugh a Little with Dennis

Whoooo!! Here we go now:

Comic Dennis Miller was up in the visitors gallery shooting verbal spitballs at lawmakers waiting for Bush to arrive.

Miller - who, we hear, had had a private meeting with Vice President Cheney earlier - couldn't resist remarking on House Speaker Dennis Hastert's waistline.

"Looks like Hastert had his stomach stapled," Miller joked.

ZING!
When he spotted Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) scribbling on a pile of papers, Miller quipped, "He's probably writing to Penthouse Forum ... 'Jed, the stable boy, walked into the room...'"
Tada-tish!
Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D-Calif.) drew a dart for her white-trimmed crimson dress.

"Who's Santa's little helper?" Miller wondered aloud.

ROFLO! You see, because, HAHAHAHAHA, the colors of Loretta's dress, HAHAHAHA ... are RED AND WHITE, AAAH HAHAHA ... AND THOSE, HHAHAHA, are XMAS COLORS! Hence, Santa's little helper!! AAAHAHAHAHA

EDIT: FAIR has an item on Dennis. Conflict of interest?

Posted by Eric at 11:20 AM | Comments (17)

Fun with Google

"_____ is a communist."

Wesley Clark: 10 results.
Howard Dean: 7
John Edwards: 0
John Kerry: 0
Dennis Kucinich: 4
Joe Lieberman: 0
Al Sharpton: 0

Noam Chomsky: 11
Bill Clinton: 26
Hillary Clinton: 9
Al Franken: 0
Al Gore: 18
Michael Moore: 26

Note: Context of the statement is not taken into consideration, just the fact that it exists.

Posted by Eric at 11:14 AM | Comments (16)

Fun with Google

"_____ is a communist."

Wesley Clark: 10 results.
Howard Dean: 7
John Edwards: 0
John Kerry: 0
Dennis Kucinich: 4
Joe Lieberman: 0
Al Sharpton: 0

Noam Chomsky: 11
Bill Clinton: 26
Hillary Clinton: 9
Al Franken: 0
Al Gore: 18
Michael Moore: 26

Note: Context of the statement is not taken into consideration, just the fact that it exists.

Posted by Eric at 11:14 AM | Comments (5)

January 19, 2004

Happy MLK Jr. Day

People for the American Way has some of his quotes and ideas online.

If you have the day off, as I do, enjoy it. Some do not.

Posted by Eric at 10:39 AM | Comments (3)

Happy MLK Jr. Day

People for the American Way has some of his quotes and ideas online.

If you have the day off, as I do, enjoy it. Some do not.

Posted by Eric at 10:39 AM | Comments (0)

Comedy Monday

"Big news Carol Moseley Braun dropped out of the Democratic presidential race after a poll revealed she was only 98 points ahead of Joe Lieberman." Craig Kilborn

"Last night we had Carol Moseley Braun on the program. She's explaining to me why she should be the next president of the United States. I get home that night, check the Internet, and she dropped out of the race. ... My guess is this whole presidential run was a ruse to get on this program. Gore did the same thing." Jon Stewart

"O'Neill also provided Suskind with several damming pre-9/11 memos including one entitled 'Foreign Suitors For Iraqi Oil Field Contracts' and another entitled 'Military Plan For Post-Saddam Iraq.' Said a Bush Administration official 'So that's where the military plan for post-Saddam Iraq went! Can you fax that?'" Jon Stewart

"According to a new study, most Americans under 25 get their information on politics from the internet which may explain why the Democratic frontrunner is Senator 'You Can Add Inches to Your Penis.'" Conan O'Brien

"According to a new survey about the Democratic candidates for president, most of Howard Dean's support comes from urban voters, most of Wesley Clark's support comes from rural voters. The survey also reveals that all of Dennis Kucinich's support comes from his family." Conan O'Brien

"Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill has written a book about his years with the Bush Administration. He said that President Bush while at cabinet meetings is disengaged, he's uninformed, distracted, he's passive, and the Democrats are saying to themselves how can we possibly beat this guy?" David Letterman



Comics

Jeff Danzier. Karl Rove Awake At Night? Why?.
Drew Sheneman. Conservative Group Hypocrisy.
Sandy Huffaker. SC Approves Secret Arrests.
Boondocks. If MLK Jr. Were Alive Today.
Fighting Words. Happy MLK Jr. Day.



God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon.
Bert Fischer: No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.
--Rushmore

Glenn Welsch, Mayor: There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.
--Waiting for Guffman



U.S. To Give Every Iraqi $3,544.91, Let Free-Market Capitalism Do The Rest

Typo Results In 10,000-Acre Wyoming Skate Park

Posted by Eric at 12:00 AM | Comments (27)

Comedy Monday

"Big news Carol Moseley Braun dropped out of the Democratic presidential race after a poll revealed she was only 98 points ahead of Joe Lieberman." Craig Kilborn

"Last night we had Carol Moseley Braun on the program. She's explaining to me why she should be the next president of the United States. I get home that night, check the Internet, and she dropped out of the race. ... My guess is this whole presidential run was a ruse to get on this program. Gore did the same thing." Jon Stewart

"O'Neill also provided Suskind with several damming pre-9/11 memos including one entitled 'Foreign Suitors For Iraqi Oil Field Contracts' and another entitled 'Military Plan For Post-Saddam Iraq.' Said a Bush Administration official 'So that's where the military plan for post-Saddam Iraq went! Can you fax that?'" Jon Stewart

"According to a new study, most Americans under 25 get their information on politics from the internet which may explain why the Democratic frontrunner is Senator 'You Can Add Inches to Your Penis.'" Conan O'Brien

"According to a new survey about the Democratic candidates for president, most of Howard Dean's support comes from urban voters, most of Wesley Clark's support comes from rural voters. The survey also reveals that all of Dennis Kucinich's support comes from his family." Conan O'Brien

"Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill has written a book about his years with the Bush Administration. He said that President Bush while at cabinet meetings is disengaged, he's uninformed, distracted, he's passive, and the Democrats are saying to themselves how can we possibly beat this guy?" David Letterman



Comics

Jeff Danzier. Karl Rove Awake At Night? Why?.
Drew Sheneman. Conservative Group Hypocrisy.
Sandy Huffaker. SC Approves Secret Arrests.
Boondocks. If MLK Jr. Were Alive Today.
Fighting Words. Happy MLK Jr. Day.



God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon.
Bert Fischer: No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.
--Rushmore

Glenn Welsch, Mayor: There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.
--Waiting for Guffman



U.S. To Give Every Iraqi $3,544.91, Let Free-Market Capitalism Do The Rest

Typo Results In 10,000-Acre Wyoming Skate Park

Posted by Eric at 12:00 AM | Comments (2)

January 18, 2004

Bid Today

Good auction available here from the White House.

Posted by Eric at 12:01 PM | Comments (19)

Bid Today

Good auction available here from the White House.

Posted by Eric at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2004

Margaret Cho

I always enjoy a good Asian bashing every now and then. Margaret Cho get letters, lots of letters.

----- Original Message -----
From: chris white
To: margaret@margaretcho.com
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 6:01 PM
Subject: hi

Fuck you you oriental cunt. you are not even an american. You are soooo stupid. Go fuck yourself and go back to Asia you slanted eye whore.


----- Original Message -----
From: Tom Smith
To:
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 6:33 PM

which way does your pussy slant, baby? this is important, since you are
certainly quite unfunny.



----- Original Message -----
From: sjoyce327@comcast.net
To: margaret@margaretcho.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 9:40 AM
Subject: Move on.org comments

Just a quick note to let you know that after reading your comments from the move on . org awards I was disgusted. Your comments were totally uncalled for. Why don't you you take your fat slant eyed head and go back to China.

F__k You


----- Original Message -----
From: David T Owens
To:
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 4:59 AM
Subject: Comments at Moveon.org

Dear fat gook: I was disappointed to read your remarks today on Drudge.
I was disappointed to read that you are just another Hollywood
dicksucker.

Instead of trying to be funny, why don't you devise a plan on
terrorism? What would and your Hollywood buddies do, other than gobble
knobs? Talk is cheap.

Love you long time.


----- Original Message -----

From: TEAK19@aol.com
To:
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 6:53 AM
Subject: You stupid cunt

Your a dumb,queer,ugly,fucking zipperhead that don't know shit about politics.Do you really think that you are going to change anyone's mind about this President.I can't wait to hear all of you fucked up liberals cry when Bush wins 48 states.
By the way did I tell you YOU SUCK

Ok, that was fun, wasn't it? Actually "Cho" is Korean. But who can tell, eh? They all look the same.

I was particularly amused by the email message from someone from Hawaii. Hey, I'm from there ...

----- Original Message -----
From: Rick McComb
To: margaret@margaretcho.com ; karen@margaretcho.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 8:32 AM
Subject: Asain loser

Your an overweight idiot that has no talent except shock comedy. Impressive.....

When you came to Hawaii I found you kind of funny except that you used profanity too much and now I see why. You don't have enough talent to make jokes that appeal to anyone except a bunch of clueless college students. It's a safe bet you can't go any further than that because a Chinese Rosie O'Donnell is about as desirable as an overflowing toilet, which most of your race based jokes sound like.

BC in '04!!!

'Asain' loser! In a state where the majority of the population is Asian, this guy must have a hard time ... rikitiki@hawaii.rr.com I hope Margaret DOES go back to her country. She's trying, according to her blog.
What I can see is that there are really stupid people in this country and then when you point out how stupid they are, they get fucking mad as fuck. But since they so dumb, they can only start saying things about me being fat, or Chinese, which is cool, but I don't really think that I am either of those things. I would love to go back to my country, but I am already in my country, so how can I go back? I will try, but it is hard to be in two places at one time, especially when the two places are actually one place. It is all good. Everyone needs to have their ignant opinion about shit.
Alright, that's enough. Anyway, I need to pickup more fares with my rickshaw.

Posted by Eric at 12:22 AM | Comments (34)

Margaret Cho

I always enjoy a good Asian bashing every now and then. Margaret Cho get letters, lots of letters.

----- Original Message -----
From: chris white
To: margaret@margaretcho.com
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 6:01 PM
Subject: hi

Fuck you you oriental cunt. you are not even an american. You are soooo stupid. Go fuck yourself and go back to Asia you slanted eye whore.


----- Original Message -----
From: Tom Smith
To:
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 6:33 PM

which way does your pussy slant, baby? this is important, since you are
certainly quite unfunny.



----- Original Message -----
From: sjoyce327@comcast.net
To: margaret@margaretcho.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 9:40 AM
Subject: Move on.org comments

Just a quick note to let you know that after reading your comments from the move on . org awards I was disgusted. Your comments were totally uncalled for. Why don't you you take your fat slant eyed head and go back to China.

F__k You


----- Original Message -----
From: David T Owens
To:
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 4:59 AM
Subject: Comments at Moveon.org

Dear fat gook: I was disappointed to read your remarks today on Drudge.
I was disappointed to read that you are just another Hollywood
dicksucker.

Instead of trying to be funny, why don't you devise a plan on
terrorism? What would and your Hollywood buddies do, other than gobble
knobs? Talk is cheap.

Love you long time.


----- Original Message -----

From: TEAK19@aol.com
To:
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 6:53 AM
Subject: You stupid cunt

Your a dumb,queer,ugly,fucking zipperhead that don't know shit about politics.Do you really think that you are going to change anyone's mind about this President.I can't wait to hear all of you fucked up liberals cry when Bush wins 48 states.
By the way did I tell you YOU SUCK

Ok, that was fun, wasn't it? Actually "Cho" is Korean. But who can tell, eh? They all look the same.

I was particularly amused by the email message from someone from Hawaii. Hey, I'm from there ...

----- Original Message -----
From: Rick McComb
To: margaret@margaretcho.com ; karen@margaretcho.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 8:32 AM
Subject: Asain loser

Your an overweight idiot that has no talent except shock comedy. Impressive.....

When you came to Hawaii I found you kind of funny except that you used profanity too much and now I see why. You don't have enough talent to make jokes that appeal to anyone except a bunch of clueless college students. It's a safe bet you can't go any further than that because a Chinese Rosie O'Donnell is about as desirable as an overflowing toilet, which most of your race based jokes sound like.

BC in '04!!!

'Asain' loser! In a state where the majority of the population is Asian, this guy must have a hard time ... rikitiki@hawaii.rr.com I hope Margaret DOES go back to her country. She's trying, according to her blog.
What I can see is that there are really stupid people in this country and then when you point out how stupid they are, they get fucking mad as fuck. But since they so dumb, they can only start saying things about me being fat, or Chinese, which is cool, but I don't really think that I am either of those things. I would love to go back to my country, but I am already in my country, so how can I go back? I will try, but it is hard to be in two places at one time, especially when the two places are actually one place. It is all good. Everyone needs to have their ignant opinion about shit.
Alright, that's enough. Anyway, I need to pickup more fares with my rickshaw.

Posted by Eric at 12:22 AM | Comments (14)

January 14, 2004

Mustaches = Authority

At least according to police in northern India.

- Police in northern India are being paid an extra 65 cents a month to grow a mustache to give them more authority, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Mayank Jain, a superintendent with the Madhya Pradesh state police, told The Asian Age that research showed that police with mustaches were taken more seriously.

However, he added, the shape and style of police mustaches would be monitored to ensure they did not take on a mean look.

There are, of course, mean mustaches. Just ask The Tick.

Posted by Eric at 06:36 AM | Comments (4)

Mustaches = Authority

At least according to police in northern India.

- Police in northern India are being paid an extra 65 cents a month to grow a mustache to give them more authority, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Mayank Jain, a superintendent with the Madhya Pradesh state police, told The Asian Age that research showed that police with mustaches were taken more seriously.

However, he added, the shape and style of police mustaches would be monitored to ensure they did not take on a mean look.

There are, of course, mean mustaches. Just ask The Tick.

Posted by Eric at 06:36 AM | Comments (1)

January 12, 2004

Comedy Monday

"President Bush promises we will only be on Mars for a couple months until they are capable of self-rule." David Letterman

"NASA said the rover on Mars discovered a muddy black liquid. If it's oil, some little green men are about to get their asses kicked." Craig Kilborn

"Did you hear about that? Britney Spears got married out in the Las Vegas strip. It went just like any marriage. It was great for the first ten minutes and then just fell apart." David Letterman

"On Friday, President Bush announced details of his plan to send a man to the moon. Bush told reporters that to guarantee success of the mission, we will only send the astronauts up there when it's a full moon." Jimmy Fallon



Mean Dean? Daily Show.
National Lampoon Ten Morally Taboo Behaviors that Deserve a
Second Look
.
ScrappleFace Bush Courts Latinos, Puts Base on Moon.
The Onion Spaghetti-Os Discontinued As Franco-American Relations Break Down.
The Onion. Howard Stern Organizes Women's Health Symposium.
IWR. Bush to Have Senior Citizens Defend Iraq.
DU. The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 139).

Mike Lane. Executive Fashion Season.

Jeff Parker. Bend Over Backward Politics .

Steve Sack. Deanatra.

Jeff Danziger. Club for Growth Dean Truth?.

Ted Rall. Bush Kicks Off Campaign .

Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell: Yes! Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and I said "Listen, man! I'm not going to jail for YOU or for anybody!". --Wayne's World.


George Wade: This whole project is worth about 50 million in profits.
Ruth Kelson: I personally feel it is unethical for one person to acquire that much wealth, how do you sleep at night?
George Wade: Well I have a machine that simulates the sound of the ocean.
Larry Kelson: Do those really work?
George Wade: Oh yes, quite well actually. --Two Weeks Notice

Posted by Eric at 02:06 AM | Comments (25)

Comedy Monday

"President Bush promises we will only be on Mars for a couple months until they are capable of self-rule." David Letterman

"NASA said the rover on Mars discovered a muddy black liquid. If it's oil, some little green men are about to get their asses kicked." Craig Kilborn

"Did you hear about that? Britney Spears got married out in the Las Vegas strip. It went just like any marriage. It was great for the first ten minutes and then just fell apart." David Letterman

"On Friday, President Bush announced details of his plan to send a man to the moon. Bush told reporters that to guarantee success of the mission, we will only send the astronauts up there when it's a full moon." Jimmy Fallon



Mean Dean? Daily Show.
National Lampoon Ten Morally Taboo Behaviors that Deserve a
Second Look
.
ScrappleFace Bush Courts Latinos, Puts Base on Moon.
The Onion Spaghetti-Os Discontinued As Franco-American Relations Break Down.
The Onion. Howard Stern Organizes Women's Health Symposium.
IWR. Bush to Have Senior Citizens Defend Iraq.
DU. The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 139).

Mike Lane. Executive Fashion Season.

Jeff Parker. Bend Over Backward Politics .

Steve Sack. Deanatra.

Jeff Danziger. Club for Growth Dean Truth?.

Ted Rall. Bush Kicks Off Campaign .

Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell: Yes! Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and I said "Listen, man! I'm not going to jail for YOU or for anybody!". --Wayne's World.


George Wade: This whole project is worth about 50 million in profits.
Ruth Kelson: I personally feel it is unethical for one person to acquire that much wealth, how do you sleep at night?
George Wade: Well I have a machine that simulates the sound of the ocean.
Larry Kelson: Do those really work?
George Wade: Oh yes, quite well actually. --Two Weeks Notice

Posted by Eric at 02:06 AM | Comments (2)

January 07, 2004

New MoveOn.Org Ads

No doubt detractors will attempt to dismiss these ads by linking them to the irrelevant Hitler-Bush ads, but they're pretty good. My picks ...

1. WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR CHILDREN?
2. CHILD'S PAY
3. LEAVE NO BILLIONAIRE BEHIND
4. ARMY OF ONE
5. BRING 'EM ON

And yes, as Salon.com pointed out, the Democratic leadership could learn something from these ads.

TomPaine.com's take on the MoveOn.org 'controversy.'

We're sorry, but the Republican National Committee asked for it. By erroneously implying that MoveOn.org endorsed or even commissioned an ad comparing President Bush to Adolf Hitler, it's only fair that the RNC's disingenuous moral outrage be exposed. Where was RNC Chair Ed Gillespie when high-profile conservative Grover Norquist compared taxing the wealthy with the Holocaust? Where was his outcry over The New York Post's column earlier this week calling Howard Dean "Herr Howie"? Seems exaggerated comparisons involving Hitler are only offensive when there's partisan advantage to be gained. For a look at the kind of clever and credible anti-Bush ads MoveOn.org is known for, see their five finalists in the Bush In 30 Seconds contest.

And Joan Walsh:

In fact, as those who've followed the story know, MoveOn didn't sponsor or create, let alone televise, ads comparing Bush to Hitler. MoveOn's issue-advertising arm, the MoveOn Voter Fund, ran an innovative contest, "Bush in 30 Seconds," challenging its members to make their own political ads illustrating the shortcomings of the Bush administration in a humorous, creative way. (The contest winner will have his or her ad nationally televised by the Voter Fund.) The online advocacy group got more than 1,000 ad submissions, and posted the vast majority on its Web site. Its network of more than 2 million activists was eligible to vote to narrow the field to 15 finalists, and selected them this week; a celebrity panel will pick a winner, to be announced Jan. 12. Both Hitler ad submissions scored poorly with MoveOn supporters, and would have been consigned to history without the publicity boost from the RNC. (Now, ironically, the only place you can find them is on the RNC's Web site.) ...

Reached at their Berkeley home Tuesday, Wes Boyd and Joan Blades acknowledged they should have taken more trouble to screen their supporter-created ads for content that could be exploited by their enemies. I was surprised by their candor about their RNC-sponsored learning experience. "We had a small committee running the contest," Boyd admitted, which included Pariser and rock star Moby. "We screened mostly for legal issues" -- there are limits to what the MoveOn Voter Fund's 527 status lets the group advocate politically -- "and we referred some questionable things to our lawyers. We decided to let our members decide [on content], and actually the process mostly worked really well. The good stuff rose to the top." The Hitler ads sank.

The thing to draw from this is that while there may be a very small (and idiotic) group of people who compare Bush to Hitler (and there were people who compared Clinton to Hilter, by the way), MoveOn.org allowed its members a chance to shun these opinions. And they did. The RNC should applaud that MoveOn.org rejected the ads.

Posted by Eric at 02:24 PM | Comments (83)

New MoveOn.Org Ads

No doubt detractors will attempt to dismiss these ads by linking them to the irrelevant Hitler-Bush ads, but they're pretty good. My picks ...

1. WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR CHILDREN?
2. CHILD'S PAY
3. LEAVE NO BILLIONAIRE BEHIND
4. ARMY OF ONE
5. BRING 'EM ON

And yes, as Salon.com pointed out, the Democratic leadership could learn something from these ads.

TomPaine.com's take on the MoveOn.org 'controversy.'

We're sorry, but the Republican National Committee asked for it. By erroneously implying that MoveOn.org endorsed or even commissioned an ad comparing President Bush to Adolf Hitler, it's only fair that the RNC's disingenuous moral outrage be exposed. Where was RNC Chair Ed Gillespie when high-profile conservative Grover Norquist compared taxing the wealthy with the Holocaust? Where was his outcry over The New York Post's column earlier this week calling Howard Dean "Herr Howie"? Seems exaggerated comparisons involving Hitler are only offensive when there's partisan advantage to be gained. For a look at the kind of clever and credible anti-Bush ads MoveOn.org is known for, see their five finalists in the Bush In 30 Seconds contest.

And Joan Walsh:

In fact, as those who've followed the story know, MoveOn didn't sponsor or create, let alone televise, ads comparing Bush to Hitler. MoveOn's issue-advertising arm, the MoveOn Voter Fund, ran an innovative contest, "Bush in 30 Seconds," challenging its members to make their own political ads illustrating the shortcomings of the Bush administration in a humorous, creative way. (The contest winner will have his or her ad nationally televised by the Voter Fund.) The online advocacy group got more than 1,000 ad submissions, and posted the vast majority on its Web site. Its network of more than 2 million activists was eligible to vote to narrow the field to 15 finalists, and selected them this week; a celebrity panel will pick a winner, to be announced Jan. 12. Both Hitler ad submissions scored poorly with MoveOn supporters, and would have been consigned to history without the publicity boost from the RNC. (Now, ironically, the only place you can find them is on the RNC's Web site.) ...

Reached at their Berkeley home Tuesday, Wes Boyd and Joan Blades acknowledged they should have taken more trouble to screen their supporter-created ads for content that could be exploited by their enemies. I was surprised by their candor about their RNC-sponsored learning experience. "We had a small committee running the contest," Boyd admitted, which included Pariser and rock star Moby. "We screened mostly for legal issues" -- there are limits to what the MoveOn Voter Fund's 527 status lets the group advocate politically -- "and we referred some questionable things to our lawyers. We decided to let our members decide [on content], and actually the process mostly worked really well. The good stuff rose to the top." The Hitler ads sank.

The thing to draw from this is that while there may be a very small (and idiotic) group of people who compare Bush to Hitler (and there were people who compared Clinton to Hilter, by the way), MoveOn.org allowed its members a chance to shun these opinions. And they did. The RNC should applaud that MoveOn.org rejected the ads.

Posted by Eric at 02:24 PM | Comments (7)

January 05, 2004

Some Koreans Snipping Tongues in Quest for English

English is a status symbol for some Koreans, so Koreans are opting for ...

South Korean mothers know few bounds in trying to give their kids a leg up in speaking English. They play them nursery rhymes in the womb, hire pricey tutors for toddlers, send preschoolers to America to pick up the accent.

But now they're even turning to surgery to sort out misplaced L and R sounds, underscoring the crushing social pressures involved in getting a highly competitive society in shape for a globalized world.

The surgery involves snipping the thin tissue under the tongue to make it longer and supposedly nimbler, and the government is so dismayed that its National Human Rights Commission has made a movie to scare the public into ceasing the practice ...

Doctors scoff at the notion that the Korean tongue is too short for proper English, noting the thousands of Korean Americans who speak unaccented English.

Experts say practice, not surgery, is the key. ''Doing the surgery on a normal kid just for English pronunciation doesn't make anatomical sense at all,'' says Park Bom-chung at Seoul's Kangnam Sacred Heart Hospital.

Posted by Eric at 11:04 PM | Comments (59)

Some Koreans Snipping Tongues in Quest for English

English is a status symbol for some Koreans, so Koreans are opting for ...

South Korean mothers know few bounds in trying to give their kids a leg up in speaking English. They play them nursery rhymes in the womb, hire pricey tutors for toddlers, send preschoolers to America to pick up the accent.

But now they're even turning to surgery to sort out misplaced L and R sounds, underscoring the crushing social pressures involved in getting a highly competitive society in shape for a globalized world.

The surgery involves snipping the thin tissue under the tongue to make it longer and supposedly nimbler, and the government is so dismayed that its National Human Rights Commission has made a movie to scare the public into ceasing the practice ...

Doctors scoff at the notion that the Korean tongue is too short for proper English, noting the thousands of Korean Americans who speak unaccented English.

Experts say practice, not surgery, is the key. ''Doing the surgery on a normal kid just for English pronunciation doesn't make anatomical sense at all,'' says Park Bom-chung at Seoul's Kangnam Sacred Heart Hospital.

Posted by Eric at 11:04 PM | Comments (14)

Comedy Monday

"Right now in Iowa, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry is driving around in a big bus he's calling 'The Real Deal Express' he says his campaign is going out to where people are working and hes meeting people who normally wouldnt go to a campaign rally. Thats not campaigning. Isn't that called 'bothering people'?" Jay Leno

"Today Rush Limbaugh blamed his legal troubles on 'the Democrats.' You have to understand how Rush thinks see Bill Clinton was a real pain in the neck, so he got some drugs for the pain, then he got addicted, then he started buying the drugs illegally so really it's all Clinton's fault." Jay Leno

"Did you see the Michael Jackson interview last night? (silence) OK, six of you saw it. Actually, a lot of people tuned in. During the interview Michael claimed that during his arrest the police manhandled him when he specifically asked to be boyhandled." -Conan O'Brien

----------------

White House.org. The Official 2003 White House Christmas Card: Festively Patriotic Holiday Greetings from President George W. Bush and First Lady Laura Welch Bush.
National Lampoon. Hussein 'N a Hole
The Onion. Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs: 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity
Dave Barry. Between Iraq and a Hard Place: Approximately 2003 reasons to be grateful it's almost December 31
-------------

"Saddam Emerges From Hole, Sees Shadow; Six More Months of War

TIKRIT, Iraq (DPI) - Saddam Hussein came out of his hole this weekend and saw his shadow, guaranteeing six more months of Iraqi resistance. The traditional Ground-Hussein Day was celebrated throughout Iraq with festive explosions and looting. According to Tikrit's town fathers, when Hussein emerged from his long winter slumber, he saw his shadow cast by the bright oil pipeline fires on the horizon, promising continued Iraqi insurgency. President Bush responded to Hussein's threats, saying, "Bring 'em on, bang a gong, bring 'em on." Videos of Hussein's appearance are available from Halliburton for a small 600-percent mark-up. "
--------------
Bill Day. Higher Than Orange Alert
Sandy Huffaker. Democracy in Iraq
Larry Wright. Swallow the Bull
--------------
prangstgrup

See their 'library musical' under the more videos.

moveon.org spot

Posted by Eric at 01:44 AM | Comments (27)

Comedy Monday

"Right now in Iowa, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry is driving around in a big bus he's calling 'The Real Deal Express' he says his campaign is going out to where people are working and hes meeting people who normally wouldnt go to a campaign rally. Thats not campaigning. Isn't that called 'bothering people'?" Jay Leno

"Today Rush Limbaugh blamed his legal troubles on 'the Democrats.' You have to understand how Rush thinks see Bill Clinton was a real pain in the neck, so he got some drugs for the pain, then he got addicted, then he started buying the drugs illegally so really it's all Clinton's fault." Jay Leno

"Did you see the Michael Jackson interview last night? (silence) OK, six of you saw it. Actually, a lot of people tuned in. During the interview Michael claimed that during his arrest the police manhandled him when he specifically asked to be boyhandled." -Conan O'Brien

----------------

White House.org. The Official 2003 White House Christmas Card: Festively Patriotic Holiday Greetings from President George W. Bush and First Lady Laura Welch Bush.
National Lampoon. Hussein 'N a Hole
The Onion. Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs: 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity
Dave Barry. Between Iraq and a Hard Place: Approximately 2003 reasons to be grateful it's almost December 31
-------------

"Saddam Emerges From Hole, Sees Shadow; Six More Months of War

TIKRIT, Iraq (DPI) - Saddam Hussein came out of his hole this weekend and saw his shadow, guaranteeing six more months of Iraqi resistance. The traditional Ground-Hussein Day was celebrated throughout Iraq with festive explosions and looting. According to Tikrit's town fathers, when Hussein emerged from his long winter slumber, he saw his shadow cast by the bright oil pipeline fires on the horizon, promising continued Iraqi insurgency. President Bush responded to Hussein's threats, saying, "Bring 'em on, bang a gong, bring 'em on." Videos of Hussein's appearance are available from Halliburton for a small 600-percent mark-up. "
--------------
Bill Day. Higher Than Orange Alert
Sandy Huffaker. Democracy in Iraq
Larry Wright. Swallow the Bull
--------------
prangstgrup

See their 'library musical' under the more videos.

moveon.org spot

Posted by Eric at 01:44 AM | Comments (1)

January 03, 2004

Russ Feingold Reacts to The Onion

The December 17th issue of The Onion had a satirical piece about Russ Feingold.


U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI) was forced to find an alternate means of transportation to work Monday, because his Senate carpool once again "forgot" to pick him up.

"Did we forget Feingold again?" Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) asked. "Gee, I don't know how that happened. I guess we were running late and just flaked on it. Hmm, same thing happened last week."

Feingold and Murkowski, along with senators Chuck Hagel (R-NE), Bill Nelson (D-FL), and Dick Durbin (D-IL), comprise the ride-sharing carpool formed three years ago to split the costs of commuting and reduce fuel waste and air pollution.

Monday marks the fourth time this month that the Wisconsin senator has been left behind. Feingold's wife Mary had to drive him to the Capitol, where he arrived with just enough time to make roll call. Feingold said it was "not the way I like to start a morning." ...

One Beltway insider noted that Feingold's current carpool is the senator's third in the past five years.

"I was carpooling with Russ in '98," Ron Wyden (D-OR) said. "Everyone else wanted to have a nice relaxing ride in, but Feingold would start up on campaign finance reform the second his seatbelt clicked. That guy would not shut up for a second."


So what did Feingold think of the piece?

"Once the Onion came out, that's all anyone wanted to talk about," Feingold said. "I'd walk in some place on State Street and people would be holding it up."

Feingold said the most interesting response was from a reporter who read in the story that the senator's wife, Mary, had to drive him to the Capitol. "He said, 'I thought your wife lived in Wisconsin.' I said, 'She does. It's a joke.' " ...

Posted by Eric at 10:12 PM | Comments (4)

Russ Feingold Reacts to The Onion

The December 17th issue of The Onion had a satirical piece about Russ Feingold.


U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI) was forced to find an alternate means of transportation to work Monday, because his Senate carpool once again "forgot" to pick him up.

"Did we forget Feingold again?" Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) asked. "Gee, I don't know how that happened. I guess we were running late and just flaked on it. Hmm, same thing happened last week."

Feingold and Murkowski, along with senators Chuck Hagel (R-NE), Bill Nelson (D-FL), and Dick Durbin (D-IL), comprise the ride-sharing carpool formed three years ago to split the costs of commuting and reduce fuel waste and air pollution.

Monday marks the fourth time this month that the Wisconsin senator has been left behind. Feingold's wife Mary had to drive him to the Capitol, where he arrived with just enough time to make roll call. Feingold said it was "not the way I like to start a morning." ...

One Beltway insider noted that Feingold's current carpool is the senator's third in the past five years.

"I was carpooling with Russ in '98," Ron Wyden (D-OR) said. "Everyone else wanted to have a nice relaxing ride in, but Feingold would start up on campaign finance reform the second his seatbelt clicked. That guy would not shut up for a second."


So what did Feingold think of the piece?

"Once the Onion came out, that's all anyone wanted to talk about," Feingold said. "I'd walk in some place on State Street and people would be holding it up."

Feingold said the most interesting response was from a reporter who read in the story that the senator's wife, Mary, had to drive him to the Capitol. "He said, 'I thought your wife lived in Wisconsin.' I said, 'She does. It's a joke.' " ...

Posted by Eric at 10:12 PM | Comments (2)